How do you approach a Singh? Kaurs United Camp - Q&A #9

Here's bit of a double-edged question,
I am not sure which way it flows.

How do we go up to a Gur Sikh Singh?

Who we feel could be a great help
on our path towards our GURU.

I am not sure if this question is :

How do you approach this guy for marriage
or just to ask him for some advice?

So, I will try to answer both.

I don't want another person to feel
like they have to stand up right now.

Let's say, someone's going to help you
because you got a sawal jawab, right?

Then in a public area,
go and approach them.

In a Gurudwara or somewhere,
where everybody can see you

and there's no worries there.

Just go up to them and bula Fateh
and say "I had a question for you."

Just be straight, don't feel
sharminda or ashamed.

I've had people approach me here and
say "Can I speak to you for 2 minutes?"

I said "Sure."

I tend to do it out there, so people
know I'm talking to that person.

That person obviously asks me
a question, so no one can say.

If you feel awkward, like just a
single girl going up to a single guy.

If he's single as well and people might
ask questions, go with a friend of yours.

Tell your friend, if you can trust someone
then go as two people and go and ask.

May be that will stop any fingers
being pointed at you, right.

Otherwise, nowadays we have
WhatsApp and all that kind of stuff.

You can text them or Facebook
them, that is right as well.

But make sure if you're only asking for
advice and the guy happens to be single,

make sure you draw that distinction so
that guy doesn't get the wrong signal.

You don't want to confuse the issue.

Especially, if you are asking
for advice from somebody.

This is for most Pracharaks
who have this problem.

I am lucky that I started Prachar
when I was already married.

But there is this thing that women
think that he's in Chardi Kala,

So he could be a good match
and so you need to make a line.

Are you going to ask for an
advice or a marriage proposal?

Make sure you have that
thing clear in your head.

When it's for a Rishta, then definitely
try and use somebody in between.

If you go and ask on your
own if that guy is single ?

That guy will be embarrassed
of being put on the spot.

In Punjabi environment we always
give someone a way out.

You give them a way out so that
they don't get embarrassed.

If you go to them directly
then they could be fussy.

They could either say yes or no,

and that can be embarrasing
on both sides.

They might say the wrong
thing just to keep you away.

Therefore use a Vichola (intermediary)

to find out if that person is free.

But then don't be sitting in your late
20's and you haven't ever decided

to make an approach on some
body you do like, who is also single.

Have a bit of courage, these things
are important.

Marriage is also important,
It's part of life.

We don't need to be so quay about
this.

Just sitting there and everybody
seems to be getting married.

If your family is not into Sikhi and
if you can't find someone Vichola

Then do Ardaas in front
of Guru Granth Sahib Ji

But you don't want to
leave it too late, right?

It's not good to just to leave
it, leave it and leave it.

And you think, you wait for your
parents to do something.

If they delay and they can't
be bothered, then get a friend

or someone to make the approach for you.

[Music]