WEBVTT 00:00:14.042 --> 00:00:17.709 William Shakespeare said that "all the world's a stage," 00:00:17.719 --> 00:00:20.933 and the men and women are merely players. 00:00:20.944 --> 00:00:23.718 I must tell you in my experiences as a drag queen, 00:00:23.719 --> 00:00:25.939 I am constantly learning the lesson 00:00:25.940 --> 00:00:30.316 between being a player and playing a character. 00:00:30.317 --> 00:00:33.652 We as human beings all experience the tension 00:00:33.655 --> 00:00:38.801 between who it is we think we are and who the world would have us be. 00:00:40.200 --> 00:00:44.099 You see, I have learned so many things on my journey as a drag queen, 00:00:44.100 --> 00:00:46.794 including that by dressing up in drag 00:00:46.795 --> 00:00:50.880 I am more alike all of you than I am different. 00:00:50.881 --> 00:00:54.491 Because the truth is we all learn to dress up in life. 00:00:54.492 --> 00:00:57.334 We dress up to find where it is we fit in 00:00:57.349 --> 00:01:01.094 with our relationships, our jobs, and our hobbies. 00:01:01.095 --> 00:01:06.673 We dress up to hide from our fears, our vulnerabilities and insecurities, 00:01:06.674 --> 00:01:09.361 the pressure to be thinner, happier, 00:01:09.362 --> 00:01:13.066 more successful and confident versions of ourselves. 00:01:13.067 --> 00:01:18.452 We dress up to be what the expectations of life would have us be. 00:01:18.453 --> 00:01:22.594 The CEO with every answer in a moment of crisis, 00:01:22.595 --> 00:01:26.396 the PTA mom that shows up and never breaks a sweat, 00:01:26.397 --> 00:01:31.176 someone else's version of a perfect son or daughter, 00:01:31.177 --> 00:01:33.211 to be the perfect spouse. 00:01:34.409 --> 00:01:39.089 We dress up when our social lives become so busy and full 00:01:39.090 --> 00:01:44.578 we have no time to deal with anything remotely real or emotional. 00:01:44.579 --> 00:01:46.884 I have learned as a drag queen 00:01:46.885 --> 00:01:50.839 that when we dress up for the sake and approval of other people, 00:01:50.840 --> 00:01:55.034 when we play a character in our real life 00:01:55.035 --> 00:01:57.982 because it seems safer and seductive, 00:01:57.983 --> 00:02:02.587 we lose the ability to experience our authentic self, 00:02:02.588 --> 00:02:08.316 we get lost playing a character living in a make-believe world with other characters 00:02:08.317 --> 00:02:11.577 instead of a true actor on a stage. 00:02:12.908 --> 00:02:16.428 Dressing up in drag is and continues to be 00:02:16.429 --> 00:02:20.590 the ultimate act of rebellion for my Latino, Italian, 00:02:20.601 --> 00:02:23.959 conservative, Republican, catholic, South Texas family 00:02:23.960 --> 00:02:25.573 (Laughter) (Applause) 00:02:25.574 --> 00:02:27.376 that I was born to be a part of. 00:02:27.377 --> 00:02:28.729 (Applause) 00:02:30.770 --> 00:02:33.949 It is somewhat exhausting. 00:02:33.950 --> 00:02:37.249 Christmas is very interesting. 00:02:37.250 --> 00:02:40.489 But this being my family, I was born in a world 00:02:40.490 --> 00:02:44.698 full of expectations and demands of who I was to be as a man -- 00:02:44.699 --> 00:02:49.127 a drag queen is not one of them, but it is who I am. 00:02:49.128 --> 00:02:53.298 So, I'll never forget the look of fear on my mother's face 00:02:53.299 --> 00:02:57.772 when I told her that I wanted to dress up as a woman when I was older too, 00:02:57.773 --> 00:03:00.766 just as the other boys were doing on Jerry Springer. 00:03:00.767 --> 00:03:03.097 (Laughter) 00:03:03.098 --> 00:03:06.635 I was 5 years old. Why we were watching Jerry Springer I have no idea. 00:03:06.636 --> 00:03:08.472 (Laughter) 00:03:09.206 --> 00:03:13.620 But what I remember, being beautiful, my mother told me was sin. 00:03:13.621 --> 00:03:18.339 The truth is, dressing up in drag is, and continues to be, 00:03:18.340 --> 00:03:21.397 the celebration of who I am in my life. 00:03:21.398 --> 00:03:24.161 Playing a character has led me back 00:03:24.162 --> 00:03:28.328 to the person that I am underneath the makeup, the player, 00:03:28.329 --> 00:03:33.380 living behind a character in a superficial world that tells all of us 00:03:33.381 --> 00:03:37.063 that we could somehow be better versions of ourselves. 00:03:38.204 --> 00:03:41.445 I knew deep down inside growing up 00:03:41.447 --> 00:03:45.383 that who I was, was probably never going to change. 00:03:48.209 --> 00:03:51.917 I did everything I could to convince the world or my family, 00:03:51.918 --> 00:03:55.277 that I could be somebody else on the outside. 00:03:55.278 --> 00:03:58.205 I couldn't see what I was getting myself into at the time, 00:03:58.206 --> 00:04:02.352 but drag continues to be my real journey out of my closet. 00:04:02.353 --> 00:04:06.545 Drag is the journey that has saved my life. 00:04:06.546 --> 00:04:09.340 I created a character out of a desperate act 00:04:09.341 --> 00:04:13.170 to reconnect with something deep and familiar. 00:04:13.171 --> 00:04:17.411 When I came out of the closet, I lost everything I could think of. 00:04:17.413 --> 00:04:19.891 I lost my family support, 00:04:19.892 --> 00:04:25.682 I lost my sense of love, connection, belonging, my sense of faith. 00:04:25.683 --> 00:04:28.614 I lost everything and everyone in my life 00:04:28.627 --> 00:04:32.687 that I was pretending to be somebody else for. 00:04:32.688 --> 00:04:35.568 And at 21 years old when I looked in the mirror 00:04:35.569 --> 00:04:40.324 the person staring back at me was the biggest stranger I had ever met. 00:04:40.325 --> 00:04:42.192 But how could it not be? 00:04:42.193 --> 00:04:46.068 I had been encouraged to live a lie my whole life. 00:04:46.069 --> 00:04:50.199 I had learned to push aside who I was born to be 00:04:50.200 --> 00:04:52.302 for whom I needed to play 00:04:52.303 --> 00:04:57.025 for a sense of safety and acceptance. 00:04:57.026 --> 00:05:00.438 Losing everything was not the game over 00:05:00.439 --> 00:05:03.105 that I thought it was to be like in "Mario". 00:05:03.112 --> 00:05:05.275 I had a second chance. 00:05:05.276 --> 00:05:09.385 Losing everything was my authenticity reset, 00:05:09.386 --> 00:05:13.114 where my life, if I could accept who I was, 00:05:13.115 --> 00:05:16.101 could be genuine, honest, and true. 00:05:17.537 --> 00:05:19.838 So, I created this drag character 00:05:19.839 --> 00:05:24.518 to run away from the angry, scared, insecure boy 00:05:24.520 --> 00:05:27.846 that I had become, living in my closet. 00:05:27.847 --> 00:05:30.327 You see, as Fonda, I experienced a world 00:05:30.328 --> 00:05:34.899 where I was seen as brave, confidant, and beautiful. 00:05:34.918 --> 00:05:38.277 I would stand up and fight the heteronormative ideal 00:05:38.278 --> 00:05:41.540 with my hair spray, glitter, and stiletto heels. 00:05:41.541 --> 00:05:42.741 (Laughter) 00:05:42.742 --> 00:05:48.073 For once in my life I felt loved, celebrated, and accepted. 00:05:48.074 --> 00:05:51.027 Every time I put on the wigs and the makeup 00:05:51.028 --> 00:05:53.751 my life became more real. 00:05:53.752 --> 00:05:57.900 But so did the monsters that I was running from. 00:05:57.901 --> 00:06:00.678 You see, I learned through dressing up as Fonda Cox 00:06:00.679 --> 00:06:03.109 that the characters I have been playing in my life 00:06:03.110 --> 00:06:05.473 were not the drag characters. 00:06:05.474 --> 00:06:10.131 It was Eric, it was the boy that was never allowed to be, 00:06:10.132 --> 00:06:12.324 the boy who had an eating disorder, 00:06:12.325 --> 00:06:14.772 the boy who needed you to love him 00:06:14.773 --> 00:06:17.853 by always having to be the center of attention. 00:06:17.854 --> 00:06:22.710 It was the boy that pretended to have gay pride 00:06:22.711 --> 00:06:27.606 instead of experiencing and opening up about his gay shame. 00:06:29.885 --> 00:06:34.726 You see, I am so grateful when I finally started listening to the people around me, 00:06:34.740 --> 00:06:40.521 because they help me realize Fonda Cox and Eric Dorsa are the same person, 00:06:40.522 --> 00:06:43.720 that a player cannot exist 00:06:43.721 --> 00:06:48.041 if you didn't have a conversation with the characters in his life. 00:06:48.042 --> 00:06:51.860 What Fonda had, I too also had. 00:06:51.861 --> 00:06:57.535 The love and acceptance that I would get being on a stage [were] real. 00:06:57.536 --> 00:07:01.685 I have learned that shame is the bully 00:07:01.686 --> 00:07:06.246 that drags me to my closet and keeps me there with the door held shut. 00:07:06.248 --> 00:07:08.073 In my closet I learned 00:07:08.074 --> 00:07:12.473 to hide my vulnerabilities and my insecurities from the world, 00:07:12.478 --> 00:07:14.699 and in truth, my humanity. 00:07:14.700 --> 00:07:16.621 But by letting go of my costumes, 00:07:16.624 --> 00:07:19.989 I have taken my closet and I've made it my ally. 00:07:19.990 --> 00:07:22.632 Because what do we put in a closet anyway, 00:07:22.633 --> 00:07:26.665 our costumes, our memories, our belongings? 00:07:26.666 --> 00:07:29.883 In a closet they're safe, out of the way, 00:07:29.884 --> 00:07:32.894 and we know where to go when we need to find them. 00:07:32.895 --> 00:07:36.080 I have made my closet my ally. 00:07:36.081 --> 00:07:38.226 In there, I hid the parts of myself 00:07:38.227 --> 00:07:42.194 that I thought the world of the critic would want nothing to do with. 00:07:42.195 --> 00:07:47.212 I still find myself in my closet at times with the door shut, ready to grab 00:07:47.213 --> 00:07:52.815 one of my costumes to put it on in order to face this world of the critic. 00:07:52.816 --> 00:07:56.094 But I tell myself the truth now, 00:07:56.095 --> 00:07:58.966 that the audience on the other side of that door 00:07:58.967 --> 00:08:02.735 is a room full of fans, not critics. 00:08:02.736 --> 00:08:07.931 People who are ready to look at me and celebrate me for the player that I am. 00:08:07.932 --> 00:08:12.656 A world where I don't need a costume in order to fit in. 00:08:12.657 --> 00:08:17.920 A world where I am met with love and curiosity, not fear. 00:08:19.182 --> 00:08:22.956 You see, Fonda Cox is no longer a character that I play in my life. 00:08:22.957 --> 00:08:27.496 She is and continues to be my journey out of the closet. 00:08:27.497 --> 00:08:30.398 She reminds me of the boy that I am 00:08:30.400 --> 00:08:34.241 before I ever heard of gender norms, 00:08:34.251 --> 00:08:39.008 before I ever had to step deep into a gay closet, 00:08:39.009 --> 00:08:43.457 before I ever heard from the world or my family that being me was wrong. 00:08:45.119 --> 00:08:49.062 Fonda Cox is what reminds me 00:08:49.063 --> 00:08:53.090 of the boy that I was who simply wanted to play dress up. 00:08:53.091 --> 00:08:57.663 She reminds me of the boy that wanted his mother to paint his nails too, 00:08:57.664 --> 00:09:00.210 and "what if" stopped at absolutely nothing 00:09:00.211 --> 00:09:04.471 until he got an Easy-Bake oven. 00:09:04.472 --> 00:09:07.493 You see, I have learned that when we live our lives 00:09:07.494 --> 00:09:10.915 in secrecy behind a closet door, 00:09:10.916 --> 00:09:16.001 we separate and fear ourselves from those who closely resemble who it is 00:09:16.002 --> 00:09:19.229 that we are trying to hide from the world. 00:09:19.230 --> 00:09:22.031 We live in a reality of us versus them, 00:09:22.032 --> 00:09:26.124 where we hope people see who it is we're pretending to be, 00:09:26.125 --> 00:09:29.019 instead of who we really are. 00:09:29.020 --> 00:09:32.849 I ask you, how do you play dress up in your life? 00:09:32.850 --> 00:09:37.176 What characters do you find yourself playing? 00:09:37.177 --> 00:09:42.040 The character could not exist if it weren't for the actor 00:09:42.044 --> 00:09:45.527 because this is the you that belongs in your life. 00:09:45.534 --> 00:09:48.533 This is the you that we want to see, 00:09:48.534 --> 00:09:52.898 this is the you that deserves to be loved and celebrated. 00:09:52.899 --> 00:09:56.178 This is the 'you' you were born to play. 00:09:56.179 --> 00:09:57.622 Thank you very much. 00:09:57.623 --> 00:09:59.163 (Applause)