1 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:15,481 Hello! 2 00:00:15,481 --> 00:00:17,251 (Applause) 3 00:00:17,821 --> 00:00:20,706 Reno, Nevada, 4 00:00:21,226 --> 00:00:22,456 the biggest little city, 5 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:23,616 look at us! 6 00:00:24,806 --> 00:00:27,797 Oh, I am so excited to be here, you guys. 7 00:00:27,797 --> 00:00:30,880 Listen, when they first asked me to do this, 8 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:34,343 they were like, "Hey, would you like to do a TEDx Talk?" 9 00:00:34,343 --> 00:00:37,380 And I was like, "Me?! 10 00:00:37,380 --> 00:00:41,482 Yes, I would love to talk about something important 11 00:00:41,482 --> 00:00:45,598 and think about an idea worth sharing." 12 00:00:46,598 --> 00:00:49,332 And they're like, "No, no, no. Just say your jokes." 13 00:00:49,332 --> 00:00:52,142 (Laughter) 14 00:00:52,142 --> 00:00:54,014 Oh, cool, cool cool! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 15 00:00:54,014 --> 00:00:55,414 I'll do that. I'll do that. 16 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:59,417 Let me just share some jokes with you today. 17 00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:04,465 I've been doing stand-up comedy for almost 12 years now. 18 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:07,801 And when I first started, I was young and fresh. 19 00:01:08,451 --> 00:01:09,978 Now I'm getting older. 20 00:01:10,258 --> 00:01:12,039 I mean, I know, I still look young. 21 00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:13,098 Thank you so much! 22 00:01:13,098 --> 00:01:14,619 (Laughter) 23 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,772 But I'm getting older, you guys. 24 00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:20,842 And this is how you know you're getting older: 25 00:01:21,363 --> 00:01:23,551 when you hurt your back 26 00:01:23,811 --> 00:01:25,745 but you don't know how. 27 00:01:25,745 --> 00:01:28,185 (Laughter) 28 00:01:30,140 --> 00:01:33,958 Like, I don't even have a cool story to tell you guys. 29 00:01:33,958 --> 00:01:34,955 (Laughter) 30 00:01:43,936 --> 00:01:45,596 (Laughter) 31 00:01:34,955 --> 00:01:40,155 Like, I can't be like, "Oh yeah, last week I was skiing, and ... 32 00:01:40,155 --> 00:01:41,486 (Laughter) 33 00:01:42,056 --> 00:01:43,936 you know how I do this. 34 00:01:45,596 --> 00:01:47,006 I went hard." 35 00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:48,406 (Laughter) 36 00:01:48,406 --> 00:01:50,266 No, I was putting my socks on. 37 00:01:50,266 --> 00:01:52,026 (Laughter) 38 00:01:55,069 --> 00:01:56,460 Yeah, I went hard. 39 00:01:56,460 --> 00:01:58,437 (Laughter) 40 00:01:58,437 --> 00:01:59,497 Getting older - 41 00:01:59,497 --> 00:02:02,729 Have you ever been walking down the street minding your own business, 42 00:02:02,729 --> 00:02:04,912 and all of a sudden, your knee is like, "Hey!" 43 00:02:04,912 --> 00:02:06,542 (Laughter) 44 00:02:07,522 --> 00:02:09,182 And you're like, "What happened?" 45 00:02:09,182 --> 00:02:10,072 (Laughter) 46 00:02:10,532 --> 00:02:12,284 We know how to do this!" 47 00:02:12,284 --> 00:02:13,442 (Laughter) 48 00:02:15,549 --> 00:02:18,779 I hurt my back, so I went to get a massage. 49 00:02:18,779 --> 00:02:22,818 And this next part of my story you're probably not even going to believe. 50 00:02:22,818 --> 00:02:25,817 You're going to be like, "Oh, she just made that up for a joke." 51 00:02:25,817 --> 00:02:27,631 Promise you, no, I didn't. 52 00:02:27,631 --> 00:02:28,871 (Laughter) 53 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,573 Went to get a massage, 54 00:02:30,573 --> 00:02:34,593 and the guy who was giving me my massage fell asleep. 55 00:02:34,593 --> 00:02:36,623 (Laughter) 56 00:02:39,763 --> 00:02:41,473 I know. 57 00:02:41,473 --> 00:02:44,161 I know you're probably thinking to yourselves right now, 58 00:02:44,161 --> 00:02:46,081 "How is that even possible?" 59 00:02:46,086 --> 00:02:47,026 (Laughter) 60 00:02:47,026 --> 00:02:49,067 I didn't know it was an option either. 61 00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,357 (Laughter) 62 00:02:54,826 --> 00:02:56,756 (Laughter) 63 00:02:50,964 --> 00:02:54,826 Apparently, I'm really good at reverse relaxation. 64 00:02:57,356 --> 00:02:58,750 But I should have known, 65 00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:00,846 I should have known it was going to be weird 66 00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:03,542 because it started off weird. 67 00:03:03,804 --> 00:03:07,831 He started by asking me these seance type questions. 68 00:03:08,399 --> 00:03:12,228 He was like, "Okay, close your eyes, take a deep breath. 69 00:03:12,228 --> 00:03:15,568 Now tell me, Where are you?" 70 00:03:15,568 --> 00:03:16,638 (Laughter) 71 00:03:16,638 --> 00:03:18,477 (Breathes in) 72 00:03:18,477 --> 00:03:20,175 "Massage Envy." 73 00:03:20,175 --> 00:03:22,221 (Laughter) 74 00:03:41,735 --> 00:03:42,598 (Laughter) 75 00:03:27,821 --> 00:03:31,371 "Now tell me, What are you?" 76 00:03:35,929 --> 00:03:37,259 "A girl? 77 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,939 (Laughter) 78 00:03:39,505 --> 00:03:41,735 Um, I don't like this part of the massage." 79 00:03:42,598 --> 00:03:44,774 So he starts by rubbing my feet, right? 80 00:03:44,774 --> 00:03:47,678 We're fifteen minutes into the massage, he's rubbing my feet. 81 00:03:47,678 --> 00:03:50,208 All of a sudden, he starts to slow down. 82 00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:53,590 (Laughter) 83 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:59,135 Next thing you know, he just stopped. 84 00:03:59,355 --> 00:04:00,467 (Laughter) 85 00:04:00,827 --> 00:04:03,240 Now, he's just holding my foot. 86 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,060 (Laughter) 87 00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:12,698 At first, I thought he was doing his seance thing again. 88 00:04:12,698 --> 00:04:13,564 (Laughter) 89 00:04:13,564 --> 00:04:16,044 I was like, "Oh, Okay! 90 00:04:16,044 --> 00:04:16,924 (Laughter) 91 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:20,724 He is probably meditating the pain out my foot." 92 00:04:20,724 --> 00:04:22,174 (Laughter) 93 00:04:23,051 --> 00:04:26,714 But then I could hear his breathing get real deep and slow, like this. 94 00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:33,614 (Breathes heavily) 95 00:04:34,771 --> 00:04:36,025 And then he did this. 96 00:04:38,997 --> 00:04:40,909 (Laughter) 97 00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:47,882 (Laughter) 98 00:04:47,882 --> 00:04:50,446 and then continued the massage. 99 00:04:50,446 --> 00:04:51,385 (Laughter) 100 00:04:44,020 --> 00:04:46,350 He startled himself awake 101 00:04:51,385 --> 00:04:54,046 Listen, if you've never gotten a massage before, 102 00:04:54,046 --> 00:04:56,315 you don't fully understand. 103 00:04:56,775 --> 00:04:59,848 It's a vulnerable situation, 104 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:01,544 okay? 105 00:05:01,544 --> 00:05:02,877 Because you're lying there, 106 00:05:02,877 --> 00:05:03,917 naked, 107 00:05:03,917 --> 00:05:05,037 (Laughter) 108 00:05:05,037 --> 00:05:07,387 with a little tiny sheet on. 109 00:05:07,817 --> 00:05:10,063 There's a stranger touching you. 110 00:05:10,951 --> 00:05:14,677 Anytime you're naked with a stranger, that's awkward. 111 00:05:14,677 --> 00:05:16,567 (Laughter) 112 00:05:17,649 --> 00:05:19,634 Unless you're the creepy guy at the gym. 113 00:05:19,634 --> 00:05:21,824 (Laughter) 114 00:05:23,404 --> 00:05:25,404 (Laughter) 115 00:05:21,824 --> 00:05:23,404 He's okay with it. 116 00:05:28,693 --> 00:05:32,244 It's a vulnerable situation, getting a massage. 117 00:05:32,244 --> 00:05:33,669 How about this one? 118 00:05:33,669 --> 00:05:34,940 What do you do 119 00:05:34,940 --> 00:05:38,047 if your massage therapist has a bad breath? 120 00:05:39,570 --> 00:05:40,880 Oh, it happens. 121 00:05:41,718 --> 00:05:42,703 Oh yeah, 122 00:05:42,703 --> 00:05:45,543 you're lying there trying to relax. 123 00:05:45,543 --> 00:05:48,043 His face is over your face. 124 00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:50,543 You can smell his bad breath. 125 00:05:51,236 --> 00:05:53,365 So you start breathing through your mouth. 126 00:05:53,365 --> 00:05:55,105 (Laughter) 127 00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:56,692 (Breaths heavily) 128 00:05:56,692 --> 00:05:57,969 (Laughter) 129 00:05:57,969 --> 00:05:59,619 (Breaths heavily) 130 00:06:00,139 --> 00:06:03,026 But then you don't want his bad breath in your mouth. 131 00:06:03,026 --> 00:06:04,876 (Laughter) 132 00:06:04,876 --> 00:06:08,290 So now you got to calculate your breathing with his breathing. 133 00:06:11,643 --> 00:06:14,467 (Laughter) 134 00:06:17,024 --> 00:06:20,932 Like, I know I requested the aromatherapy massage, 135 00:06:20,932 --> 00:06:22,712 (Laughter) 136 00:06:23,325 --> 00:06:26,369 but I didn't know I had to get specific. 137 00:06:26,369 --> 00:06:27,799 (Laughter) 138 00:06:28,359 --> 00:06:31,089 And there's different kinds of bad breath, 139 00:06:31,742 --> 00:06:33,312 there's different kinds. 140 00:06:33,316 --> 00:06:36,612 Like, you can tell when somebody just got off their lunch break. 141 00:06:36,962 --> 00:06:41,011 You'd be like, "Ah, man! He just had onions. That sucks." 142 00:06:41,971 --> 00:06:44,171 But at least it's identifiable. 143 00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,171 (Laughter) 144 00:06:47,772 --> 00:06:49,477 Like coffee breath. 145 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,183 That's identifiable. 146 00:06:51,183 --> 00:06:56,341 I can respect coffee breath because that's a working mans' breath. 147 00:06:56,341 --> 00:06:57,905 (Laughter) 148 00:06:58,979 --> 00:07:04,108 But then, there's the kind of breath where they are dying on the inside. 149 00:07:04,108 --> 00:07:06,418 (Laughter) 150 00:07:07,779 --> 00:07:10,431 Gum can not help this kind, 151 00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:11,749 (Laughter) 152 00:07:11,749 --> 00:07:14,119 because if they put gum in the mouth, 153 00:07:14,119 --> 00:07:16,949 the breath is just going to come out the nose. 154 00:07:16,949 --> 00:07:18,769 (Laughter) 155 00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,405 It will find you. 156 00:07:21,405 --> 00:07:22,645 (Laughter) 157 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:28,282 God forbid you have to speak up and say something during a massage. 158 00:07:28,712 --> 00:07:30,252 It's so awkward. 159 00:07:30,897 --> 00:07:34,207 Like, maybe they are massaging you way too hard. 160 00:07:34,458 --> 00:07:36,472 Then you have to speak up and be like, 161 00:07:36,472 --> 00:07:40,187 "Oh, sorry, um, could you not leave bruises?" 162 00:07:40,187 --> 00:07:42,222 (Laughter) 163 00:07:42,558 --> 00:07:45,398 Or maybe they are massaging you, like, way too soft, 164 00:07:46,427 --> 00:07:48,649 like they're doing tickle massage. 165 00:07:48,649 --> 00:07:50,039 (Laughter) 166 00:07:50,941 --> 00:07:54,921 And you're like, "Um, well, I could have my husband do this at home." 167 00:07:54,921 --> 00:07:57,546 (Laughter) 168 00:08:01,455 --> 00:08:03,585 Now you got to speak up and be like, 169 00:08:03,585 --> 00:08:06,185 "Oh, sorry, um, could you try?" 170 00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:08,899 (Laughter) 171 00:08:16,070 --> 00:08:19,180 Now it's the most awkward for me because I have to be like, 172 00:08:19,180 --> 00:08:21,974 "Oh, sorry, could you not be asleep?" 173 00:08:21,974 --> 00:08:24,114 (Laughter) 174 00:08:24,728 --> 00:08:26,868 It was the weirdest massage I've ever had. 175 00:08:27,354 --> 00:08:29,359 I didn't even know what to do after that. 176 00:08:29,359 --> 00:08:32,194 I just grabbed my cucumber water, got the heck out of there. 177 00:08:32,661 --> 00:08:34,597 But my back still hurt, 178 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:38,721 so I went and I got a free massage over at Brookstone. 179 00:08:38,721 --> 00:08:41,141 (Laughter) 180 00:08:42,881 --> 00:08:46,670 Don't act like you've never sat in the massage chair at Brookstone. 181 00:08:46,670 --> 00:08:47,780 (Laughter) 182 00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:50,082 Everybody walks by that store 183 00:08:50,082 --> 00:08:53,271 acting like they've never heard of a massage chair before. 184 00:08:53,743 --> 00:08:56,983 "Oh, wow! 185 00:08:56,983 --> 00:08:58,204 (Laughter) 186 00:08:58,495 --> 00:08:59,975 It massages? 187 00:08:59,975 --> 00:09:01,125 Oh. 188 00:09:01,125 --> 00:09:02,797 (Laughter) 189 00:09:02,797 --> 00:09:03,717 I can sit? 190 00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,867 Oh, sure, I'll try it out. 191 00:09:05,867 --> 00:09:07,227 Sure! 192 00:09:07,723 --> 00:09:09,283 Oh, comfy. 193 00:09:10,775 --> 00:09:12,365 Push the green button? 194 00:09:12,365 --> 00:09:14,070 Okay. 195 00:09:14,576 --> 00:09:19,626 Oh, yep, really good pressure. 196 00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:21,501 (Laughter) 197 00:09:21,922 --> 00:09:23,496 I like it a lot." 198 00:09:25,549 --> 00:09:28,179 But then all of a sudden, the massage changes 199 00:09:31,166 --> 00:09:33,216 (Laughter) 200 00:09:29,387 --> 00:09:31,166 to the shiatsu shimmy. 201 00:09:33,987 --> 00:09:35,207 Ladies, 202 00:09:36,349 --> 00:09:38,413 you know the shiatsu shimmy. 203 00:09:38,413 --> 00:09:40,403 (Laughter) 204 00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:43,080 At first, you try to fight it. 205 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,272 (Laughter) 206 00:09:51,793 --> 00:09:53,453 I hope nobody's watching. 207 00:09:53,487 --> 00:09:55,407 (Laughter) 208 00:09:57,143 --> 00:09:59,243 But then after a while, you just embrace it, 209 00:09:59,243 --> 00:10:00,613 you're like, oh well! 210 00:10:00,613 --> 00:10:03,092 (Laughter) 211 00:10:06,255 --> 00:10:09,135 All the guys at Gamestop across the way start watching. 212 00:10:09,135 --> 00:10:11,547 (Laughter) 213 00:10:11,547 --> 00:10:13,047 Yeah, light them up, boys! 214 00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,309 (Laughter) 215 00:10:19,566 --> 00:10:22,563 I'll just stick to my husband's massages. 216 00:10:23,897 --> 00:10:26,769 My husband and I have been married for seven years, you guys. 217 00:10:26,769 --> 00:10:27,970 Seven years! 218 00:10:27,970 --> 00:10:28,855 Thank you! 219 00:10:28,855 --> 00:10:30,320 ( Applause) 220 00:10:30,832 --> 00:10:31,962 Thank you! 221 00:10:32,194 --> 00:10:35,708 And in our house, in our relationship, 222 00:10:35,708 --> 00:10:37,982 our roles are kind of reversed, 223 00:10:38,330 --> 00:10:39,790 and we are okay with that. 224 00:10:40,088 --> 00:10:43,225 Like, whatever works for you in your relationship, 225 00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:44,258 do that. 226 00:10:44,258 --> 00:10:45,679 Do what works. 227 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,765 For us, our roles are a little flippy floppy, 228 00:10:48,765 --> 00:10:49,754 you know? 229 00:10:49,754 --> 00:10:51,700 Like, I bring home the bacon. 230 00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:54,591 (Applause) 231 00:10:56,034 --> 00:10:57,866 I am just not allowed to cook it. 232 00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,556 (Laughter) 233 00:11:01,644 --> 00:11:04,404 My husband loves to go shopping; 234 00:11:05,074 --> 00:11:08,574 I love to sit outside the store with the rest of the husbands. 235 00:11:08,574 --> 00:11:10,864 (Laughter) 236 00:11:12,119 --> 00:11:15,364 He is super sexy and fashionable; 237 00:11:15,689 --> 00:11:17,849 lots of people think I am a lesbian. 238 00:11:17,849 --> 00:11:20,339 (Laughter) 239 00:11:20,575 --> 00:11:23,465 Girls will flirt with my husband right in front of me 240 00:11:23,805 --> 00:11:25,945 because they think I am his gay little buddy. 241 00:11:25,945 --> 00:11:27,365 (Laughter) 242 00:11:27,365 --> 00:11:30,853 They're like, "Ah, where are you from?" 243 00:11:30,853 --> 00:11:32,803 "Ah, he's from my house." 244 00:11:32,803 --> 00:11:35,123 (Laughter) 245 00:11:35,123 --> 00:11:37,283 (Applause) 246 00:11:40,422 --> 00:11:42,652 My husband has a beautiful afro, 247 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,872 so girls are always like, "Oh, can I feel your hair?" 248 00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,332 "Oh, you could feel my fist. 249 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:48,904 Hmm, hmm, hmm!" 250 00:11:48,904 --> 00:11:50,442 (Laughter) 251 00:11:50,992 --> 00:11:53,292 Wow, your little buddy's feisty. 252 00:11:53,292 --> 00:11:55,382 (Laughter) 253 00:11:56,851 --> 00:12:00,551 Sometimes when we go places, my husband likes to pick out my outfit for me 254 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:04,321 because he wants to make sure I look like a girl when we get there. 255 00:12:04,321 --> 00:12:05,551 (Laughter) 256 00:12:05,551 --> 00:12:07,621 He'll be like, "Alright babe, let's see. 257 00:12:07,621 --> 00:12:09,173 Put on these jeans right here" - 258 00:12:09,173 --> 00:12:10,726 yep, my favorite - 259 00:12:10,990 --> 00:12:12,270 "this T-shirt" - 260 00:12:12,270 --> 00:12:14,172 I like where this is going - 261 00:12:14,309 --> 00:12:16,090 "and these stilettos" - 262 00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:17,620 aargh, so close. 263 00:12:17,830 --> 00:12:19,760 (Laughter) 264 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:22,540 And I get it, my husband wants to see me in heels 265 00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:25,359 because women look sexy in heels - 266 00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:27,613 just not this woman. 267 00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:28,789 (Laughter) 268 00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:29,979 And I will tell you why. 269 00:12:29,979 --> 00:12:33,431 Because I am bowlegged. 270 00:12:37,641 --> 00:12:40,111 See how my knees don't touch? 271 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,702 Trying my hardest. 272 00:12:42,702 --> 00:12:43,958 (Laughter) 273 00:12:45,674 --> 00:12:47,924 Girl right here, in the front, in the center, 274 00:12:48,288 --> 00:12:52,142 do you see how my feet are closed 275 00:12:52,142 --> 00:12:54,502 but you can still see the stool behind me? 276 00:12:54,502 --> 00:12:56,479 (Laughter) 277 00:13:00,536 --> 00:13:03,636 So that means when I wear heels, 278 00:13:04,236 --> 00:13:05,436 I look like this. 279 00:13:07,457 --> 00:13:09,859 (Laughter) 280 00:13:09,859 --> 00:13:12,269 Look like I rode my horse to the club. 281 00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,619 (Laughter) 282 00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:18,697 Aee, aee, aeeaeeaeeaee! 283 00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:20,179 (Laughter) 284 00:13:22,765 --> 00:13:26,561 You guys, if I am wearing heels 285 00:13:26,589 --> 00:13:29,038 and I want to do something daring, 286 00:13:29,273 --> 00:13:31,244 like walk, 287 00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:32,981 (Laughter) 288 00:13:33,199 --> 00:13:36,149 I have to bend my knees a little bit. 289 00:13:38,082 --> 00:13:41,922 (Laughter) 290 00:13:43,644 --> 00:13:44,939 Look like a camel. 291 00:13:44,939 --> 00:13:46,309 (Laughter) 292 00:13:47,224 --> 00:13:50,774 Look like a camel trying to fold itself to get some rest. 293 00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:55,120 (Laughter) 294 00:13:55,722 --> 00:13:59,135 (Applause) 295 00:14:06,585 --> 00:14:07,545 (Spits) 296 00:14:07,545 --> 00:14:09,955 (Laughter) 297 00:14:14,780 --> 00:14:16,865 That's not sexy at all. 298 00:14:19,430 --> 00:14:23,360 We live in Hollywood, and it's weird living in Hollywood 299 00:14:23,747 --> 00:14:27,677 because there is always, like, rumors and gossip. 300 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:30,479 And there was actually a rumor going around 301 00:14:30,479 --> 00:14:33,550 that I was dating Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. 302 00:14:33,550 --> 00:14:34,809 (Audience) Wooh! 303 00:14:34,809 --> 00:14:36,139 That's what I said. 304 00:14:36,139 --> 00:14:39,129 (Laughter) 305 00:14:39,575 --> 00:14:41,205 I was like, "Wooh, okay!" 306 00:14:41,205 --> 00:14:43,015 (Laughter) 307 00:14:43,228 --> 00:14:44,518 Hey, Mr. Rock. 308 00:14:44,518 --> 00:14:46,218 (Laughter) 309 00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:50,588 I mean, that was me. I started that one. I did that. 310 00:14:50,588 --> 00:14:52,698 (Laughter) 311 00:14:56,138 --> 00:14:58,678 Didn't quite catch on like I thought it would. 312 00:14:58,678 --> 00:15:00,038 (Laughter) 313 00:15:00,038 --> 00:15:02,501 I tweeted it out and only three people replied. 314 00:15:03,131 --> 00:15:04,891 Two people were like, "No way!" 315 00:15:05,251 --> 00:15:07,471 One guy was like, "You wish!" 316 00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:08,531 (Laughter) 317 00:15:08,531 --> 00:15:09,851 It was my husband. 318 00:15:09,851 --> 00:15:11,811 (Laughter) 319 00:15:15,531 --> 00:15:17,806 I got kind of famous on Youtube 320 00:15:17,806 --> 00:15:20,436 for this joke about going to get my nails done. 321 00:15:20,436 --> 00:15:23,514 (Applause) 322 00:15:25,908 --> 00:15:27,258 So you've heard it. 323 00:15:27,258 --> 00:15:29,628 (Laughter) 324 00:15:29,935 --> 00:15:32,565 This is the joke that put me on the map. 325 00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:36,320 People know of me because of this joke. 326 00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:40,045 People come to my shows just for this joke. 327 00:15:41,197 --> 00:15:44,096 And it is a blessing; it really is. 328 00:15:44,530 --> 00:15:48,270 Because not every comedian gets to say that they have that, 329 00:15:48,626 --> 00:15:52,220 that they have something that has resonated with so many people, 330 00:15:52,421 --> 00:15:55,261 and that these people will then pay their hard earned money 331 00:15:55,261 --> 00:15:57,679 to come and see you perform live. 332 00:15:58,063 --> 00:16:01,030 So I just want to say that I am so grateful 333 00:16:01,163 --> 00:16:04,113 that I get to make people laugh for a living. 334 00:16:04,573 --> 00:16:08,295 Because laughter is medicine, and I get to be a part of the medicine. 335 00:16:08,483 --> 00:16:10,053 I am so grateful for that. 336 00:16:10,063 --> 00:16:13,839 So as long as this joke continues to bring people joy, 337 00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:15,629 then I will continue to do it. 338 00:16:15,629 --> 00:16:18,919 (Applause) 339 00:16:20,743 --> 00:16:22,678 So with that being said, 340 00:16:22,678 --> 00:16:25,387 I will do the joke for you. 341 00:16:25,387 --> 00:16:28,067 (Applause) 342 00:16:29,116 --> 00:16:31,176 Any ladies in here get your nails done? 343 00:16:31,176 --> 00:16:32,746 (Audience) Whoo! 344 00:16:33,866 --> 00:16:37,337 I go with my sister to this place that's called Beautiful Nail. 345 00:16:39,671 --> 00:16:40,836 Just one. 346 00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:42,496 (Laughter) 347 00:16:42,496 --> 00:16:44,428 Nail is beautiful. 348 00:16:45,081 --> 00:16:45,926 It's okay though 349 00:16:45,926 --> 00:16:47,531 because these ladies are so nice. 350 00:16:47,531 --> 00:16:50,008 They make you feel like it's all about you, 351 00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:51,669 and customer service, you know, 352 00:16:51,669 --> 00:16:53,835 "Whatever you like we do for you." 353 00:16:53,835 --> 00:16:55,744 (Laughter) 354 00:16:55,877 --> 00:16:59,089 "We do full set, only 16 dollar." 355 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,051 (Laughter) 356 00:17:01,051 --> 00:17:03,801 As soon as I walk in, they greet me right away, 357 00:17:03,801 --> 00:17:05,901 "Hi, honey, what you need today? 358 00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:07,037 (Laughter) 359 00:17:07,173 --> 00:17:09,443 You want to whack your eyebrow?" 360 00:17:10,789 --> 00:17:12,509 Ah, no! No, thank you! 361 00:17:13,006 --> 00:17:14,326 "Honey, you need to whack." 362 00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:16,824 (Laughter) 363 00:17:17,892 --> 00:17:21,412 "Can I get a manicure, please?" "OK, honey, you like to pedicure too?" 364 00:17:21,727 --> 00:17:24,197 "Ah no, just the manicure, thanks!" 365 00:17:24,197 --> 00:17:27,710 "Honey, why you don't like? 366 00:17:27,710 --> 00:17:29,520 (Laughter) 367 00:17:29,529 --> 00:17:31,476 Pedicure make look nice, 368 00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:33,526 is so sexy. 369 00:17:34,111 --> 00:17:35,983 It's better for you." 370 00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:38,924 "Oh, okay, sure. 371 00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:41,038 I'll get a pedicure too then. Thank you!" 372 00:17:41,038 --> 00:17:43,918 "Okay, honey, sit down, number six. Mỹ Linh, she do for you. 373 00:17:43,918 --> 00:17:46,485 Good job, only 20 dollars more. That's okay, sit down." 374 00:17:46,485 --> 00:17:47,744 (Laughter) 375 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,921 So, Mỹ Linh starts doing my nails right away, 376 00:17:49,921 --> 00:17:51,659 but her American name is Tammy. 377 00:17:55,190 --> 00:17:57,097 "You have boyfriend?" 378 00:17:57,414 --> 00:17:58,980 "No, no, I don't have a boy-" 379 00:17:58,980 --> 00:18:01,310 "Honey, why don't you have? 380 00:18:01,986 --> 00:18:03,141 I think, you know, 381 00:18:03,141 --> 00:18:05,018 the first time you walked in here, 382 00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:07,201 you looked like model, 383 00:18:07,384 --> 00:18:09,601 cheerleader, 384 00:18:09,906 --> 00:18:11,919 something pretty. 385 00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:13,948 You like long or short nail?" 386 00:18:13,948 --> 00:18:15,608 "Ah, short nails, please. Thanks!" 387 00:18:15,608 --> 00:18:17,898 "Oh, honey, that's why you don't have boyfriend. 388 00:18:17,898 --> 00:18:20,258 (Laughter) 389 00:18:20,258 --> 00:18:21,672 It's okay, I do for you. 390 00:18:21,672 --> 00:18:22,931 It's better for you. 391 00:18:22,931 --> 00:18:25,133 Only four dollar more. That's okay. 392 00:18:25,133 --> 00:18:27,623 (Laughter) 393 00:18:27,966 --> 00:18:30,186 Do you like with no gel?" 394 00:18:32,140 --> 00:18:32,991 "What?" 395 00:18:32,991 --> 00:18:35,380 (Laughter) 396 00:18:36,005 --> 00:18:38,825 "Do you like with no gel?" 397 00:18:40,844 --> 00:18:43,564 (Laughter) 398 00:18:47,903 --> 00:18:51,543 (Laughter) 399 00:18:54,712 --> 00:18:56,440 "I am sorry. 400 00:18:57,332 --> 00:18:58,317 What?" 401 00:18:58,317 --> 00:18:59,317 (Laughter) 402 00:18:59,317 --> 00:19:02,658 "Honey, I say, 'Do you like with no gel for your nail?' 403 00:19:02,658 --> 00:19:04,904 It's the best thing you can have for your nail. 404 00:19:04,904 --> 00:19:07,005 You sparkle like diamond in the sky. 405 00:19:07,005 --> 00:19:08,925 Do you like with no gel?" 406 00:19:08,925 --> 00:19:10,426 (Laughter) 407 00:19:12,788 --> 00:19:13,968 "Oh that! 408 00:19:13,968 --> 00:19:16,302 (Laughter) 409 00:19:16,302 --> 00:19:17,296 Sure! 410 00:19:17,861 --> 00:19:21,246 I'll have the, ah, 'crico?' 411 00:19:21,246 --> 00:19:22,406 (Laughter) 412 00:19:22,406 --> 00:19:23,644 The crunchy stuff. 413 00:19:23,644 --> 00:19:24,514 (Laughter) 414 00:19:24,514 --> 00:19:25,514 Thanks!" 415 00:19:25,514 --> 00:19:28,074 "It's okay, honey, don't worry. It's better for you. 416 00:19:28,439 --> 00:19:30,859 Only six dollar more. That's okay. 417 00:19:30,859 --> 00:19:32,185 (Laughter) 418 00:19:32,185 --> 00:19:35,225 It's better honey, better for me." 419 00:19:35,225 --> 00:19:37,325 (Laughter) 420 00:19:37,325 --> 00:19:39,494 "Okay honey, I'll finish. Go wash your hands." 421 00:19:39,494 --> 00:19:40,984 "Alright, thanks, Tammy. 422 00:19:40,984 --> 00:19:43,532 Oh, ah, wait a minute. 423 00:19:44,212 --> 00:19:46,032 Hold on, this one's a little crooked. 424 00:19:46,743 --> 00:19:47,973 See that?" 425 00:19:53,227 --> 00:19:54,622 "No honey, that your finger. 426 00:19:54,622 --> 00:19:55,932 Do like that." 427 00:19:55,932 --> 00:19:57,926 (Laughter) 428 00:19:59,249 --> 00:20:00,509 "Really?! 429 00:20:01,181 --> 00:20:03,464 It's funny because my finger didn't do like that 430 00:20:03,464 --> 00:20:05,368 before I came in here." 431 00:20:05,958 --> 00:20:09,408 "It's okay honey, don't worry. I'll fix it for you, don't worry." 432 00:20:09,664 --> 00:20:12,100 (Imitates talking in Vietnamese) 433 00:20:12,100 --> 00:20:13,924 (Laughter) 434 00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:25,089 (Laughter) 435 00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:31,981 (Stops talking Vietnamese) 436 00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,891 "Oh, see? You look so pretty!" 437 00:20:34,271 --> 00:20:36,323 God bless, you guys. I'm Anjelah Johnson. 438 00:20:36,323 --> 00:20:37,408 Thank you so much! 439 00:20:37,408 --> 00:20:39,518 (Applause) 440 00:20:39,518 --> 00:20:41,878 Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. 441 00:20:41,878 --> 00:20:43,222 (Applause)