-
[Music - Top Gear Intro]
-
[Jeremy Clarkson]
Tonight, Richard wears a blue hat
-
James wears a different hat
-
And I wear a hat with things on it.
(hammond yelling in background)
-
[Music ends]
-
[Music - Kaer Morhen (The Witcher 3)]
-
[James May]
It all started here.
-
It's the first, and frankly, still the best in the series.
-
[Richard Hammond]
Yeah, I mean, there's a rough edge here and there,
-
but for a first attempt, I think it's pretty crisp--
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[Jeremy Clarkson, interrupting]
beHOLD the genius.
-
[Music - Captain Haunt Boss Phase 2
(Borderlands 3 - Bloody Harvest)]
-
[Hammond]
Yeah, mate, honestly... (laughing)
-
[Clarkson]
Honestly, it's not even a question. It's peak.
-
It's Peak Souls II.
[hammond] eh?
-
[Clarkson - Voiceover]
Whatever.
-
It was time for our first challenge.
-
[Music - Stardust Man Appears (JJBA S3)]
-
[Clarkson - Conversation]
Each of you will beat your game from start to finish.
-
You are allowed to use any weapon, armor, ring, and consumables;
-
kill any boss in any order;
-
level up;
-
and upgrade freely.
-
[May] Hang on, did--
[Hammond] It's not really a challenge..
[May] That's easy.
-
[Clarkson] There's more.
-
You are not allowed to pick up any items.
-
[brief silence to process]
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[Hammond] Uhhhhh.... which ones.
-
[Clarkson] Well, I reckon it's all of them.
-
[May] So that's like starting gear...
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[Hammond] And shop items, I guess?
-
[Clarkson] Minus one point for each item you pick up.
-
And bonus points for style, yes!
-
[Hammond] Right! Yes!
[Clarkson] Flamboyant and fast.
-
[Clarkson] How hard can it be?
-
[Hammond] Don't say that!!!
-
[Music - Chocobo Theme - 60's Surf
Big Band Ver (The 8-Bit Big Band)]
-
[Clarkson] Well like we've got to ask, okay--
-
[Hammond] You've noticed that.
[Clarkson & May] Yeah.
-
[Clarkson] This is...
[Hammond] It's genius.
-
The cleric starts with some miracles,
and especially, a chime
-
which is surprisingly hard to get
if you can't pick things up.
-
And as the only game with an
Ashen Estus Flask,
-
topping off my health
was going to be no issue.
-
[music cuts]
Oh, no!
-
[music resumes]
Not the best start.
-
But healing is like a skill issue.
oh, for god's sakes...
-
Still, we had a solid early weapon,
and a shield to score some style points.
-
I mean, it's gotta be worth
like one pickup, right?
-
After actually losing all my style points,
-
I headed to Firelink shrine
to enact my second master plan.
-
There's a lot of stuff you can pick up
even before entering the High Wall.
-
...Oh, right. Pick up, huh.
-
No Ashen Estus meant that
I was stuck with three flasks.
-
Things weren't looking great.
That's just cruel.
-
Let's say you want an item.
You could pick it up, which we can't.
-
You could buy one, but did you know
there is another? [another way?]
-
Bosses and unique enemies can deposit
items directly into your inventory.
-
Quest is going to be an
important part as well,
-
since we cant just kill NPCs to get items.
-
[Emma]...and raise this banner to proceed.
-
[Vordt roars badly]
Vordt. Not really a challenge right now.
-
Plus zero is as good a start as any.
-
But it all goes downhill from here
if we can't reinforce our gear.
-
[BONK]
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Speaking of upgrades, titanite shards
aren't dropped by crystal lizards,
-
so we need to buy those.
-
For this, we take a quick trip
up to the Old Wolf of Farron bonfire.
-
[music cuts]
..........................................
-
[Music - 疑惑の先に (Persona 5 Tactica)]
Not only was I unable to pick anything up,
-
I was locked out from buying most
shop items as well. Well, its just my luck
-
that I pick the only game where buying
things require you to pick something up.
-
Still, could be worse.
-
[Music stops]
-
(Clarkson, muttering)
maniac.
-
maniac.
-
yobbo.
-
mania-oh well oh hold on i think
there's a chance here--
-
[Music - Tarantula (Nuclear Option)]
A famous man once said:
-
"A man's worth is shown not by the wealth
he possesses, but by the respect he earns."
-
If you think about it, as long as you
don't take any hits, and can deal damage,
-
you can kind of beat the entire game.
I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
-
After making my way to the Firekeeper,
(that's the EMERALD HERALD you swine)
-
I received my one and only estus, as
there was no way to upgrade it any further
-
Oh, for Christ's sake...
-
Now, the next step requires
around 200 souls,
-
which can be obtained like this:
[barehanded parry+riposte]
-
With four Hollows dead,
we can now afford a single firebomb.
-
The plan is to hit the barrels
on the other side.
-
[bomb explodes, nothing happens]
-
Well, ...it could be worse.
-
After blowing a hole in the wall,
[BOOM]
-
our next step is to jump on
top of the railing and over the ladder.
-
This will cause the Pursuer to come down.
Next, we run straight towards the bonfire,
-
being careful not to let our stamina
run out completely,and sit on the bonfire.
-
{PURSUER CHEESE}
-
Now, we have enough souls to afford
a weapon, but do we really need one?
-
The Ring of Blades also increases our
bare hand damage, and that's all we need.
-
Now. I believe in speed. Power.
Power and speed solves many things.
-
[bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk]
-
[more weak and slow bonking]
POWERR! POWER, COME ON--
-
[stomped into the floor] [music cuts]
Speed and power doesn't work.
-
Still, could be worse.
-
[Music - Sprixie Kingdom
(Super Mario 3D World)]
-
(May) It is absolutely necessary
to have a plan on everything.
-
So I've taken the liberty of
researching every route,
-
and items sold by every merchant.
-
Naturally, our first move was to head to
Firelink Shrine, and review our options.
-
[music fanfares]
oh, cock. (hammond and clarkson laugh)
-
Shut up.
-
(Hammond) Because we were working
as a team, we decided to leave him behind.
-
[Music - Raise the Anchor!
(Super Robot Wars V)]
-
(Hammond) We can't buy titanite shards,
and crystal lizards don't drop them.
-
But they do drop something else.
[TWINKLING TITANITE]
-
This wasn't really useful, unless you had
an NPC called Greirat,
-
that can sell both Twinkling Titanites
and Twinkling Titanite weapons.
-
[music cuts as dogs attack]
-
[Music - Memoir #2 (May Roosvelt)]
-
[longing for greirat]
-
[Music - When Trumpets Fade (SNOW06)
(Tiny Tank)]
-
(Clarkson) With my tail between my legs,
I decided to give in to the temptation.
-
I'm sure you've seen this like a millionth
time, but it's an important trick to know.
-
Basically, what you do here is wait
six steps, and then roll to the right,
-
and it's easy as--
[MGS noticed sfx]
-
Oh, for Christ's sake...
-
After defeating the Dragonrider
on our first try, it was time to
-
gather up all the souls, spend a total of
10k quid, and receive the snake ring.
-
Now we have a limited
amount of Titanite Shards,
-
[Music - King of the Shingai (Code Vein)]
so we need to buy
-
the best weapon in the world,
and stick with it.
-
After considering every possible detail,
ranging from moveset to damage,
-
the choice was obvious.
-
This- (May) Is that a hoe?
(Clarkson) -is all you- (laughs)
-
It's an elegant weapon;
fast, and deals strike damage.
-
Everything you could ever want.
A marvel of engineering,
-
and probably the first tool ever used.
-
AND THERE'S THE FINISH LINE!
POWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
-
Sometimes I stagger even myself
with my genius.
-
After a short victory lap, I made my way up to the Lost Bastille.
-
I have enough souls to buy six large shards. That's a +6 club.
-
Still, could be worse.
-
Yes, he's dead. So that's ten points away there. And if you want a job on Top Gear, please write to Top Gear-