The Best Self Defense Videos (w/ @kurtisconner ) - Danny Gonzalez & Kurtis Conner

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check out kurt's channel @kurtisconner

edited by
Edited by:
Max Boonch https://www.instagram.com/max_boonch/?hl=en
& @jakeshotfriend

[Mr. Beast on phone screen]
I recreated every single set

(typing sounds)
from Squid Game--

Kurtis?

Hello.

Hey.

You're probably wondering

why I've called you here, aren't you?

Uh...

you said you wanted to make a video.

Well...

Well, yeah.

But that's only HALF the reason
that I called you here.

(OHHHHHH sound effect)

That's right.

The other half is that...

Honestly, Kurtis, I'm worried about you.

[Danny] I don't know
if you've seen lately,

but it's getting pretty
dangerous out there.

[Danny] The world is a dangerous place.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

(plane whirring sounds)
Yeah, a plane just flew into that building.

[Kurtis] Oh my god! (laughing)

Right on cue...

Did you do that?

(laughing)

Exhibit A!

No!!

(explosion)

Look.

Crime rates.

Going up, through the roof.

Murder.

Death?

Did you know every person dies now?

[Danny] Point is, Kurtis,

there's people out there

who are trying to hurt you.

[Danny] They're trying
to kill you, Kurtis.

Me?

Yes, you specifically.

What'd I do?

[Danny] You're just, um...

How do I say this...

Has anyone ever told you that you're

an easy target before?

(Kurtis typing sounds)

Huh?

See, yeah, that's exactly
what I'm talking about, Kurtis.

[Danny] The headphones,

the texting,

[Danny] The hands in your pockets?

If I started attacking you right now,

you wouldn't even be
able to defend yourself, man.

[Danny] Your hands are all...

[Danny] Busy!

Not to mention you're
not even wearing shoes.

[Danny] Good luck running away.

I was being polite!

There's nothing polite
about getting murdered, Kurtis.

Attack me. See what happens.

(futuristic buzzing, whirring)

(pop)

(Kurtis screams as Danny
makes primal noises)

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Exactly.

Like I said.

How?!

It's not all bad, alright?

I have found a Youtube account

that specializes in self-defense advice

just for people like you.

For...

easy targets.

'Kay. So-- I--

you're gonna teach me how to not be an--

such an easy target.

Not only that, Kurtis,

I'm gonna teach you
how to defend yourself

from everyday life situations

that we all encounter.

Like, um...

Like another plane crash you just did?

Like another--!

(explosion)

Getting mugged, getting stabbed,

you're getting out of your car

and some guy runs up behind you

and just starts punching
you in the back of the head.

Yeah.

This happens to you all the time.

Yes, yes.

All of those happened this morning.

but today,
(badass music)

we're gonna fight back.

(bone-crunching sound, sad music)

That hurt?

(crying baby noise)

[Danny] That? Come on, that couldn't...

You could not have
just hurt yourself like that.

Why'd you do that to me?

YOU did that!

How'd you-- how could you?

We were friends, man!

This is worse than I thought.

I'm a lost cause.

Let's get...

(cool guitar music)

into the video!

(spinning sound effect)

So this is the self defense guy
we're gonna be watching.

His name is "Selfdefensegoat."

Damn.

No one's ever hurt him.

(Kurtis laughs)

He has a lot of enemies, I guess, though.

Yeah, that's true.
- Kurtis: He's trying.

I think he's just an idiot,

putting himself in really
dangerous situations all the time.

Well, let's see what happens if... uh...

this guy pulls a yellow gun on you.

Give me your money.

[Selfdefensegoat] Yo, man.

Yo, take it.

(laughs) "Yo, man. Yo."

"Yo, man, yo."

Someone pulls a gun on you:

"YOOOOOOO."
(Kurtis giggles)

[Selfdefensegoat] Take it, take it.

Here, here.

I got nothing else, I got no
phone, I got nothing.

I got family, man.

You gave him everything, and he's still
got that gun pointed at you.

See, that line makes it sound like

they know each other?

And they've been
like, friends for so long.

(melancholy piano)
Helped him move,

helped him get through a tough breakup--

You've given him
everything you've got, man.

And he still wants to
shoot you in the head.

When he was at his lowest, you were there.

If I was his family, I'd be pretty
upset, cause he was like,

"I got nothing.

I got FAMILY.
(Danny laughs)

But that's it."

That's crazy.

Also the way he says,
"Take it, take it, take it,"

it sounds like HE'S mugging HIM now.

Pulls a gun, "TAKE IT! TAKE ALL OF IT!"

Okay! Okay!

Who's doing the mugging here?

Your goal is to get as close
to the weapon as possible.

Ideally, he's even pointing at
your head trying to scare you.

(Danny laughs)
Sorry???

Ideally, he's pointing a gun at your head?

Maybe it's easier to grab
it when it's, you know.

As far away from your hands as possible.
[Kurtis laughs]

Like up here.

Is he gonna like, bite it?

Yeah, that's what he's about to do.

(aggressive biting sounds)

(both laugh)

Maybe it's because
getting mugged is so scary

that he just wants to
be put out of his misery

as quickly as possible.

(laughing) Yeah, I want this
to be done immediately.

Ideally, you're facing the other way
looking out at a beautiful sunset

and he's got the gun pressed right up
against the back of your--

Taking one final breath.

So I'm gonna turn out of the way,

two hands on the weapon right away,

pull it into your chest,

rip it off--
- Kurtis: You shoot yourself!

(laughing)

Take the power out of his hands.

Get outta the way...

Back, and pull it into your chest,

he said RIP it off--

He rips off his hand.

(laughter)

Aaaagh!

His tutorial is like, how to stop a mugger

is just talk to a cam--
an imaginary cameraman and be like,

"Now this is what, what happens
if you're mugging someone."

Cause I feel like that would
kind of mess with their head.

Yeah, wait, pretend to be
mugging me right now?

Okay.

Give me your fucking money right now!

I gave him everything.

Pwoofsh!

(laughter)

Smash, smash, tap,
rack, and go if need be.

Yeah, so, I mean that's pretty
much just the classic

smash smash tap grab.

Smash smash tap grab

and go if need be.

I guess that's his, like, Youtube
ad-friendly way of saying,

"Then shoot him in the head."
- Kurtis: Heh, yeah.

"And if need be,

GO."

(laughter)

What're you in jail for?

I goed.

I went.

(giggles)

This one is gonna be
really important for you,

because this is how NOT
to be an easy target, okay?

Ohh.

You got your no shoes on,

you had your headphones on,

hands in pockets,

but you're about to see just
how dangerous that is.

Okay, wow.

(rapid-fire high-pitched squeaking noises)

(guffaws)

Dude, he stabbed him in the ass!

What was that sound?

(laughs) I don't know!

I think it was the guy screaming.

(laughing)

(Kurtis makes high-pitched "ee ee" sounds)
(both laughing)

Wouldn't it be crazy if
that was the whole video?

(laughing)

[Selfdefensegoat] Look at Mr. Karate Kid.

It's a pretty sweet hoodie, though.

Look how easy he's gonna be
to murder and take his phone.

Sunglasses on, huge headphones,

hoodie I could just rip him down with,

oh, you're mine, buddy.

Okay, well...

he didn't even do it, though.

(Danny laughing)
- Kurtis: He just talk--

he was imagining it.

"Oh, you're mine, buddy."
- Kurtis: He's already gone.

"You're dead. Hoho.

I'm gonna enjoy this one."

Alright, (inaudible).

"Oh, yeah.

Wait, where'd he go?"
(laughs)

(Kurtis) It's already--

It's nighttime all of a sudden!

He's saying that out loud?

It must be in his head.

Okay.

Now let's find out how
to NOT be an easy target.

[Selfdefensegoat] Oh, look at Denim Dan.

This guy's gonna be an easy target.

Well, maybe not.

(Kurtis laughs)

He's gotta kinda this death stare.

He's walking pretty confident.

So the caption says "desk stair"

but I think he's saying "death stare."

"Desk there."

Oh.

(laughing) He's got kind of a desk there

Got like a desk strapped.
(laughing)

I feel like that would be--
- Danny: He's gaming.

(laughing)

I guess it's a pretty hard target,

you got a big desk in the way.

Yeah.

Clearly cracked at Fortnite.

[Selfdefensegoat] Got his death stare,

he's walking pretty confident--

Yeah, he also says he's
walking pretty confidently,

as this guy is like,

(ominous, nervous music)

(Kurtis, laughing) Yeah, he's so scared.

How are you supposed to, like--

other people walking
down the street like--

(happy, fanciful music)

This guy's easy to fucking kill.

[Selfdefensegoat] He's only
got one earbud in,

jacket versus hoodie.

That's my favorite Mr. Beast video.

Jacket versus hoodie.

(Kurtis laughs)

[Selfdefensegoat] It's
your lucky day, Denim Dan.

It's your lucky day.

Wait, he--
- Danny: Wait!

[Selfdefensegoat] It's
your lucky day, Denim Dan.

It's your lucky day.

Okay, well that actually
does make him seem more crazy.

I'd be so terrified if I was walking
by someone who was like,

"This guy would be easy to
kill and steal his phone."

"Wait.

Maybe not.
(Kurtis giggles)

He's got a confident walk."

(Kurtis giggles)

You could be Denim Dan if you wanted to.

Yeah, I guess I should've
been wearing denim

for this video.

Yeah.

Jean jacket.

Jean hat.

Jean hat.

Gene Wilder.
- Kurtis: Jesus--

Gene Wilder's here.

(punch and kick sound)

Hang on a second, guys.

Because I've got a self-
defense technique of my own.

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and now let's get back into it.

Now this is an instant
that people actually do encounter

somewhat often, is road rage.

Yeah, people get that a lot from me.

So what kinda stuff do you do?

Do you sorta like tailgating people...

Yeah, uh, I have, usually...

probably four, six cartons,

full cartons of eggs in
my car at all times.

Oh, you just throw eggs?

And I just kinda throw them, yeah.

Egg people on the highway?

I just egg people on the highway.

I egg-- I egg them on.