Lewis Black on Broadway talking about how America ISN'T #1

Most important part of travel,

is when you come home.

Because that's when you see

your country with new eyes.

I was amazed to realize that we are,

we are the only country, that tells

the rest of the world on a nearly constant

basis, that were the greatest country on earth.

And that, is a little fucking obnoxious.

And I know it's obnoxious, because if you

were in an office, and there was someone

in there that came in everyday, and said,

"I'M THE GREATEST FUCKER HERE!

AND YOU SNIVELING SHITS WOULD

DIE WITHOUT ME! AH HA HA HA HA!"

I can guarantee by the end of the week,

You'd have killed him. And eaten him.

Just to try to possess his power.

The amazing thing, is that there are

people who have never left this country

who talk about the fact that we're

the greatest country on earth.

How fucking dumb is that?

Because you don't know! If you haven't

left here, you don't know.

There are countries, that may be

giving shit away everyday!

Canada is one of those countries,

you know what they give away?

HEALTH INSURANCE!

And we don't have national health insurance.

And if any country needs it, this one does.

Because this country is more obsessed

about its health, than any other country

on earth. We're completely obsessed
about our health.

We're obsessed so much about our health,

that we worry about it.

And when you worry about your health,

you're going to get sick aren't you?

I flew back from uh, Las Angeles,

and on the plane was a time magazine.

And there was a 30 page
article about diabetes.

And I read every page, and by the time

that plane landed, I had diabetes.

And for all we study about health,

we know nothing.

Is milk good or bad?

*silence from audience*

I rest my case.

You don't know.

You don't know anymore.

and a lot of you were sitting there thinking,

"Fuck I'm and adult, I don't have to

drink that shit anymore!"

When I was a kid you knew milked was good.

Because there was only one kind of milk.

Moo Cow Fuck Milk and that was it.

And you had to drink 4 glasses a day.

Now you don't know.

Because when you go down the isle of

the grocery store, the milk aisle goes

on for fucking ever.

There's 1%, 2%, low fat, skim, acidophilus milk,

what the fuck are you talking about.

Acidophilus milk? Milk doesn't need a friend.

That shit belongs in the yogurt section.

Lactose intolerant milk? Kiss my dick!

If you're lactose intolerant,
you can't drink milk.

So what's in the fucking carton?

Get it out of there! Get it away from my milk!

It is talking to my milk and making it

feel bad about itself.

Captioned by Danyoul