We’re Never Getting the Epstein Files, Are We?

Trump battles Bruce Springsteen.

Why are Republicans divided 
over Trump’s big beautiful bill?

And the FBI says Epstein killed himself. And 
who doesn’t trust the FBI?That and more on this  

week’s America Uncovered headlines.Welcome 
to America Uncovered. I’m Chris Chappell. 

(shuffle papers)
Last week, I talked about how…

California Governor and opponent of 
buttoning the top button Gavin Newsom… 

called on cities in California 
to ban homeless encampments.

Many criticized him, calling this move backwards, 
saying it could dehumanize the homeless.

And, unfortunately, it turns out those critics 
have already been proven correct. Because one  

business owner has resorted to the most 
cruel means imaginable to remove them:

Blasting “Baby Shark” on repeat through 
a speaker pointed at an encampment.

“Baby Shark, do do do do do do”
“They played “Baby Shark” all night long.”

Are you happy, Newsom? This is on your 
conscience. This song is the worst  

thing to be stuck in someone’s head besides 
Newsom’s daily pound and a half of hair gel.

(shuffle papers)
Speaking of controversial music,

Donald Trump went on a Truth Social 
tirade against Beyonce for allegedly  

being paid millions of dollars to endorse Kamala 
Harris during the 2024 presidential election.

He also attacked Bruce Springsteen, 
asking what he got paid to perform  

at one of Harris’ campaign events. Trump 
said he’d call for a major investigation,  

saying this could be considered 
illegal campaign contributions. 

Although, considering how badly Harris lost 
the election, it ultimately didn’t matter,  

as when it came to campaigning for 
president, she clearly wasn’t born to run.

Trump and Springsteen have been engaged 
in a war of words since Springsteen  

criticized Trump and his administration 
onstage while performing internationally.

“A majority of our elected representatives 
have failed to protect the American people  

from the abuses of an unfit 
president and a rogue government.”

To be fair, he could have 
just stopped after saying,  

“A majority of our elected representatives have 
failed to protect the American people,” and he  

would have gotten overwhelming support 
from all sorts of American citizens.

But now, instead, he’s facing 
backlash from the right,  

threatening The Boss’ status as the 
most beloved resident of New Jersey…

Outside of Chris Christie, America 
Uncovered’s officially endorsed  

candidate for the next American 
Pope. Do Popes have understudies?

(shuffle papers)
Speaking of the Pope,

Vice President JD Vance hand 
delivered Pope Leo XIV an  

invitation from President Trump to visit the US.

Vance — along with Secretary of State Marco 
Rubio and a US delegation — were in the Vatican  

earlier this week ahead of diplomatic efforts 
to gain a ceasefire in the Ukraine-Russia war.

Now, I assume you assume I’m going to make 
a joke about Vance being at the Vatican in  

an attempt to kill his second Pope, but I’m 
not. Because that’s not what’s happening here.

You can clearly see it in this footage. This  

invitation was given to the 
Pope by an imposter Vance,

since we all know *this* is his 
true form. Be careful, Pope,  

this unholy creature yearns 
for another holy victim.

(shuffle papers)
Speaking of places  

filled with unholy creatures: Walmart.

Walmart announced that while it would try 
to keep its prices as low as possible,

it would have to raise some 
due to Trump’s tariffs.

Trump took this announcement into consideration, 
announcing he would reflect upon it in one of his  

daily transcendental meditation sessions 
where he aligns his body and spirit and- 

Just kidding.

Trump said Walmart made billions of 
dollars last year — far more than  

they expected — and that they should 
eat the tariffs and not raise prices.

Home Depot, meanwhile, announced they 
wouldn’t raise prices due to the tariffs,  

seemingly a dig at Walmart.

And if you need to do some digging of your own,

you know where to go to get…

an affordable shovel.

Just head to aisle 933. 

I think I may have missed my 
calling as a marketing exec.

But surely a company as powerful as Walmart 
won’t be bullied into- What’s that, Shelley?

US Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent says that  

Walmart will in fact “eat some of 
the tariffs” after Trump’s demand…

And that CEO Doug McMillon told 
him this in a personal call.

Although a spokesperson for Walmart said the 
company wouldn’t comment on this phone call.

This situation is a bit confusing. Mostly 
because a Republican president is telling a  

gigantic corporation not to raise prices and 
hurt less economically advantaged consumers.

I can’t tell if this is Trump 
trying to do what’s right,  

trying to cover for his mistakes, both, 
or just his way of auditioning to join

Bernie Sanders and AOC on the 
Fighting Oligarchy Tour. As  

long as Bruce Springsteen doesn’t show up.

(shuffle papers)
Besides potentially  

fighting oligarchy, Trump is also looking 
to fight potential threats to the US,

And, to that end, has unveiled plans 
for what he’s calling The Golden  

Dome — a missile defense system that 
could intercept missiles from space.

Trump says it would cost $175 billion dollars 
and be operational within three years.

It’s similar in concept to Israel’s 
Iron Dome – only Trumpier – which  

can shoot down anything fired at Israel…

Except, of course, criticism from its allies.

Trump’s Golden Dome idea has 
received sharp criticism…

From China, with Beijing saying this 
could turn space into a warzone.

Yeah! How dare the US defend themselves. They 
should just let China conquer not only the world,  

but the whole universe. And China wants 
that because in space… no one can hear 

The people you’re ethnically cleansing scream.

(shuffle papers)
And after the break,  

another day, another California 
story that’ll make you facepalm.

Welcome back.

(shuffle papers)
It’s time for another edition of

Really, California? Really?

The Olympics are coming to Los Angeles in 2028.

Residents of LA are already dreading this,  

as it’s going to make the already 
terrible traffic even…more terrible-er.

But to help, LA28 — the committee in charge 
of planning the events — has partnered with  

Archer Aviation to hopefully 
provide air taxis that would  

offer transportation from one Olympic 
venue to another throughout the city.

I say “hopefully” because air taxis were 
supposed to debut at the 2024 Olympics in  

Paris, but they weren’t certified by 
Europe's air safety agency in time.

Personally, I think this is disgusting.

Not because of environmental 
reasons or because it’s catering  

to the wealthy while the ever-worsening 
homeless problem is… ever-worsening-er.

No, I’m disgusted that they’re not 
calling this aerial taxi service an

Air Lyft. It was *right* there!

(shuffle papers)
Slovenian police are  

investigating the disappearance of a bronze statue  

of First Lady Melania Trump that was 
sawed off and taken from her hometown.

With this statue gone, that leaves 
only two of her horcruxes left:

Fake Melania,

and that giant hat she wore at 
the inauguration that made her  

look like she was trying to murder Roger Rabbit,

Which is reportedly on Fake Melania. Probably 
shouldn’t keep two horcruxes in one location.

(shuffle papers)
Speaking of things that are big and  

beautiful: Trump’s spending and border security 
package, known as One Big, Beautiful Bill.

Not to be mistaken with the 6’2” 
Bill Pullman, who’s another big,  

beautiful Bill. And, like Trump, was once a 
president that fought against invading aliens.

Last weekend, the House Budget Committee advanced  

the latest version of the bill to 
the House with a vote of 17-16.

And yes, members of Congress actually 
worked over the weekend. But don’t worry,  

just because they put in some extra 
work doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll  

break Congress’ streak of accomplishing nothing.

Because the bill had several sticking 
points for many Republicans. 

Speaker of the House Mike Johnson met 
with Republicans on the committee and  

made some — as for now — publicly 
undisclosed changes. However,  

four Republicans in the committee 
weren’t satisfied and voted “present.”

One of the sticking points is that they feel 
it doesn’t do enough to cut the deficit.

Another is cuts and work requirements 
added to Medicaid. Many Republicans  

wanted these to be implemented 
sooner to help curb spending.

After some last minute changes to the over 
1,000 page bill, the House passed it. It  

will now be sent to the Senate, where Senate 
Republicans say they will make even more changes.

So it’s not guaranteed to pass 
there by any stretch. Like I said,  

Congress’ streak of accomplishing 
nothing might be secure.

While many are worried about what’s in the bill,  

many people are also excited about the prospect 
of no longer paying taxes on tips and overtime.

So this bill has everyone mad, sad, 
and excited at the same time. It’s  

like Cats all over again. Although, 
considering the bill’s simultaneously  

in a state of being passed and not 
being passed, I guess it’s more 

like Schrödinger’s Cats.

(shuffle papers)
Speaking of things that  

are controversial and people want to know the 
details of what’s in them: the Epstein files.

Back in February, Attorney General Pam Bondi 
demanded the full Epstein files from the FBI.

The FBI reportedly asked agents to prioritize 
the documents and to limit redactions.

And Bondi said what she received was 
pretty sick, and they’d be released soon.

“I think tomorrow, Jesse — breaking news 
right now — you’re gonna see some Epstein  

information being released.” 

And it was! Though people who had been 
starving for this for years weren’t satiated,  

since they were served a big 
plate full of nothing burgers.

Right-wing influencers were invited to 
the White House and were given binders  

described as “Epstein Files: 
Phase 1.” They didn’t know  

they would receive these… and reportedly 
neither did senior White House officials.

This would be like Biden finally declassifying 
everything the government knew about aliens  

but only sharing it with Mr. Beast. 
What would President Pullman think?

Worse yet, there was little new info in them.  

Bondi said precautions needed to 
be made to protect the victims.

That was several months ago now. And, so far,  

here’s all we’ve seen from 
the Epstein Files: Phase 2:

Yeah, this is the most overhyped and disappointing 
phase since Marvel’s multiverse saga.

Frustration over these delays are bipartisan,  

with demands for Bondi to release 
the promised files coming from…

both Democrat…
and Republican lawmakers. 

But this week, we finally — 
finally! — got some new information!

When FBI Deputy Director Dan Bongino and Director  

Kash Patel say they concluded that 
Epstein… *did*?... kill himself?

“You know a suicide when you see 
one, and that’s what that was.” 

“He killed himself. You, again, you want me 
to get- I’ve seen the whole file. He killed  

himself.”

Well, if anyone would know 
anything about seeing things,  

it’s certainly Kash “Hasn’t Blinked 
Since Three Jokers Ago” Patel

So while Patel says he’s seen it, it’s looking 
less and less likely as the weeks and months  

drag on with no release that we’ll ever 
see the full, unredacted Epstein files.

I would never advocate torture. But clearly,  

something needs to be done to aggressively 
motivate them to uphold their promise.  

Which is why I think that until the Epstein 
files are released, the FBI offices should

blast “Baby Shark” on repeat. Do, do, 
do, do, do, do the right thing, fellas.

(shuffle papers)
And before you go,  

be sure to check out this other episode of 
America Uncovered recommended by the algorithm.  

One day the robots will enslave us, 
but now they’re just making friendly  

suggestions. So let’s appreciate 
this delicate peace while it lasts.

And as always, support America 
Uncovered and screw YouTube,  

by subscribing to our new 
website Americauncovered.tv.

Once again, I’m Chris Chappell. Thank 
you for watching America Uncovered.