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Sadhguru: When you are unable to hear what somebody else is saying,
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your relationships will go bad. (Laughs)
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In many ways,
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the fundamentals of your relationship is,
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you are willing to listen to the other person, isnt it?
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Hum?
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If you want to say everything,
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there will be no relationship.
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Relationships,
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for most of you
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the way you are right now,
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the quality of your relationship
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largely decides the quality of your life.
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Is that so?
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Hum?
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The quality of relationships that you hold in your life
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largely decides the very quality of life that you live.
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So, when it is playing such an important role in your life,
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I think it needs to be looked at.
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So what is the basis of a relationship?
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Why do human beings need a relationship first of all?
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Relationships are formed on different levels,
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various types of relationships,
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to fulfill different types of needs.
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The needs may be
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physical, psychological, emotional, social,
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financial, political, it could be any kind.
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But to fulfill various needs within a human being,
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relationships are established on different levels.
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Whatever the nature of the relationship,
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whatever the type of relationship,
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still the fundamental aspect is you have a need to fulfill.
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No I have nothing to get, I want to give.
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Giving is also as much a need as receiving, isnt it?
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Yes?
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I have to give something to somebody
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this is also as much a need as I have to receive something.
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So there is a need, whatever kind of need.
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Needs may be diverse,
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accordingly relationships could be diverse.
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Now, the moment we form a relationship
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wanting to fulfill a certain need
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and if that need is not fulfilled
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then relationships will go bad.
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For whatever purpose for which we have formed a relationship,
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if those needs
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and those expectations are not fulfilled,
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relationships will go bad.
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We may claim many things,
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but when your expectations are not fulfilled
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it does go bad, isnt it?
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So instead of doing too much wishy-washy about it,
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its best to look at it straight
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and see what is it and how we need to handle it?
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The needs within a human being have risen
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because of a certain sense of incompleteness.
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People are forming relationships
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to experience a certain sense of completeness within themselves.
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When you have a good relationship with someone dear to you,
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you feel complete.
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When you dont have that you feel incomplete.
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Why is this so?
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Because this life,
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this piece of life is a complete entity by itself.
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Why is it feeling incomplete?
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And, why is it trying to fulfill itself
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by making a partnership with another piece of life?
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Fundamental reason is
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that we have not explored this life in its full depth and dimension.
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Though that is the basis,
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there is a complex process of relationships as such.
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There are expectations,
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and
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expectations and expectations and expectations. (Laughs)
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The expectations that most people are creating are such
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that there is no human being on the planet who could ever fulfill those expectations.
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If you
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especially this man-woman relationship,
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the expectations are so much that
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even if you marry a god or a goddess, they will fail you. (Laughs)
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Because the expectations are so unrealistic
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that nobody, no human being can ever fulfill that.
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And unable to understand the expectations
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or the source of expectations,
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nobody can fulfill the expectations.
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But if you understand
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what is the source of this expectation,
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you could form a very beautiful partnership.
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Are you ok for,
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you are getting very serious with relationships
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On a certain day
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Jack and Jill
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now let me use,
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I am trying to just culturally change the joke. (Laughs)
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Jack and Jill were going up the hill,
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and
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Jack had a bucket in his hand,
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a chicken under his arm, and a pitch fork
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and a rope at the end of which there was a goat.
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And Jill said, I am feeling very nervous.
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Jack said, Why?
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I am afraid you may have your way with me.
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I am alone with you.
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He said, What do you mean?
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I didnt do anything and my hands are full?
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So she said,
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You may put the pitch fork down, plant it in the earth,
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tie the goat to it, put the chicken down and put the bucket over it,
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couldnt you? (Laughter)
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And in the process of holding a relationship,
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the first moment of meeting the expectations may be common.
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But as every step that we take in life,
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the expectations may become different.
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Because these expectations keep changing in people,
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they are not consistent and they cannot be.
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One person may be consistent with the same expectation throughout their life;
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another persons expectations may be changing
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because his perception and experience of life is changing.
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Now relationships become great conflict.
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Not Synced