Hey God it's me Ellen
can I ask you a question?
how do I tell my friend Oprah
she's gonna get more whipped
than Stedman
I'll make her head spin
when it comes to rhymes
I got a penchant
so if battling me is your intention
I better mention
you're bout to get licked by a lesbian
oh I'll knock you off of your throne
take a shot at everything you OWN
I got the skill to make Doctor Phil say
I think you better just leave her alone
you can tell Rachael Ray
that my favorite recipe
is chopping Oprah Winfrey up
into a million little pieces
I'm the Queen of TV
and I'm here to destroy ya
so check under your seat
because I got something for ya
you can't even hope
to be as half as dope as Oprah
I'll attract my hands
around your throat
and Deepak choke ya
girl your show's a petting zoo
you do a week on kittens
and you dance like a chicken
who snuck into Drunk Kitchen
you played a fish with brain damage
I'm a nominated actress
name's synonymous with power
spell it forwards or backwards
Yes you've got that power
and yes I've got those kittens
I also feature puppies
talented children
and mittens
I like cute things that make people smile
make everybody feel good for a while
do a little dance and the crowd goes wild
kick you right back to the miracle mile
I thought I told ya
your daytime reign is over
I'm jumping over Oprah
like I'm Tom Cruise on a sofa
from ABC to LGBT
to NBC and now it's all me
I'm the best emcee
and the biggest star
and I'll bite you in the ass
like the tax on a free car
Your mouth is writing checks
your mullet can't cash lady
I'll lodge my fabulous shoe
up your suit pants baby
you follow my lead
cause I paved the road for ya
you drive behind me
in a secondhand Porsche
check the Fortune 500
I'm a media wonder
the Dalai Lama and Obama
memorize my cell number
try to beef with me
I'll make the whole market crash honey
once you go Oprah
you can't go back
Who won?
Who's next?
You decide