-
This…
-
…is one of the most shameful cases
ever to come before this bench!
-
In all my years as a magistrate…!
-
…I have seldom heard
a tale of such heinous iniquity!
-
– Aahh,… Aahh,…
– BE QUIET!
-
This…
-
…parasite…!
-
…can think of no better way
to end an evening's hooliganism…
-
…on the night
of the University Boat Race.
-
– Aahh,…
– Can our seats of learning…
-
…produce barbarians
so lost to decency…
-
…that their highest ambition is to steal
a hard–working police constable's helmet…
-
…and make off with it?
-
I find you…
-
…guilty as charged,…
-
…Bertram,…
-
…Wilberforce,…
-
…Wooster,…
-
…and have no alternative
but to fine you the sum of five pounds!
-
– Aack…
– No buts, Wooster!
-
Aack…
-
Oohh!
-
No ifs!
-
Take him away!
-
– Aack,…
– AWAY, I SAY!
-
We're 'ere, guv!
-
Three bob!
-
Good afternoon, sir!
-
Thank you!
-
– [Doorbell rings]
– Ark,… Hang…
-
[Doorbell rings]
-
Hang…!
-
[Doorbell rings]
-
[Doorbell rings]
-
I was sent by the agency, sir.
-
I was given to understand
that you required a valet.
-
Aahh…
-
Very good, sir!
-
Aak!
-
Mmm…?
-
Huh!
-
A late night,
last night, sir?
-
Aaaghh…
-
If you would drink this, sir.
-
It's a little preparation
of my own invention.
-
Gentlemen have told me they find it
extremely invigorating after a late evening.
-
Hmph!
-
I say!!
-
Amm…
-
I say!!
-
You're engaged!
-
Thank you, sir!
-
My name is Jeeves.
-
I say, Jeeves,
what an extraordinary talent!
-
Thank you, sir!
-
Er,… can one inquire…?
-
– I'm sorry, sir.
– No, no, of course not!
-
I'm not at liberty
to divulge the ingredients, sir.
-
No, no, no, of course!
Secrets of the guild, and all that!
-
– Precisely, sir.
– Uhmm! Hmm!
-
Ha!
-
[Sings along] 47 ginger–headed sailors
coming home across the briny sea…
-
Wha…? Ah…
-
I… I say!
-
I… I say, hello?
-
Hello?
-
I want to get in!
-
You'll have
to come this way, I'm afraid!
-
– We can't shift him!
– Oh!
-
I was hoping
to have a snifter before lunch!
-
Sound idea!
-
Anyone in the bar?
-
Barmy Fotheringay–Phipps!
-
– Is he?
– Oofy Simpson, and Freddie Chalk–Marshall.
– Really?
-
The Wooster twins, of course.
-
What, Eustace and Claude?
-
You know them?
-
Why, they're my cousins!
-
– You must be Bertie Wooster!
– I am!
-
I'm Rainsby!
-
– How d'you do?
– You'd better come in!
-
Well!
-
Novel, eh?
-
It's not right, Mr. Wooster!
-
I'm the one the Committee's going
to blame for this, you know?
-
They can't abide mooses,
the committee can't!
-
Oh, I think it adds
a certain… whats–it!
-
[Sniffs]
-
– Come on, Rogers, do give me a hand, will you?
– Oh!
-
[Loud conversations]
-
Hiya, Bertie!
-
Bertie!
-
Cousin Bertie!
-
Did you meet young Dogface,
in your way in?
-
I met someone called Rainsby,
in the hall, with a moose!
-
– Elk!
– Sorry!
-
– It's a common enough mistake!
– It was a mistake, pinching it!
-
Where did you pinch it from?
-
– I don't know… some Museum place…
– In Kensington.
-
I don't think
I've ever been to Kensington!
-
Hello, Barmy!
-
Yes, you have!
Your mother lives there!
-
Oh!
-
THAT Kensington!
-
So, what d'you want it for?
-
It's for the "Seekers"!
-
And what are the "Seekers"?
-
It's a club, in Oxford!
-
Eustace and I
are rather keen to get in!
-
Rainsby too!
-
But we've to pinch something,
to get elected!
-
Now, touching on that lunch you very decently
were going to volunteer to stand us…
-
Er, can't be done, I'm afraid!
Got to have lunch with our aunt Agatha!
-
Aarghh!
-
Not the nephew crusher?
-
Bertie,…
-
Aunt Agatha,…?
-
It is young men like you who make a person,
with the future of the race at heart,…
-
…despair!
-
Uhh,… Right!
-
Cursed with too much money,…
-
…you do nothing
but waste your time on frivolous pleasures!
-
You are simply
an antisocial animal!
-
A drone!
-
Bertie, you must marry!
-
Ah, ha, ha!
I say, really!
-
Ha!
-
– Aunt Agatha…!
– Will you be quiet?
-
[Dog whines]
-
There, McIntosh!
-
You want someone…
-
…strong…!
-
…self–reliant, and sensible…!
-
– I don't…!
– …to counteract the deficiencies of your own character!
-
And, by great good fortune,
I have found the very girl!
-
Oh?
Who is it?
-
Sir Roderick Glossop's
daughter, Honoria!
-
Ugh! No!
-
– Don't be silly, Bertie!
– [Dog barks]
-
Sit down,
and eat your luncheon!
-
[Dog barks]
-
Oh, she's just
the wife for you!
-
– Oh really, look here…!
– She will mould you!
-
I don't want to be moulded!
I'm not a jelly!
-
Well,…
that is a matter of opinion!
-
Lady Glossop has very kindly invited you
to Ditteredge Hall, for a few days.
-
I told her you would be delighted
to come down this afternoon.
-
Oh, ahh…!
-
What a pity!
I'm so sorry! I've…
-
I've got a dashed important engagement
this afternoon!
-
Nonsense!
-
You will go to Ditteredge Hall
this afternoon!
-
[Sighs]
-
Right!
-
Oh, Jeeves! We'll be going out to Ditteredge
this afternoon! Can you manage that?
-
– Certainly, sir! Will we be travelling by train, sir?
– By train, yes! People of the name of Glossop!
-
– Would that be Sir Roderick Glossop,
the noted nerve specialist, sir?
– That's the one!
-
Very good, sir!
And which suit would you wear, sir?
-
Oh,… Well, this one, I think.
-
Very good, sir.
-
Don't you like
this suit, Jeeves?
-
Oh, yes, sir!
-
Huh!
-
What don't you like
about this suit, Jeeves?
-
It's a very nice suit, sir!
-
But what's wrong with it?
Come on, out with it!
-
Ahem! Well, sir, if I might make the suggestion,
if we are to travel by train,…
-
…perhaps a simple brown Harris tweed,
such as this, might be more appropriate.
-
Don't talk such rot, Jeeves!
-
– Hmph!
– Very good, sir.
-
Perfectly blithering, my dear man!
Huh!
-
Just as you say, sir.
-
Yes, so I say.
-
Yes, sir.
-
Jeeves…!
-
I have to make one thing
crystal clear!
-
Yes, sir?
-
I am NOT one of those fellows
who become absolute slaves to their valets!
-
NO, sir!
-
Very well!
-
As long as we
understand each other…
-
Perfectly, sir!
-
[Whistle for train departure]
-
I say!
-
Oh, steady on!
-
Is that Bingo Little?
-
Me? Yes!
-
That's not Bertie Wooster?
-
It is!
-
– I haven't seen you for ages, Bingo!
– I am living in the country!
-
Really?
Whereabouts in the country?
-
Well, here, as a matter of fact.
-
But why?
You hate the country!
-
Yes, I know! I got a job
tutoring the Glossop kid!
-
But what do you want
to tutor the Glossop kid for?
-
Money, Bertie!
Moolah! Oof! Spondulicks!
-
Ah, well, yes…
-
– Ah, yes; well, the only one in the family
that I know is the girl, Honoria.
– Oh, Bertie!
-
What?
-
I worship her, Bertie! I worship the very ground
she treads on, that tender goddess!
-
– Big girl, sporty?
– Strong and upright and wonderful!
-
Well, yes,…
it's a matter of…
-
Wait a minute!
Have you told her?
-
Not yet!
-
Haven't got the nerve!
-
But we walk together in the gardens most evenings,
and it sometimes seems to me there's a look in her eye!
-
Yes!
I know that look,…
-
Like a sergeant major!
-
Brrr!
-
Is that the kid?
-
Yes…!
-
He's fishing!
-
I'll introduce you, if you like!
-
This is Oswald!
-
Bertie Wooster!
-
Well, well, Oswald!
How are you?
-
All right!
-
– Nice place, this!
– It's all right!
-
– Like fishing, do you?
– It's all right!
-
Why don't you shove him in?
-
In the water?
-
It would wake him up a bit!
-
She'd never forgive me!
She's devoted to the little brute!
-
Great Scot!
I've got it!
-
Listen, Bingo!
Honoria is away, isn't she?
-
She's coming back tomorrow.
She's coming, my love, my own!
-
Yes,… fine,…
Absolutely! But,…
-
…you still want to make
a hit with her, don't you, Bingo?
-
Yes!
-
– Bless you, my child! You can do it!
– How, Bertie, how?
-
It's very simple…
-
Ah, ha, ha, ha!
-
– Ha, ha, ha!
– Ah, ha, ha!
-
Ah, ha!
-
Hmm!
-
It's all in the wrist action, you see?
-
You've got to get the flip forward first,
disengaging the chin strap.
-
That's where Barmy Fotheringay–Phipps
went wrong on New Year's Eve!
-
Is that a person?
-
Oh, Barmy? Hmmm,…
Well, there's some dispute about that, ha, ha!
-
But you see, what he did,
was to pull straight back on the helmet,…
-
…and, er…
the policeman came with it!
-
Oh, but he must have been hurt!
-
Barmy?
No, just a couple of bruises.
-
I think my wife
was referring to the policeman!
-
No, no, no, no, no! No!
I don't believe it, no! They enjoy it!
-
Like foxes!
-
Foxes?
-
How they enjoy being hunted.
-
Oh, yes!
-
Oh, ha, ha, ha!
But foxes are vermin, Mr. Wooster!
-
Nasty, cunning creatures!
Like cats!
-
Lady Glossop and I
dislike cats!
-
We hate them!
-
Nasty, cruel beasts!
-
Now, let me try
to understand this, Mr. Wooster.
-
Policemen, you say,
enjoy having their helmets stolen?
-
Well…! Aahh,… Yes!
-
Yes, I think they… they try and enter
into the spirit of the thing. Don't you think, Bingo?
-
Oh, yes!
Yes, yes!
-
But what is the point of it?
-
Point?
-
Duh,…
Well, it's a…
-
It's tradition, really! It's…
It's part of the rich tapestry of our island story!
-
– It's a…
– Completely stupid!
-
You mustn't be rude, Oswald!
-
No, no, no, no!
No, that's all right, that's all right!
-
He's young!
-
He'll learn!
-
– What sort of a day is it, Jeeves?
– Extremely clement, sir!
-
– With the promise of further fine weather to come!
– Excellent!
-
Just the sort of day for pushing
cheeky young blighters off bridges, I should think!
-
I couldn't say, sir!
-
Should I lay out our gray flannel trousers
and the checked sports coat for this morning, sir?
-
Awn…
Yes! Yes, yes!
-
I expect you're wondering what I meant
by that last remark, eh, Jeeves?
-
I should be
most interested to know, sir!
-
Yeah, well, right!
Well,…!
-
I've had
a rather stunning idea, Jeeves!
-
Indeed, sir?
-
You see,…
-
My friend, Bingo Little, is…
-
…well, more than a little smitten
with the daughter of the house!
-
– Miss Honoria Glossop, sir?
– As you say, Jeeves, Miss Honoria Glossop!
-
How do you know
about Honoria Glossop?
-
Ahem! There was some discussion
in the servants' hall last evening, sir!
-
I'm given to understand…
-
…she's a healthy young lady, sir!
-
Yes…! Well,… that's a…
Mm-hmm, that's a very good way of putting it, Jeeves!
-
Thank you, sir!
And… Mr. Little is enamoured of her, sir?
-
Indeed he is!
-
Trouble is, the poor sap
can't bring himself to pop the question!
-
A common enough predicament, sir!
-
Well, possibly, Jeeves, possibly!
Anyway!
-
Your employer,…
-
…fired, I must confess, by the fact
that my aunt Agatha has me earmarked for Honoria,…
-
…unless I can
lay her off onto someone else,…
-
…has come up with a novel
and foolproof solution to the problem!
-
This is very gratifying news, sir!
-
Yes! Well, we thought so,
Bingo and I, yes!
-
What it is, is this: …
-
…Miss Glossop's
young brother, Oswald,…
-
…is by way of being
the apple of his sister's eye.
-
Human nature
is very mysterious, sir!
-
Yeah, well…
My thoughts precisely, Jeeves!
-
Anyway, my plan is…
-
…to lure Honoria
to the vicinity of the bridge,…
-
…and then, surreptitiously,
push the little blighter into the lake!
-
Mr. Little will thereupon pop out
from behind the bulrushes, where he's been waiting,…
-
…rescue Oswald,…
-
…and have professions of undying love
showered upon him by a grateful sister!
-
Hmm! Ahem!
-
What's the matter, Jeeves?
-
I couldn't advise it, sir!
-
Couldn't advise it?
-
What do you mean,
you couldn't advise it?
-
It's just my opinion, sir,…
-
…but, er,… your plan
has too many imponderables!
-
No! No!
Only Oswald is gonna be imponderable!
-
Heh, heh, heh!
-
In…
-
…pond…
-
…erable!
-
Thank you, sir!
Yes!
-
Mmm! Hmmm!
-
If I might say so, sir,…
-
…any undertaking that requires the presence
of four people in one place, at the same time,…
-
…while two of them
are unaware of the fact,…
-
…is fraught
with the possibility of mishaps, sir!
-
Oh, bull to that, Jeeves!
-
Not to say, flapdoodle!
-
Very good, sir!
-
No, I'm sorry, Jeeves, but…
-
…when you've been a little longer in my employ,
you will come to understand that…
-
…all my chums rely heavily
on your employer's…
-
…wisdom and knowledge of human nature
in the conduct of their affairs.
-
Just as you say, sir!
-
Not to mention my…
-
…organizational powers,
and… just plain…
-
…thingness!
-
Will that be all, sir?
-
Yes, that'll be all, thank you!
Just, er…!
-
No, that'll be all…
thank you,… Jeeves!
-
Very good, sir!
-
Good morning, Mr. Wooster!
-
– Oh, good morning, Lady Glossop!
– Do sit down!
-
– Oh, huh!
– Aahh,… I, uh,… was looking for Oswald.
-
Oswald?
Aahh, yes, he's…
-
…probably getting ready
to go fishing, I should think!
-
– At least I hope so! Ha, ha!
– You hope so?
-
– Ahh,… Yes, well… You know,
fishing is a good healthy pursuit for a young lad!
– Ah!
-
Character building, too!
Fighting against the mighty forces of Mother Nature!
-
Ha!
-
Yes! Oofy Prosser once asked Boko Fittleworth
down to his place, for some fly fishing!
-
Poor Boko, couldn't fathom why anyone
would want to catch flies! Ah, ha, ha, ha!
-
Ha! Still, that's Boko for you!
-
– Do you always breakfast at this hour, Mr. Wooster?
– Oh, good Lord, no! No, no, no!
-
Only if I get up early!
-
Sir Roderick was
on his way to London at 8 o'clock!
-
Really?
-
He had an urgent call
from the Bishop of Hackney!
-
Ah! The old Bish
got a few pages stuck together, did he? Ha!
-
My husband is not
in the book trade, Mr. Wooster!
-
He's a well–known
nerve specialist!
-
Yes!
That's what I said!
-
And some dashed interesting work
it must be too!
-
Erm,…?
-
Do you…?
-
…work, Mr. Wooster?
-
What, work?
-
As in honest toil, you mean?
-
Yes!
-
Hewing the wood, and drawing
the old wet stuff, and so forth…?
-
Quite!
-
Well,… I've known
a few people who worked!
-
Ah,… Absolutely swear by it,
some of them!
-
But…
-
Boko Fittleworth
almost had a job once!
-
Who is this Boko Fittleworth
you keep talking about?
-
Oh, Boko?
-
You don't know Boko?
-
Noo!
-
Good Lord!
I thought everybody knew Boko!
-
I do not!
-
Looks like a parrot,
with the moult! See?
-
Noo!
-
Once put his shirt on Silly Billy to win the Cesarewitch,
and Lady of Spain beat him by a nose!
-
I have never met
Boko Fittleworth!
-
No…? Well… I couldn't recommend it
wholeheartedly, anyway! He's an acquired taste, Boko!
-
At least, that's
what his mother says! Ha, ha, ha!
-
Ahh…! You were telling me
how he once got a job!
-
Oh, yes! Well, ah,…
Boko's got an uncle in the City, you see,…
brokes stocks, or something like that.
-
And he offered Boko this job,
and Boko accepted it!
-
I don't think either of them could've been
firing on all cylinders – to be honest – at the time.
-
Anyway, ah!
-
Chaos obviously ensued,
until Boko saw sense, and gave it all up!
-
Then we had to take turns to go round
and sit with him, until he'd calmed down!
-
How would you…?
-
…ever support a wife,
Mr. Wooster?
-
Well…! It depends
on whose wife it was!
-
I would've said a…
-
…a gentle pressure beneath the left elbow,
when crossing a busy street, normally fills the bill!
-
Heh!
-
Bertie!
-
Bingo!
-
She telephoned!
-
She phoned you, eh?
-
Well, that's good, isn't it?
Shows the friendly spirit!
-
Well,… She didn't phone me exactly.
And I picked the phone up because I was standing beside it!
-
What did she say?
-
She said:
"Let me talk to someone with a brain!"
-
Ah!
-
But it was friendly!
The way she said it!
-
– [Oswald sniggers – Bingo hits him]
– OOUCH!!
– Go and start your Latin!
-
Did she say
what time she'd be back?
-
In about an hour, she said.
-
And when was that?
-
'bout an hour ago!
-
She's bringing a friend.
Daphne Braithwaite, or something, her name is.
-
Uh–huh!
Very well, then!
-
Twelve o'clock!
-
Uh?
-
Twelve o'clock!
The bridge! Oswald!
-
Oh! Right! Yes!
-
We're still on to that,
aren't we?
-
Absolutely!
-
You still want to bring Honoria
to her knees, don't you?
-
– Oh, Bertie, she's a wonderful person!
She has a…!
– Yes! Fine!
-
– So: 12 o'clock, you be hidden
in the bulrushes, by the bridge!
– Oh, Bertie, you really think that…?
– I'll see you later!
-
Oh, leave the bags!
Birkett will get them!
-
– [Sounds the car horn]
– Birkett!
-
Come inside!
-
I want to show you
some of the things I shot last week!
-
Hello, Honoria!
-
– Who's that?
– Bertie Wooster! What's he doing here?
-
What are you doing here, Bertie?
-
Oh, you know…
This and that,… hither and yon…
-
This is my friend,
Daphne Braithwaite!
-
How do you do?
-
– Huh! Bertie is a wastrel!
– Oh…! Goodie!
– At least, that's what his aunt Agatha says.
-
Come on, Daphne!
-
– See you later, Bertie!
– Oh, will I?
-
Yes!
-
Yes, ah,…
See you later, Daphne!
-
Oh, I say…! Erm…!
-
– Honoria!
– What?
-
– Umm… Will you come for a walk with me?
– What?
-
You know…
A walk…
-
Birkett,… the bags!
-
What for?
-
Aahh…
-
I want to tell you something!
-
– Really? Now?
– No…! No… Aahh…
-
In about… half an hour.
-
Right!
-
No, no, no!
That's when…
-
Aahh… That's when…
That's when!
-
Ah,…
In about 20 minutes, by the bridge.
-
Why in 20 minutes?
-
It'll be better then!
-
Hello, Mummy!
I'm back!
-
[Kiss]
-
– Did you have a nice time at the Braithwaites, dear?
– Lovely, yes!
-
I've brought Daphne
back with me!
-
Close the door a minute, Honoria.
-
Come and sit down!
-
I have been talking
to Mr. Wooster.
-
Yes! I saw him!
-
What's he doing here?
-
Mrs. Gregson sent him.
-
What on earth for?
-
He doesn't shoot…!
-
He doesn't hunt!
-
It is your birthday
next week, Honoria!
-
I hope she didn't send him down
as a present!
-
– [Laughs]
– You will be 24!
-
Oh, no!
-
It is a good family, Honoria!
-
Oh, honestly, Mummy!
He doesn't work, even!
-
He told me this morning,…
-
…he has been thinking about work.
-
He is not all your father and I
would have hoped for for you, I agree,…
-
…surely you could
make something of him!
-
Is he…?
-
…keen at all?
-
Oh, ha!
I'm sure he is!
-
Ha, ha! Aahh! You know how these young men
try to hide their feelings! Ha, ha!
-
Keep still, you ass!
She'll see you!
-
[Nasal sounds]
-
Don't sniff!
-
Right!
Here she comes!
-
[Nasal sounds]
-
Ah!
-
Well?
-
Yes,… Ahem! I was just thinking!
–[Incredulously] What?
-
Yes. This may sound a bit rummy,
and all that, but there is someone here…
-
…who is frightfully…
-
…in love with you…!
and…
-
…and so forth.
-
Aah,… a friend of mine,
as a matter of fact!
-
Well, why doesn't HE say so?
-
Oof…
simply hasn't got the nerve!
-
Aahh,… Worships the ground you tread on,
and all that, but just can't…
-
…work up a ginger
to tell you!
-
– This is very interesting!
– Is it?
-
– Hmm!
– Ah, well!
-
Anyway, that's the posish!
-
– Erm,… So, just bear it in mind, eh?
– Oh, Bertie, how funny you are!I
-
– [Laughs]
– I wish you wouldn't make all that row!
-
You're scaring the fish away!
-
Oswald, you shouldn't
sit on the bridge like that!
-
Pshaw!
-
He might easily fall in!
-
Might he?
-
– Oh, well, I'll, uh… I'll go and tell him!
– Huh!
-
Hello!
-
Fishing, eh?
-
Hey, watch out!
-
Aaaahhh!
-
– Oswald!
– Oohh! Help!
-
Help him!
-
Help!
-
What are you doing?
-
Help!
-
Oswald!
-
Osw…!
-
Oswald!
-
Where…?
-
Yes! Go! Yes!
-
????
-
Yes, I…!
-
Oswald!
-
Oswald!
-
Are you alright?
-
He pushed me!
-
He's mad!
-
Well, now you run along,
and change your clothes!
-
Honoria! I…
-
[Laughs]
Oh, Bertie, you are funny!
-
First proposing to me
in that extraordinary roundabout way,…
-
…and then pushing
poor little Oswald into the lake,…
-
…so as to impress me
by saving him!
-
– No, no, no!
– Now, you run straight up into the house,…
-
…and change your wet clothes,
before you catch your death of cold!
-
– No, no, no!
– Move on!
-
Oh, Bertie!
-
Bertie!
-
Just the man
I wanted to see!
-
– Bertie, a wonderful thing has happened!
– You blighter! What became of you?
-
– Your realise that…
– Your clothes are all wet!
-
Bertie, I was just on my way
to hide in those rushes,…
-
…when the most
extraordinary thing happened!
-
Walking across the lawn, I saw the most radiant,
the most beautiful girl in the world!
-
We started to talk.
-
Her name is Daphne Braithwaite, Bertie.
Our eyes met,…
-
…and I knew at once that what I had imagined
to be my love for Honoria Glossop,
was a mere passing whim!
-
Daphne is a wonderful, Bertie!
Like a tender goddess!
-
She's so sympathetic, Bertie!
-
Daphne!
-
And her handicap
is only six!
-
It's funny how these things turn out,
don't you think, Jeeves?
-
Indeed, sir!
-
Hmm! Before we were trying to help Bingo with Honoria, Jeeves,
And there he is,…
-
…falling in love
with this blessed six–handicapper!
-
Still, at least it means
he's been saved from the frightful Honoria!
-
True, sir!
But if I might say so, sir,…
-
…at a cost to yourself which might have caused
other, lesser men, to blench!
-
Oh, come, Jeeves!
-
A slight dousing is no more
than a chap might do for another under the circs!
-
Ahem! It's not the dousing
to which I was referring, sir,…
-
…but to the engagement!
-
Engagement?
-
Ahem! Downstairs, a few minutes ago, sir,
I could not help but overhear Miss Glossop…
-
…announcing your engagement…
to her.
-
Poo…
-
Is it getting chilly
in here, Jeeves?
-
No, sir.
-
Uh!
-
Must be…
-
…my imagination.
-
[Bubbles]
-
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
-
Bertie was so sweet, Mrs. Gregson!
And so funny!
-
I find it difficult to envisage!
-
I shall be able to make
something of him, I'm sure!
-
– Well, he has led a completely wasted life
up to the present!
– Tchuh!
-
– I say…!
– Oh, be quiet, Bertie!
-
But there's a lot of good in him!
-
Ah, no, there isn't, actually!
-
It simply wants bringing out!
-
It's time I took you in hand,
Bertie–Wertie!
-
– You want someone to look after you!
– No, I don't!
– Ha, ha, ha, ha!
– Really, I don't! Ha, ha!
-
Yes, you do!
-
[Kiss]
-
Bye–bye, Bertie!
-
– Goodbye, Mrs. Gregson!
– Goodbye!
-
– Bertie,…
– Yes, Aunt Agatha? Ahem!
-
Dear Honoria doesn't know it,
but a little difficulty has arisen about your marriage!
-
– By Jove, really?
– Oh, it's nothing at all, of course!
It's only a little exasperating.
-
But the fact is, the Glossops
are being a little troublesome.
-
Sir Roderick,
particularly so!
-
Ah! Thinks I'm not a good bet, eh?
-
– Wants to scratch the fixture?
Well, it's a shame! But perhaps he's right…
– Pray don't be so absurd, Bertie!
-
It's nothing as serious as that!
-
Bertie, a nerve specialist,
with his extensive practice, can…
-
…hardly help
taking a rather warped view of humanity!
-
You mean…?
-
– …he thinks I've got fewer marbles than advertised?
– Oh, no, no, no!
-
Well, he…
-
…just wants to satisfy himself,
that you are…
-
…completely normal!
-
Whoa! What a blessed nerve!
-
– I mean, I… I'm not a chap to take offence…!
– So, I have said…
-
…that you will give them
dinner this evening!
-
– Whoa! He thinks I'm a raving loony…!
– Now, don't be silly, Bertie!
-
And remember: …
-
…the Glossops
drink no wine!
-
Yes, Aunt Agatha,
I remember!
-
And remember: …
-
…Sir Roderick can eat only the simplest of foods,
owing to an impaired digestion.
-
Yes, I should think that…
-
…a biscuit and a glass of water
would about meet the case!
-
Bertie!
-
That is precisely the sort of idiotic remark
that would be calculated…
-
…to arouse
Sir Roderick's strongest suspicions!
-
He is a very serious–minded man!
-
The Duke of Ramfurline's house, Bennet.
-
You're not Bertie!
-
He's better looking
than Bertie!
-
– It's very kind of you to say so, sir!
– We're his cousins!
-
I'm Claude Wooster.
-
I'm Eustace Wooster!
-
I'm not his cousin.
I'm Rainsby.
-
I'm delighted to meet you,
Lord Rainsby.
-
Won't you
come in, please?
-
– What's your name?
– Jeeves, sir.
-
I'm Mr. Wooster's
new valet.
-
The last one
used to pinch his socks!
-
Ahem!
-
Mr. Wooster is not in at the moment, sir, but I'm sure
he would like me to offer you some refreshment.
– That's jolly decent of him, Jeeves!
-
– He has some Bollinger '27 which is particularly fine.
– Heh, heh! Be a shame to let it go off!
– [Laughs]
-
Jeeves!
-
Yes, sir?
-
We've got some things down in the taxi,
which we want to take back to Oxford tonight.
-
But the last train
is not till 10:10!
-
Say…
-
Are we invited to dinner?
-
I regret not, sir!
-
Anyway!
-
We were going to ask cousin Bertie
if we could leave some things here, until the train.
-
I'm sorry, sir, I should have to ask
Mr. Wooster's permission first.
-
What manner of things
might they be, sir?
-
– A top hat!
– A fish!
– And a couple of cats, of course!
-
Cats, sir?
-
Perhaps Mr. Wooster
would not object!
-
Ah! Much obliged, Jeeves!
-
Dogface, go and get the stuff,
and bring it up!
-
Right!
-
Where is Bertie, anyway?
-
He had an important meeting
with Mr. Fotheringay–Phipps, sir!
-
Barmy Fotheringay–Phipps?
-
I believe
that is the soubriquet, sir, yes!
-
Has the IQ
of a backward clam?
-
It's my understanding
that amongst fellow members of the Drones' Club…
-
…he is considered
something of a dangerous intellectual, sir!
-
That's the one!
-
Mr. Wooster informed me…
-
…that he is attending the weekly meeting
of the Drones' Club Fine Arts Committee.
-
No!
-
Seven!
-
Four!
-
What does a King count as?
-
Ten!
-
What does a 10 count as, then?
-
Ten!
-
Ten, and all picture cards,
count as ten!
-
How long have you been
playing this game, Barmy?
-
About an hour and a quarter!
-
Anyhow, that's a leaner!
Leaners only count half!
-
– Oh!
– Oh! Good shot, Bertie!
-
Oh! My game, I think!
-
You've not scored
a hundred yet, have you?
-
500!
-
Oh, well!
-
I thought
we were playing to a hundred!
-
Let's have
another drink at the bar!
-
Erm… Can't be done, I'm afraid, Boko!
Have got people coming to dinner! Toodle–pip!
-
– Huh! Bye!
– Bye, Bertie!
-
What do sevens count as?
-
This is a story about
Minnie the Moocher!
-
She was a low–down
hoochie–coocher!
-
She was the roughest, toughest frail!
But Minnie had a heart as big as a whale!
-
Hoo-dee hoo-dee hoo-dee hoo!
Hoo-dee hoo-dee hoo-dee hoo!
-
Rah dee-rah dee-rah!
Rah dee-rah dee-rah!
-
Hee-dee hee-dee hee-dee hee!
Hee-dee hee-dee hee!
-
But Minnie had a heart
as big as a whale!
-
Ah,… You know,…
I can't help feeling, Jeeves, that…
-
…I could do better justice to this song
if I understood what the words meant!
-
Oh, I doubt that, sir!
-
I mean, all this "ho-dee ho-dee ho"
stuff is pretty clear,…
-
…but what do you suppose
a "hoocher–coocher" is, exactly ?
-
It's difficult to say, sir!
-
Unless it's in connection with one of
the demotic American words for "ardent spirits"!
-
I'm thinking of "hooch",
a word of Eskimo origin, I'm informed.
-
Tchuh!
-
You bally well
are informed, Jeeves!
-
D'you know everything?
-
I really don't know, sir.
-
Hmm!
-
Erm,… Hmm!
-
She had a dream
about the King of Sweden.
-
He gave her things
that she was needin'.
-
Now, you see?
Now, that is clever, Jeeves!
-
Really, sir?
-
That line about the King of Sweden,
and things she was needin'!
-
Yes, His Majesty, King Gustav, does seem to have been
extraordinarily generous to the young lady, sir!
-
No, no, no! No, no! No! I meant, erm…
I meant the fact that it rhymes!
-
You see?
Sweden… needin'…
-
Almost, sir!
-
Hmm!
-
He gave her a home
built of gold and steel,…
-
…a platinum car with diamond–studded wheels.
Hoo-dee hoo-dee hoo-dee hoo! Hmmph!
-
I say, Jeeves,… Could…?
Could you lend a hand here, d'you think?
-
– Very good, sir!
– It's just that it's a bit difficult…
you know, being just the one of me!
-
It's a sort of
"call and response" thing!
-
I sing "ho-dee ho-dee ho",…
-
…and you have to go
'ho-dee ho-dee ho" back!
-
D'you understand?
-
– I think so, sir.
– Right! Let's try it! Aah,…
-
– Ho-dee ho-dee ho-dee ho!
– Ho-dee ho-dee ho, sir!
-
– Rah dee-rah dee-rah!
– Rah dee-rah dee-rah, sir!
-
– Hee-dee hee-dee hee!
– Hee-dee hee-dee hee, sir!
-
Yes, amm!
-
I don't mean to be
overly critical, Jeeves! Erm,…
-
I mean, I know
you're doing your best!
-
Thank you, sir!
-
I just think that perhaps we could dispense
with the "sir" at the end of every line!
-
Really, you know,… it shows the proper
feudal spirit, and all that, but I'm afraid it does…
-
…play merry hell
with the rhythm of the thing!
-
Very good, sir!
-
All right! Ahem!
-
Ho-dee ho-dee ho-dee ho!
-
Ho-dee ho-dee ho-dee ho!
-
Hee-dee hee-dee hee!
-
Hee-dee hee-dee hee!
-
But Minnie had a heart
as big as a whale!
-
Well, now, Jeeves!
-
D'you think I ought to sing Minnie the Moocher
to the Glossops, this evening?
-
I shouldn't think it
advisable, sir!
-
I've not heard
that Sir Roderick is musical!
-
Ah, no!
But lady Glossop is!
-
There is also that
to be considered, sir!
-
Well, and what are you
giving us for dinner tonight?
-
Consommé, sir,…
a cutlet,… and a savoury!
-
And some
lemon squash, iced!
-
Well!
Don't see how that can harm them!
-
Just don't get carried away with the excitement
of the thing, and start bringing in coffee!
-
Very good, sir!
-
– [Doorbell rings]
– Right!
-
Stand by, Jeeves!
-
Ha!
Thinks I'm barmy, does he?
-
We'll show him,
eh, Jeeves?
-
Indubitably, sir!
-
Just don't let your eyes go glassy,
or you'll find yourself in a padded cell,
before you know where you are!
-
What-ho, what-ho, what-ho!
-
Good evening,
Mr. Wooster!
-
Good evening, Jeeves!
-
G'd evening,
Lady Glossop!
-
We're a little late,
I'm afraid!
-
Sir Roderick was detained
at the Duke of Rumferline's.
-
Rumferline?
-
Yes! He, aahh,…
He's off his rocker, isn't he?
-
There's nothing seriously wrong
with His Grace!
-
It's merely unfortunate that his footman
failed to give him his sugar this morning!
-
Sugar?
-
He likes
a lump of sugar first thing.
-
His Grace is under the impression
that he is a canary.
-
Oh, well!
-
A mistake anyone might make!
Heh!
-
And as he
didn't get his sugar,…
-
…he flew
into a temper,…
-
…and tried to perch
on the picture rail!
-
Oh, well,…
it's not unreasonable!
-
I rather feel like doing that in the mornings,
when I don't get my tea! Ha!
-
– Er,… right! So, shall we go to the dining room?
– Ah, heh!
– Good!
– Right!
-
Aahh,…? Now,…
if I sit in the middle,…
-
…aah,… Lady Glossop,
would you like to sit on my right?
-
And Sir Roderick
on my left?
-
Hahh…!
-
Uh,… Is that right?
-
No, wait a minute…!
-
No, perhaps…
Lady Glossop ought to sit in the middle!
-
Um…
-
Well,…
-
She's the only lady! Um…
We can sit to either side!
-
Should we try that? Yes!
Lady Glossop… in the middle…
-
Aah… yes! I'll have you… If you would like to go
on the other side, Sir Roderick, and I'll…
-
…sit here!
-
No, wait a minute,
that's not quite alright, is it?
-
No, Sir Roderick
ought to sit in the middle!
-
Ah, well,… he's the only knight, ha, ha!
Distinguished gent, and all that…!
-
Yes, Sir Roderick here in the middle!
Never mind, we're getting there, we're getting there!
-
Sir Roderick here…
Ah, yes, if I can just squeeze past…
-
Heh, heh!
-
Uhh,…
-
No,… hold on! Hold on!
We can't have a husband and wife sitting together!
-
Uh,… no, that's right!
I'll sit in the middle,…
-
Ah, yes! Sir Roderick on that side,
and Lady Glossop on this side, if you don't mind…
-
There we go!
Ha, ha, ha!
-
Hold on, we're back
where we started now!
-
– Uhh…
– MR. WOOSTER!
-
Hello…?
-
LET US – SIT – DOWN!
-
Oh, right, yes! Ha!
Good idea! Yes… Ahem!
-
– Aahh…!
– Tch! I'm worn out!
-
Ha, ha, ha, ha! Heh!
-
– Ah,… Lemon squash, anyone?
– No, thank you!
– No? Sir Roderick?
– Thank you!
-
Ah!
-
I say, Jeeves!
That soup doesn't look at all bad, does it?
-
Thank you, sir!
-
So, Sir Roderick,…?
-
This Rumferline fellow, does he get dressed up
in yellow feathers, and all that?
-
– Well, I have been…
– I know I would, if I thought I was a canary! Heh!
-
Pretty Polly!
-
Ha, ha!
-
No, seriously, I mean,… I am jolly interested
in people who get the jim–jams, because,…
-
– …well, some of my best friends…
– Meouw!
-
Hush, now!
-
Meouw!
-
Do you keep
a cat, Mr. Wooster?
-
A cat? No!
-
I had the distinct impression
I heard a cat, mewing,…!
-
Either in this room,
or very close at hand!
-
Oh, no, well… Probably a taxi,
or something in the street!
-
A taxi, Mr. Wooster?
-
Yes, well…
Taxis squawk a bit, don't they?
-
– Squawk?
– Yes, well… Like cats, in a way!
-
Aahh,…
-
Lady Glossop and I
have a particular horror of cats!
-
Ah, well! There you go, then!
I don't much like taxis! Heh, heh, heh, heh!
-
Er,… Mmm… my husband
had an unfortunate experience…
-
– …with a taxi, only this afternoon!
– Indeed I did!
-
– I was about to be driven
to the Duke of Rumferline's house…
– Or cage, as I expect he likes to call it!
-
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
-
Hem!
-
Anyway,… I was sitting innocently in my car,
when my hat was snatched from my head!
-
As I looked back,…
-
…I perceived it being waved, in a kind of feverish triumph,
from the interior of a taxicab!
-
Huh!
-
What an extraordinary thing!
-
Must be some sort
of practical joke, I suppose!
-
I confess I failed to detect
anything akin to comedy in the outrage!
-
The action was without question,
that of a mentally unbalanced subject!
-
– Meouw!
– [Sir Roderick drops tableware]
-
Mr. Wooster!
-
What is the meaning of this?
-
Eh?
-
There is a cat
close at hand!
-
It is NOT in the street!
-
Look, I have not got a cat,
I tell you!
-
Alright, I'm going
to get Jeeves in here!
-
[Rings the table bell]
-
Meouw! Meouw!
-
There!
-
I can't bear it!
-
I simply
can't bear it!
-
No, look!
It must be Jeeves!
-
Jeeves?
-
You called, sir?
-
Ah,… Ww… were you
making a noise like a cat?
-
No, sir!
-
Will that be all, sir?
-
No, it will jolly well
not be all, Jeeves!
-
Are there
any cats in the flat?
-
Only the three
in your bedroom, sir.
-
Aaagghh!
-
What d'you mean,
only the three in my bedroom?
-
Erm,… the black one, sir, the tabby,
and the small lemon coloured animal.
-
No, no, no!
Look, I have not got a cat!
-
I have never had a cat!
I had a dog once! Called Melbourne!
-
He used to sit so close to the fire!
No, no, don't go away!
-
– Ooohh!
– No, no!
-
Ooohh!
-
It's all right, my dear!
-
– Now, look!
– Stand back, sir! Stand back! I'm armed!
-
Ahem! I fancy, sir,
that the animals might have become…
-
…somewhat exhilarated, as a result
of discovering the fish in Mr. Wooster's bedroom!
-
Fish? In his bedroom?
-
– Fish?
– Be brave, Delia!
-
My coat, sir!
-
Now, look, I'll prove it to you!
I'll prove that there are no cats in my bedroom!
-
[Stampede of mewing cats]
[Screams of horror]
-
– Your hat, Sir Roderick.
– Yes, I didn't have a hat!
-
This is the hat
that you snatched from my head!
-
He dit it, Roderick!
-
He stole your hat!
-
– [Lady Glossop weeps]
– Back slowly towards the door, dear!
-
Don't make any sudden move,
or anything that might excite him!
-
– [Lady Glossop weeps]
– Oh, look here!
– Back, sir! Back, you devil! Back, I say!
-
I'll see
if I can recover our umbrella, sir.
-
[Doorbell rings]
-
I say,… those weren't my cats I saw,
legging it down the stairs, were they?
-
And what
were they doing in my bedroom?
-
Your man, what's–his–name,
said it would be all right!
-
Oh, he did, did he?
-
I was just coming
to collect them!
-
Well…!
They've dashed well gone!
-
Oh, well,…
-
Can't be helped,
I suppose!
-
What was it for?
Was it that club of you, the Searchers…?
-
– Seekers, yes!
– Uh–huh!
-
I'll take the hat
and the fish, anyway!
-
I'm afraid the cats
have eaten the fish!
-
They wouldn't
eat a hat, though?
-
No, the chap you pinched it from
was dining here tonight! He took it away with him!
-
Tch!
-
No cats,…
no fish,… no hat!
-
Well…!
Sorry, but there you are!
-
Ahem!
-
Well,…
Thank you! Heh!
-
– Goodbye…!
– Goodbye!
-
Ahh,…
-
I say,
I hate to ask you…
-
You couldn't lend me
a tenner, could you?
-
A tenner, what for?
-
The fact is,
I've got to pop round, and…
-
…bail Claude and Eustace out.
They've been arrested!
-
Arrested?
-
They got a bit above themselves,
I'm afraid.
-
Tried to pinch a bus!
-
And they expect ME
to provide 10 pounds to bail them out?
-
They did, rather, yes!
-
Pfff! You do realize that the people
who were dining here tonight…
-
…were my prospective in–laws?
-
No, I didn't, actually!
Congratulations!
-
Well, because of you,…
-
…they've now gone away from here
believing me to be a certifiable lunatic!
-
And determined
that I shall never…!
-
…marry…
-
…their daughter!
-
Ohh!
-
Frightfully sorry!
-
Tell you what…!
-
Why don't we make it 20 pounds?
-
You can bail them out, and buy them a drink
before you pour them onto the train!
-
I say, er…!
-
– That's jolly decent of you…
– No, no, don't say a word!
– Yeah!
-
No, really!
-
– I insist!
– Thank you!
-
[Sighs]
-
This was all
of your doing, wasn't it, Jeeves?
-
Sir?
-
You worked out the whole thing, didn't you?
With the Glossops!
-
Well,… Ahem!
If you'll pardon the liberty, sir,…
-
…I doubt if the young lady
would've been entirely suitable for you!
-
Hoo!
-
And what a wheeze, you knowing all about
the Glossops' horror of moggies!
-
I must say, Jeeves!
You're a bit of a marvel!
-
Very good of you
to say so, sir!
-
Will that be all, sir?
-
Ah, yes,…!
Thank you, Jeeves, yes!
-
Breakfast at the usual hour, sir?
-
Yes, thank you, Jeeves!
-
Good night!
-
Good night, sir!
