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Live from the star filled international ballroom of the Beverly Hilton Hotel
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Welcome to the 68th annual Golden Globe awards
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and now, your host for the evening, ladies and gentlemen, Ricky Gervais
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thankyou
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Hello and, hello! Welcome to the 68th Golden Globe awards live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles
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It's gonna be a night of partying and heavy drinking
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Or as Charlie Sheen calls it, breakfast
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Wow, woo, so lets get this straight. What he did was:
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He picked up a "porn star", paid her to have dinner with him
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introduced her to his ex-wife, as you do!
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Went to a hotel, got drunk, got naked, trashed the place, while she was locked in a cupboard, and er
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that was a Monday! What, what did he do new years eve!?
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Anyway welcome, the Golden Globes is a celebration of the best in TV and movies over the last year
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voted for by the Hollywood foreign press association
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it was a big year for 3D movies, Toy story, Despicable me, Tron
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it seems like everything this year was three dimensional, except the characters in The Tourist
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I feel bad about that joke! No, I'll tell you why, I'm jumping on the bandwagon,
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because I haven't even seen The Tourist
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who has? But, no, it must be good, because it's nominated, so shut up! OK?
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And I'd like to quash this ridiculous rumour going around, that the only reason The Tourist was nominated,
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was so the Holliwood foriegn press could hang out with Jonny Depp and Angelina Jolie
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that is, that is rubbish, that is not the only reason, they also accepted bribes! Lets
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no, all that happened, was some of them were taken to see Cher in concert.
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How the hell is that a bribe!? Really? Do you wanna go and see Cher? No!
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Why not? Cos it's not 1975!
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There were alot of big films that didn't get nominated this year
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Nothing for Sex in the City 2
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No, I was sure the Golden Globe for special effects would go to the team that airbrushed that poster. What?
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Great job
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Girls we know how old you are, I saw one of you in an episode of Bananza!
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(audio is cut, but appears to be the expletive: For &%#@'s sake)
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Also not nominated, I love you Philip Morris
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Jim Carey and Ewan McGreggor, 2 hetrosexual actors, pretending to be gay
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So the complete opposite of some famous scientologist then! What? What?
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Probably! My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke
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They're not here. OK
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There's been some great new TV drama this year, like Boardwalk empire, and The Walking Dead
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Talking of The Walking Dead, congratulations to Hugh Heffner
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Who err, who is getting married at the age of 84, to 24 year old beauty Crystal Harris
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When she was asked why she was marrying him, she said cos he lied about his age
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he told me he was 94, ohh come on!
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Don't worry, hold out and just don't look at it when you touch it
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I warned them!
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One of the biggest events of TV this year was the finale of Lost, one of my favorites
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and all the questions were answered, yeah
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I have to say though, it was quite a complicated finale
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I'm not sure I totally understood it all. But from what I can make out, I'm pretty sure
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the fat one ate them all
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Shall we get on with it?
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Our first presenter is beautiful, talented, and Jewish, apparently!
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Mel Gibson told me that he's obsessed!
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Please welcome Scarlett Johansen
