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If Christopher Columbus Discovered America Today

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    Christopher Columbus
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    you have returned.
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    We found land.
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    Asia?
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    A new land.
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    Are we the first to discover it?
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    Yes,
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    but
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    there are natives.
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    What are they like?
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    They are
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    loud.
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    Loud?
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    They look at us,
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    foreigners to them,
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    with suspicion.
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    Why?
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    I think they think we're going to try
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    and take their jobs.
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    Okay.
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    I lost many men
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    to ICE detention centers
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    But still.
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    An opportunity to open up a new trade route.
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    I tried but
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    the tariffs
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    Tariffs?
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    They were too high.
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    I met their leader.
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    Oh, what is he like?
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    The orange man is difficult to predict.
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    Oh
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    You brought them Christianity yes?
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    I did not need to.
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    In many ways, their religious views
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    are even more hardlined than my own.
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    Oh
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    But I did bring back treasures from the new land.
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    Please show me.
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    Baloney.
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    What is it, meat?
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    Yes, but
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    it seems to be from an animal that we
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    do not have here.
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    A mixture of a pig,
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    a cow,
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    and a chicken.
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    Incredible
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    Yes
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    and this
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    What is this?
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    Diabetes.
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    Oh
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    Did you find the sacred tobacco plant?
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    No,
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    but most of the crew
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    got hooked on crack.
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    Okay.
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    I have captured a native
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    for you to meet.
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    Hi,
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    Herb Kowalsski.
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    I'm in real estate.
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    Savages.
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    Yes.
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    Christopher Columbus, you have done well.
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    I will shower you with riches.
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    It is not riches that I seek.
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    No?
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    For in the new land,
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    I have discovered something that I crave more
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    than gold itself.
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    What is it?
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    Cilantro.
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    Isn't that just coriander?
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    I feel
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    stupid.
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    Doomdah
Title:
If Christopher Columbus Discovered America Today
Description:
more » « less
Video Language:
English
Team:
Foil Arms and Hog Official Subtitling Legends
Duration:
02:18

English (Ireland) subtitles

Revisions

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