Why Relationships? Sadhguru

Sadhguru: When you are unable to hear what somebody else is saying,

your relationships will go bad. (Laughs)

In many ways,

the fundamentals of your relationship is,

you are willing to listen to the other person, isnt it?

Hum?

If you want to say everything,

there will be no relationship.

Relationships,

for most of you

the way you are right now,

the quality of your relationship

largely decides the quality of your life.

Is that so?

Hum?

The quality of relationships that you hold in your life

largely decides the very quality of life that you live.

So, when it is playing such an important role in your life,

I think it needs to be looked at.

So what is the basis of a relationship?

Why do human beings need a relationship first of all?

Relationships are formed on different levels,

various types of relationships,

to fulfill different types of needs.

The needs may be

physical, psychological, emotional, social,

financial, political, it could be any kind.

But to fulfill various needs within a human being,

relationships are established on different levels.

Whatever the nature of the relationship,

whatever the type of relationship,

still the fundamental aspect is you have a need to fulfill.

No I have nothing to get, I want to give.

Giving is also as much a need as receiving, isnt it?

Yes?

I have to give something to somebody

this is also as much a need as I have to receive something.

So there is a need, whatever kind of need.

Needs may be diverse,

accordingly relationships could be diverse.

Now, the moment we form a relationship

wanting to fulfill a certain need

and if that need is not fulfilled

then relationships will go bad.

For whatever purpose for which we have formed a relationship,

if those needs

and those expectations are not fulfilled,

relationships will go bad.

We may claim many things,

but when your expectations are not fulfilled

it does go bad, isnt it?

So instead of doing too much wishy-washy about it,

its best to look at it straight

and see what is it and how we need to handle it?

The needs within a human being have risen

because of a certain sense of incompleteness.

People are forming relationships

to experience a certain sense of completeness within themselves.

When you have a good relationship with someone dear to you,

you feel complete.

When you dont have that you feel incomplete.

Why is this so?

Because this life,

this piece of life is a complete entity by itself.

Why is it feeling incomplete?

And, why is it trying to fulfill itself

by making a partnership with another piece of life?

Fundamental reason is

that we have not explored this life in its full depth and dimension.

Though that is the basis,

there is a complex process of relationships as such.

There are expectations,

and

expectations and expectations and expectations. (Laughs)

The expectations that most people are creating are such

that there is no human being on the planet who could ever fulfill those expectations.

If you

especially this man-woman relationship,

the expectations are so much that

even if you marry a god or a goddess, they will fail you. (Laughs)

Because the expectations are so unrealistic

that nobody, no human being can ever fulfill that.

And unable to understand the expectations

or the source of expectations,

nobody can fulfill the expectations.

But if you understand

what is the source of this expectation,

you could form a very beautiful partnership.

Are you ok for,

you are getting very serious with relationships

On a certain day

Jack and Jill

now let me use,

I am trying to just culturally change the joke. (Laughs)

Jack and Jill were going up the hill,

and

Jack had a bucket in his hand,

a chicken under his arm, and a pitch fork

and a rope at the end of which there was a goat.

And Jill said, I am feeling very nervous.

Jack said, Why?

I am afraid you may have your way with me.

I am alone with you.

He said, What do you mean?

I didnt do anything and my hands are full?

So she said,

You may put the pitch fork down, plant it in the earth,

tie the goat to it, put the chicken down and put the bucket over it,

couldnt you? (Laughter)

And in the process of holding a relationship,

the first moment of meeting the expectations may be common.

But as every step that we take in life,

the expectations may become different.

Because these expectations keep changing in people,

they are not consistent and they cannot be.

One person may be consistent with the same expectation throughout their life;

another persons expectations may be changing

because his perception and experience of life is changing.

Now relationships become great conflict.