The invisible force - self-image - enables you to achieve great goals | Dan Lok | TEDxStanleyPark

Have you ever wondered why some people achieve their goals consistently while others fail consistently? Dan Lok wondered this same thing and began a relentless search to find the answer. What he discovered was an invisible force that stops people from achieving their goals. He also discovered a simple way of overcoming this roadblock and enabling people to achieve their goals.

Dan Lok is a multimillionaire entrepreneur, an international best-selling author, and a highly sought-after business mentor. Dan spends much of his time managing his companies and investments.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organised by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

I'm going to explain an idea

that every child should learn
before they go to school,

yet most people go through their lives
never really understanding it.

I'm going to explain an idea

that will help you learn
and understand and apply

every single piece of information,
knowledge, and insight

that you'll get from all the fantastic
speakers that you've been listening to

for the rest of today or any other day.

An idea that will take what you learn
to a whole new level.

I'm going to explain an idea
that is so transformative yet so simple,

that has the power
to completely transform your life.

By a show of hands,

how many of you know someone in your life
that is in great shape, that's very fit,

yet doesn't even try
to stay in shape at all?

Put up your hand
if you know those people.

Don't you just hate those people?

(Laughter)

And how many of you
know someone in your life that -

maybe a couple that's been together
two, three, five, ten years, twenty years,

but they still have that spark,
they still have that connection,

and they're still very much in love.

Put up your hand
if you know a couple like that.

And on the other hand,

how many of you know couples

that have been together
just a couple of years,

yet they want to strangle each other?

(Laughter)

Put up your hand
if you know someone like that.

Nice - I see a couple of ladies
elbowing their spouse.

That's very nice.

And this isn't even my idea,

and it's not a new idea,

but it's something
that I've become aware of.

Dr Maxwell Maltz, around 1960,

said it was the greatest
psychological discovery of his generation.

And that's the concept of self-image.

You see, you and I,
we have an image of ourselves.

It's how we see ourselves.

When you look in the mirror,

there's a reflection
coming back from the mirror.

That's the reflection
of your physical being.

But that's not how you see you.

Instead, you see you in your mind.

You see you in your mind.

If you're wondering,

well, then what kind
of self-image do you have?

It's very simple:

all you have to do is look
at the various aspects of your life.

Take a look at the results you're getting:

possibly your relationships,

your body,

your income,

the position you hold at work,

the business you operate in,

your personal appearance.

All these things

are the results of the outer expressions
of your inner self-image.

Now, so why great ideas
alone are not enough?

Why great ideas alone
are not enough to change our lives?

You see, one of the great mistakes
that most people make

is they're tending to change their body,

they are tending to change
their relationship,

they are tending to change
their income, their finance.

They're tending to change
something outside of themselves

in searching for something
that's inside, within themselves.

Some people see themselves
as conservative and safe.

Are they going to do anything crazy?

Are they going to go
bungee jumping or skydiving?

No.

Unless you're drunk
or something like that.

(Laughter)

So you're not going to do anything crazy
or act nuts unless you're drunk.

Now, you might say it's the alcohol.

But, really, it's just you finally
getting permission to be yourself -

the alcohol is just an excuse.

If you are playful, if you're fun,
if you're outrageous,

you're going to talk differently,
you're going to move differently,

you're going to dress differently.

(Laughter)

Maybe in a red suit.

(Laughter)

And you're going to do things differently.

And there's no right or wrong,

but most of us have trapped ourselves
in an old self-image

and never really update who we are today.

So then when you go and learn a new skill,

when you go learn
a new ability, a new idea,

but we're stuck in this self-image -

'This is who I am' -

and that's why we never surpass it.

Let me give you a metaphor -
this will make sense for you.

Let's say, in this room, that we set
the thermostat at 70 degrees.

Let's say that 70 degrees is a metaphor -

it's a what?

(Audience) Metaphor! -

for your comfort zone,

which is also known as your self-image.

Your comfort zone.

And most people
have goals that are larger;

they are more than their self-image.

And that's why most people
don't get to their goals

unless they alter and/or expand
their self-image.

So 70 degrees is your comfort zone.

70 degrees -

it's your body.

Not your goal,

not where you want to be eventually,

but what you're comfortable with.

70 degrees is the amount of love
and passion and connection you have

in your personal, intimate relationship.

Again, not your goal,

but, you know,
what you live with regularly.

70 degrees is the amount of money
that you need to make to be comfortable.

Not your goal -
what you're comfortable with.

Let's say the temperature
drops to 65 degrees.

Now, what happens is your brain goes,

'Hey, hey, hey!

I'm a 70 degree-er, not a 65.'

(Laughter)

The heater's kicked on.

You feel there's a drive and this urge,
and you want to do something about it.

By a show of hands,

how many of you ever
experienced part of your life -

maybe your body, your income,
or your relationship -

where it dropped
and you felt it's not good enough,

and you felt this incredible drive
to do something about it? Yeah?

Put it way up and say, 'Oh yeah!'

(Audience) Oh yeah!

And from there, and you try something
and it doesn't work,

and you try something else
and it doesn't work,

and you try something else
and it doesn't work.

Now, after a while,
nobody wants to be a disappointment.

No one wants to feel
like a failure in their lives.

So what some people do is...

they lower the thermostats.

They lower their expectations.

They make their goals smaller,

more 'realistic',

more 'reasonable'.

'Don't get your hopes up,
or you'll be disappointed.'

'Well, you know, maybe...

maybe I'm not a 70-degree-er.

Maybe I'm a 65-degree-er.

Look at those 70-degree people.

So arrogant!

(Laughter)

So full of themselves!

They're probably workaholics anyway.

I'm being smart.

I'm cutting back; I'm downsizing.

I don't want to burn myself out.

I want to have more balance in my life.'

Now, before you know it, they're at 62,

then they're at 58.

Now, by the way, when they're at 58,

do they hang around with 70-degree people?

(Shouting) No!

They hang around with 50-degree people

so they feel better about themselves

on a regular basis.

Why do you think people watch reality TV?

(Laughter)

(Applause)

'You know what?

I thought my life is a mess,
but look at these people on TV!'

Instantly, you feel better about yourself!

Now, but you're at TEDx.

Obviously, you're not like that.

You're an overachiever, yes?

You're an overachiever.

So when it's supposed to be
at 70 degrees, you're at 65,

what do you do?

You do something about it, yes?

You don't settle!

You try it.

You try something else; it doesn't work.

You try something else; it doesn't work.

You don't settle!

You don't give up, and you don't give in!

If you hit a wall, you go around it,
you go over it, you go under it.

(Shouting) Whatever it takes, you do it!

(Audience) Yeah!

And, and...

and do you stop at 70 degrees?

No!

You keep going

until you hit 80, 85, 90,

91, 92, 93, 99 degrees,

and your brain goes,

'Hey, hey, hey!

What do you think you're doing up here?

(Laughter)

You're not a 90 degree-er.

Who do you think you are?

Get back to where you were!'

And suddenly you realise
you're outside of your comfort zone.

And then the heater stops,
and you lose your drive.

And you begin to self-sabotage yourself.

And you stop doing

what got you there in the first place,

and you start doing some dumb things,

making some dumb decisions

until you get back to exactly

(Thump)

where you think you deserve to be.

How many of you know -
I'm sure none of you have done this -

but how many of you have seen
other people sabotage themselves?

(Laughter)

Yeah.

I thought so. I thought so.

You see, the strongest force
in human personality

is the need to remain consistent
with how we see ourselves.

The strongest force in human personality

is the need to remain consistent
with how we see ourselves.

So the image that we hold of ourselves
controls our successes and our failures

and also impacts
every single area of our life.

Let's say you have a self-image
of someone who's overweight,

and you don't want to talk about it,

and you don't want anyone else
to talk about it either.

But until one day, you just,
'You know what?

I'm going to make a change;
I'm going to do something.

I want to lose weight
because I'm tired of being single.'

(Laughter)

It's always good to have
that extra motivation.

And you go on a diet,

and you go join a gym -

not that you'll go, but you join a gym.

(Laughter)

And you go on a diet, and what happens?

You start to lose weight.

Why? Because you're starving yourself.

(Laughter)

You don't eat anything white;

you don't eat anything sweet.

No more chocolate, no more candy,

no more french fries, no more soda

because you believe they make you fat.

But that's not what makes you fat;

it's your self-image that makes you fat.

You see, when a person who's overweight

goes on a diet without altering
their self-image,

any weight loss will be temporary.

That's why you see people
gain and lose a ton in their lifetime.

Look at Oprah.

(Laughter)

See, whatever you lose,

you're automatically programmed
to find whatever that is lost.

When you step on a scale -

when you start to lose weight,
you look at the scale:

'That's... that's not really me.'

Not consciously but subconsciously.

'That's not who I am.

I don't deserve this.'

And then, bam!

You put the weight right back on.

Now, everybody, go ahead -
touch your chin.

Just go ahead - touch your chin.

Everybody say, 'Hmm!
Isn't that interesting?'

(Laughter)

We become self-prisoners
of our own self-image.

We become self-prisoners
of our own self-image.

Years ago, I met Mike,
and Mike is a very good friend of mine -

fit, healthy, family man,
very successful guy.

And Mike had a habit
of getting up at 6 AM in the morning,

and he would run for an hour.

He'd run for an hour.

Sometimes when we travel together,
we'll get to the hotel late.

But, doesn't matter, he would get up
at 6 AM in the morning,

and he'd run for an hour.

And it didn't matter where we were;
it didn't matter the time zone.

If it was raining, he would run
indoors on a treadmill,

even in the parking lot if necessary.

And, in fact, he never ever missed
a single day in 11 years.

Now, during that time,

sometimes he was sick,
sometimes there was an emergency,

but he never ever missed a single day.

One day, I couldn't help it, and I said,

'Mike, how do you develop such discipline?

How?

What gives you this kind of motivation
to get up at 6 AM in the morning and run?

Like, what is your secret?'

He simply said,

'Dan, I'm a runner, so I run.'

Hmm...

'I'm a runner, so I run.'

See, the source of Mike's motivation
didn't come from his self-discipline.

It didn't come from his 'willpower'.

It came from this self-image
of himself as a runner.

As a runner.

Here's a simple truth:

we all act consistent
with who we believe we are.

We all act consistent
with who we believe we are.

So why great ideas alone
are not enough to succeed?

Why don't we do things
that we know deep down

that are good for ourselves
and good for others?

By a show of hands,

how many of you know someone
who is a smoker but wanting to [stop]

because they know that it is not good
for them and their family?

Put up your hand if you know
someone like that - yes.

Let me give you a very simple strategy -

foolproof method,

20 years of research,

guaranteed to work.

You ready?

(Audience) Yeah!

Here we go:

(Shouting) Stop putting that cigarette
in your mouth and lighting it!

(Laughter)

Duh!

(Laughter)

See, you smoke because you're a smoker.

Makes sense, doesn't it?

But you weren't born a smoker.

In fact, I guarantee you
the first time you smoked,

your body probably rejected it,

and you probably coughed.

But your friend said, 'Hey, dude!

(Laughter)

Just keep smoking!

(Laughter)

You'll get used to it!'

(Laughter)

And you did.

Eventually, the coughing stopped.

And you got so good that you couldn't
stop yourself from smoking.

Hmm...

We all act consistent
with who we believe we are.

Now,

why am I sharing this with you?

See, we all know what it takes

to change and transform
and better our lives.

The how-to is usually not that complex.

It's not that complex.

But that's the first place
that everybody looks!

It's human nature.

If I want to lose weight, how do I do it?

I want to grow my business -
how do I do it?

How do I do it?

If there's any gift that I came by
to give you today, it's this:

it's to remind you
what you know deep down already

and do something about it.

Because today you'll get
some amazing, spectacular ideas.

You'll be entertained,
you'll be informed, you'll be inspired.

But instead of saying then

'Hmm, you know what? That's interesting,'

promise yourself that you would
just take one idea - just one -

one idea and apply it in your life.

Do one thing that you don't normally do.

Just one.

Your mind would go,

'Oh! I don't do this!

I just did it.

Hmm... maybe I could do this.

Hmm, maybe I'm more. Who knows?'

Right there, you start to alter
and expand your self-image.

My mentor said to me years ago
something I'll never forget.

He said, 'Dan,

hell on earth is meeting the man
or woman you could have been.'

'Hell on earth is meeting the man
or woman you could have been.'

So while you're listening
to other speakers -

go ahead, put up your right hand, please,

touch your heart -

ask yourself three questions:

'Who do I have to be to dream again?

And who do I have to be
to live the life I want?

And who do I have to be
to produce the results I want?'

Yes, that's the question:

'Who do I have to be
to produce the results I want?'

When you have the answers
to these questions,

you will have the key
to make your great ideas succeed.

(Applause) (Cheers)