ShamWow Guy in Jail

Hey, pssp,

Hey man, come over here, man.

WHAT YOU GOT!

Ok, right off the bat, no big deal.

Playing cards.

Boom.

Okay, made in Germany,

You know the Germans always make good stuff, alright.

Hey! Hold on a minute!

Wait! Lets talk cigarettes, okay?

Other things, you try and light 'em on fire, nothings gonna happen.

Boom. You can't light that on fire.

This, it's a cell phone its not gonna light,

You take a cigarette, you put it in your mouth, here you go.

You light it on fire and you get a buzz.

Ok, women, you want women, you dont have 'em,

I'll tell you what you do,

You get yourself one of these.

Here you go: hooters,

cooters,

tutors,

and computers.

Computers?

Ok check this out, you're gonna love this,

What are you in here for?

I hired a hooker, she bit my tongue off,

I beat the shit out of her.

Okay, guys, you want to get out of here?

Of course you do.

Okay, you've tried everything,

A spoon;

not on my watch.

A file;

not happening.

A rock hammer;

in your dreams.

Okay, what you need to do is get back to the classics,

Okay, a cake with a saw inside of it.

Alirght, here you go.

Boom.

Bing bang bam, river dam dam

A hooker tried to bite your tongue off?

Ok, Lets talk drugs;

PCP,

cocaine,

heroin.

Okay, now guys we're gonna do some real time

so pay attention to me right here.

First you get this,

you get the needle there, put it in your big vein,

Now I just jam it in.

I dont pay attention to it... okay...

Now... my blood feels like a bubble bath and

you guys look like you're made out of cotton candy.

And this guy's a hippo.

Camera guy, you gettin' this?

Oy aye, ?Que tu habla?

Who you talking to?

Lets talk knives,

now say you're in the shower,

and Mitch here tries to rape you, okay?

What are you gonna do with this plastic knife?

Alright, bendy, bendy.

Stop having a boring knife.

Stop having a boring life.

What you gotta do is,

you gotta have one of these, okay,

one flick, you're in business.

Okay,

check this out.

One stab;

flesh wound.

Okay, two stabs;

dead okay,

Add an egg, slice of ham, a pickle.

Three stabs;

breakfast,

I'm kidding

Order in the next 20 minutes,

I'm gonna throw in this grater, okay.

It's a cheese grater.

It's also a zip gun.

Buy fast, you know I can't do this all day

I just killed two guys and I'm gonna get the electric chair.

Thanks CollegeHumor.com.