Mitch Hedberg 1998 Just For Laughs gala

He may not be Canadian

but at least he appreciates us- Mitch Hedberg!

Ah, finally some Canadian television exposure.

I gotta find out when this airs so when I come

into the country I can be ready for the adulation.

I been on the David Letterman Show twice, anyone see me?

Hey, I'll be damned.

I had 4 million people watching that show,

and I don't know where the hell they are...

That's my favorite introduction I've ever had.

"You might have seen this next
comedian on the David Letterman Show."

But I believe more people have
seen me at the store.

And that would be a better introduction.

You might have seen this next
comedian at the store...

and people would say "Hell yes I have!"

I opened up a yogurt and underneath it
said "Please Try Again."

They were having a contest I was unaware of.

But I thought I might have
opened the yogurt wrong.

Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me.

Come on Mitch, don't give up.

Please try again.

A message of inspiration from
your friends at Yoplait.

Fruit on the bottom,

Hope on top.

I used to do drugs.

I still do, but I used to, too.

I like to play Blackjack.

I'm not addicted to gambling, but
I'm addictd to sitting in a semi-circle.

My friend is a Blackjack dealer

and on his forearm he has a
tattoo of an ace and a jack.

You see, I'm a Blackjack player.

On my forearm, I'm gonna get a
tattoo of a 10 and a 2.

And then maybe later a King.

I think Bigfoot is blurry.

That's the problem.

It's not the photographer's fault.

Bigfoot is blurry.

And that's extra scary to me.

Because there's a large, out of focus monster.

Roaming the country side...

One time this guy handed me a picture, he said,

"Here, this is a picture of me when I was younger."

Every picture is of you when
you were younger...

Ain't it about time someone said that?

I think Pringles' initial intention
was to make tennis balls.

But on the day the rubber was
supposed to show up

a big truck load of potatos arrived.

And Pringles said "what the hell... cut em up."

I think a rotisserie is a really morbid

ferris wheel for chickens...

It's a very scary piece of machinery.

We will take the chicken, impale it,

and then rotate it.

And I'll be damned if I'm not hungry.

Because spinning chicken carcasses
make my mouth water.

If you go to the grocery store

and stand in front of the lunch
meat section for too long,

you start getting pissed off at turkeys.

You see like turkey-ham,
turkey-pastrami, turkey-bologna.

Someone needs to tell the turkeys,

"Man, just be yourself."

I already like you little brother.

You do not need to emulate the other animals.

You got your own thing goin'.

I had an apartment in Los Angeles,

and I had a neighbor that whenever
he would knock on my wall,

I knew he wanted me to turn my music down.

That made me angry becaue I like loud music.

So when he'd knock on the wall I'd mess with his head.

I'd say "Go around."

I cannot open the wall.

I don't know if you have a door
knob on the other side...

But over here there's nothing.

I like Kitkats...

Uness I'm with 4 or more people.

When I wear T-shirts,
I can only wear V-necks.

Because my neck is very fragile.

I cannot wear a regular neck shirt.

It hurts.

And I especially hate turtle necks.

Like wearing a turtle neck is like being

strangled by a really weak guy.

All damn day.

Like if you wore a turtle neck and a backpack.

It's like a weak midget
trying to bring you down.

You know when you go to a
restaurant on the weekends,

and it gets busy so they gotta start a waiting list.

They start calling out names.

Dufrain, party of 2.

Table ready for Dufrain, party of 2.

And if noone answers they say the name again.

Dufrain party of 2.

But then if noone answers they
just go right onto the next name.

Bush, party of 3.

Yeah, but what happened to the Dufrains?

Noone seems to care.

Who can eat at a time like this?

People are missing.

You people are selfish.

The Dufrains are in someone's trunk right now,

with duct tape over their mouths.

And they're hungry.

That's a triple whammy.

We need help.

Bush, search party of 3.

You can eat once you find the Dufrains.

Thank you!

Don't go away, we're off to find the Dufrains.