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Brian Regan-Poptarts

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    You gotta get cracking, banana man!
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    You gotta get on a stick.
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    My doctor also told me to uhhh...
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    you know chuckle eat more fruit
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    so I had some PopTarts this morning
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    Nice thin layer in there.
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    You ever look at a PopTarts' box?
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    They have directions on there
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    audience member YEAHHHHH!
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    Can... can there be a simpler food item
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    than PopTarts?
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    Like if directions weren't on
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    there would somebody:
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    "what the...
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    how do I get that
    goodness in me?!"
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    What do you do?
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    How do you get it done?
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    You read man, that's what you do.
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    They have 2 sets of directions
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    in case you don't understand one set,
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    you abandon that whole track,
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    and get on something a little
    easier for yourself.
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    They have a set of toaster directions
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    which, believe it or not,
    is more than one step.
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    How chuckle could there possibly
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    be more than one step?
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    I can only think of one.
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    Step one: Toast the PopTart.
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    Go ahead, toast 'em.
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    Hey, are you still reading this?
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    But they've managed to break them
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    into smaller increments.
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    These are some of the actual steps...
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    I would love to be in the room
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    watching somebody who has to
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    consult these toaster steps.
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    Okay, number one:
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    Remove pastry from pouch.
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    I see where they're going with this!
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    We're banging on all cylinders, now.
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    Number two:
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    Insert pastry...
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    vertically...
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    oh ohh.
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    They're reading toaster directions
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    you're gonna throw the
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    vertical concept at them?
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    Then they have a whole set
    of microwave directions.
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    That just blew me away that you
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    could actually microwave a PopTart.
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    How long does it take to
    toast a PopTart?
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    A minute? If you want 'em dark?
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    People don't have that kind of time.
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    Listen, if you need to zap fry
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    your Poptarts
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    before you head out the door
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    you might wanna loosen up your schedule.
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    And I swear it says:
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    "Microwave on High for 3 seconds"
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    I don't think I want to wake up and
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    eating in 3 seconds.
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    The alarm goes off: ANNKH
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    Put 'em in, DING!
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    Unintelligible noise
    I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE
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    If you're awake and eating
    and hauling in 3 seconds,
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    you're booking yourself too tight
Title:
Brian Regan-Poptarts
Description:
more » « less
Video Language:
English
Duration:
03:44

English subtitles

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