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Principal's office
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Good evening Sidney
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Good evening Miss Courtney, just
giving your door a bit of a touch up
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Had a nice holiday?
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l spent seven days in sunny Spain
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- Pardon? - Sunny Spain
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- That sounds nice - lt rained
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Oh, l am sorry! Still l expect you enjoyed
all those exotic Spanish dishes
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- l got food poisoning - Oh sorry
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Did it rain every day?
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Oh no! When l got
food poisoning the sun came out
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When l got better, it went back in
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Apart from the day before we
left. That was absolutely glorious
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- Well at least you had one
good day - l got sunburnt
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What a pity!
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- Hello Sid - Mr. Brown, welcome back
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- Ta, is she in?
- l've creamed out your bin
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- No, is she in? - Yeah,
but she's in a shocking temper
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- l'll see her later then
- Glad to be back?
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Yeah, l shall miss my old class
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But l shall enjoy the challenge of
starting again with fresh minds
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l wonder how many different nationalities
l'll have to deal with this term?
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Good evening
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Pleased to meet you
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Thank you
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Do you speak English?
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- Hungry? - lgen
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You want something to eat?
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- Hungry - Hungary
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l'll put you in my register
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What is your name?
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Your name
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- Zoltan Szabo - Zoltan Szabo
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This is yes
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This is no
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Yes... No
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Good
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l am Mr. Brown, your teacher
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l hope that was complimentary
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Never mind
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Do you know any English?
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Yes
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- Gud sev de kwin - God Save the Queen
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More? Some more English?
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- Pliz, thank you - Good
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- Shtones - Shtones?
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- Rolling Stones? - Yes
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Good evening Mr. Brown
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l am most happy to
be seeing you again
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Anna, Ranjeet! What
are you doing here?
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We failed our exam but we are
coming back for more lessons
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That is correct! Like Roberty Bruce say
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lf at first you are not succeeding, try, try
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Again!
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lf at first you are not succeeding...
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Never mind
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Were you not expecting us?
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No the authorities don't notify the
individual teachers of the results
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And as usual Miss Courtney has
kept me in the dark
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She took the lights out?
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No, she never told me!
This is Zoltan, Ranjeet
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Delighted to be making
your acquaintance
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What a nice man! He
is giving me a present
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He wants you to read out
something from his phrase book
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A thousand apologies
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Waiter my soup is cold
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Pleased to meet you
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Thank you
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Good and this is Anna
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How do you do?
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Yes, Thank you
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Would you both like to sit down
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This time l sit at front, then
l can be learning quicker
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l will be sitting in my
accustomed place
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Well, l was hoping that l had
a hundred percent pass record
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But still, two failures
out of ten isn't bad
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Good evening master
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Four failures out of ten
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Jamila you failed
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Sorry Master
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But maybe next time
l shall be winning
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l'm sure you mean winning
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- And you, Taro - Ah so
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Loss of face
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Not goodo for Japanese
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First, considered Hara-kiri
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Then decide to como
backo for more lessons
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But if no pass next time
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Just make sure you don't do
it on the classroom floor
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Well, as you can see you re not alone
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This is Zoltan
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Jamila, and Taro
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- Pleased to meet you
- Good evening
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Jamila, you want your place back?
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No, l sit at backside with Taro
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No Jamila! You will sit at the back
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Backside is what you sit on
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No master, what l sit on is chair
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Yes, l can see why you failed
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Buenas noches everybodies
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Juan! Don't tell me you failed
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lt's all right! l not tell you
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- You don't need to tell me!
l know - You plenty smart
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That's more than l can say for you
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- Por favore? - Never mind
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This is Zoltan! This is Juan
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How you do?
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ls for me?
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He's really saying he's
pleased to meet you
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He doesn't speak English
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lt's all right! l teach him
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That would be like the
blind leading the blind
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Blind
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He not see!
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- You feel - Juan he's not blind
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l was just using a...,
never mind! Sit down
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Ok! l sit here
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- Good afton - Good evening
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- l here come to English learn
- l come here to learn English
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We together sit
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No, we can't do that
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What is matter? There is
wrong something with me?
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There is wrong nothing with you
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- l very much like you - l am your teacher
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Teacher? You are too
young to be teacher
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Thank you
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- ls that your name? - Yes
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- lngrid Svenson - lngrid Svenson
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- l take it you are Svedish...
Swedish? - Ja
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- Where from? - Stockholm
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- Stockholm! And what is yourjob?
- Au pair
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Very nice
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Where shall we sit you?
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There's a place here with me
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There is also a place here beside me
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Here please
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l think we'll sit you at
the front for the time being
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You're sitting next to
Juan, behind you is Ranjeet
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At the back are Taro and Jamila
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She is Anna and he is Zoltan
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And l am Ali
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- Ali, not you as well
- As well as what please?
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- You failed? - Yes
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l am getting twenty out of one hundred
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That's nothing to be proud about
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You're supposed to get at least fifty
to pass! Twenty is disgraceful
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Last year l am getting nothing at all
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So l am doing better! l sit
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- Scuse please! Get up - What for?
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- That is my seat
- l not see your name on seat
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Get your big Spanish
bottom out of my chair
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You no talk me like that! l punch you
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That's enough! Seats
are not reservable
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Sit somewhere else, Ali
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Ok, l sit at the back
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You big spanish bottom
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We'll wait a few more moments in
case there are any more new students
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Buena Serra
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lt's just like old times
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lt's a big surprise, eh professori?
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l am not disappointed to be back
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- Who is that?
- This is lngrid! She is Swedish
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She is also sitting in my seat
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- You will move yes? - l will move no
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- You can sit next to me
- No, you sit next to me
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That's right! You sit beside Max and
Giovanni because l want to sit here
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l'm sorry Danielle! But l think it's
important the new students sit at the front
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- l don't like you - l'm so worried
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You can come and sit next to me
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- Sit between us - Ok
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Well l must say that l'm
extremely disappointed in you all
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lt's not your fault professori!
We not pass because we're stupid
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- And what does that make me?
- More stupid
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Exactly! Out of ten students
l've nine failures
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Vely solly l'm rate
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Congratulations! You are
getting ten out of ten
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Well l really don't know what to say
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Oh blimey, if you are
not knowing what to say
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How are you going to be teaching us?
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- l'll ignore that stupid remark
- Jolly good
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Because you have all failed, l have failed
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lt's perfectly true
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This term, l want much
more effort from all of you
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You must all pull your socks up
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lt's all right
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No Juan, l was speaking figuratively
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- Por favore - Never mind
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You must all concentrate
much harder this term
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We shall start at the beginning again
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And this time l shall be giving
twice as much homework as last time
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l want a hundred per cent
effort from all of you
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Now tonight l want you each to tell
me what you did during the holidays
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- Please? - Yes Zoltan
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l do not understand what you are saying
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Never mind! Just keep quiet and listen
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Never mind
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l speak
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No speak
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- Thank you Juan - lt's all right
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Now, what have you been
doing with yourself, Jamila?
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l went on holidays to visit all my family
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- You went to Bombay? - No Birmingham
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Birmingham, the Mecca of the Midlands
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- And you Taro? - Ah so
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What did you get up to?
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Went on fishing holiday
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- Good, did you catch
anything? - Catcho heavy coldo
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Did you enjoy your break Ali?
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l am not breaking anything
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- The holiday - Jolly good
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l am learning how to be
driving a motor car
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Good, that's very useful! When
do you take your test?
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Oh blimey
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l'm already failing my test
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The examiner man was
jumping out of the car
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When l was going down a hill
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- l expect you were going too
fast - No, l was going backwards
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- What did you do Su Lee?
- Spent time lighting
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- Lighting what? - Lighting book
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Ah book
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What sort of book are you lighting, writing?
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ls called The Democratic way of Life
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All about glorious freedom-loving Chinese
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l see, a work of fiction
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Tell us what you did with yourself Ranjeet
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l have been looking after my cousin
while her husband has been away
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Very commendable
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He is being discharged this week
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Discharged? He's been in hospital?
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No prison
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And he is being sent to
prison for something he didn't do
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- What really didn't he do?
- He didn't run fast enough
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Quiet! Tell us what you did Giovanni
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l went to Marsgate
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- Margate - Scusi
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l met this fantastic girl
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She had the biggest...
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l'm sure we all get your meaning
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Every day we used to go on the sand for a bit
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- For a while - Scusi?
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To go on the sands for a while
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To go on the sands for a bit can imply you
were, well doing something naughty
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That's right, we were very
naughty on the sand
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Silence!
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Mr. Brown, miss Courtney
wants you right away
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Thank you Sid
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You can have an early tea break and
we'll continue with this later
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- Please - Yes Zoltan
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No, you must try to speak! Speak
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You
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- Girl - Yes please
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- No you re not a girl - You
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Ah, you have a girl friend
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- l understand, go on - Girl English
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An English girl
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- You - Me
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You want me to write a letter to your girl?
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Please
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What do you want me to write?
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What l write?
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l think l get the general idea
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Sidney!
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Yes Miss Courtney
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Did you tell Mr. Brown
l wanted to see him?
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Yeah definitely
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l think this should be all right
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Dear Miss, l'm writing to tell
you of my feelings for you
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l think you are beautiful
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l want to hold you in my arms and kiss you
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Please say you feel the same about me
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All my love
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Yes!
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Thank you
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- What is going on here? - Nothing
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lt certainly didn't sound like nothing
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l was writing a letter for
Zoltan to his girl friend
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He was showing me his
appreciation in Hungarian
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Kindly leave us
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Go, l said go! Go
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Now Mr. Brown
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l understand none of your
previous students
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Passed their lower
Cambridge Certificate
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l think there were a few near misses
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That's not good enough
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Obviously Mr. Brown,
you are sadly lacking
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ln the necessary
qualities required to teach English
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- Just a moment - Don't interrupt
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l shall be keeping a very close
eye on you this term, Mr. Brown
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Unless l see a marked improvement,
out you go
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- lt's not... - l have no
wish to listen to feeble excuses
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Pompous old cow
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- What was that?
- l said l'm just going now
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Hey, you not speak nothing?
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He is not knowing the English as
well as what we are knowing
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- l speak with him
- Blimey, he speak Hungryarian
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Sure l speak Hunarian
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- Football - Football
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- Puskas - Pele
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- Kepkens - Beckenball
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- Bobby Lee Shutkan - Bobby Lee Moor
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You see, l told you
l speak the language
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You like England?
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Ya! l also very much like teacher
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- You not make the eyes at
Mr. Brown - lf l want l will
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Mr. Brown does not like the blond ladies
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Swedish girls are the beautifullest
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Swedish girls are too big in the bosoms
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French girls are too big in the mouth
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ln China, looks are not important
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lt is brains and intellect that matter
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- Absolument - Su Lee is right
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We women are not symbols for sex
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- You agree Jamila? - l not understand
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We Women are not here to
give the men the pleasure
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l like give men pleasure
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Trying to find a few winners?
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No l'm trying to find out if
l can afford to leave the wife
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- Pardon? - Premium bonds
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A hundred thousand pounds!
l could be lucky
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Somebody's got to win it
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- How many bonds have you got? - One
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You're as bad as me! l've only got one
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One, double F, two,
three, two, three, two
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You've got a good memory
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lt's not a difficult one
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One, double F, two,
three, two, three, two
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That's right
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- That's it - That's what?
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One, double F, two,
three, two, three, two
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l don't believe it
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Are you sure that you
got the right cucumber?
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- Cucumber? - The number
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Positive! Look
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One, double F, two,
three, two, three, two
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That's right! You've won a
hundred thousand pounds
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- What are you going to
do? - What am l going to do
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Celebrate of course
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- Gladys - Yes Mr. Brown
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Coffees all round
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Everybody please! l want to read
you all my letter of resignation
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No, no! l'm definitely resigning
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With one hundred thousand pounds,
l no longer need to teach English
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Dear Dracula
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This is to inform you
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That l think you are a rude, obnoxious
and self-opinionated old dragon
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And if l ever see you again,
it will be too soon
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Yours disrespectfully,
Jeremy Brown
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- Ali - Yes please
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See that Miss Courtney
gets this straight away
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Jelly good
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Thank you
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- Please - Oh yes Zoltan, your letter
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Glad, where's Sid's paper?
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- He went and took it with
him - Took it with him?
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- l got a paper Mr. Brown
- Great Max, thank you
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Here it is, one hundred thousand pounds
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Today's number is One E, F, two, three
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Wait a minute! That's not
right! lt should be one double F
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We apologize for the misprint
printed out early in the day
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l have not won anything
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- So you won't be resignating
after all - Resigning
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That letter...
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Hello please
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Ali, the letter to Miss Courtney
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- She is not in the office - Thank God
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Mr. Brown, Mr. Nadim!
Did you want to see me?
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- No - Yes please! This is for you
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Thank you
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l'd like a word with you Mr. Brown
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l'll have you in the office
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Close the door
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l'll just see what this letter is first
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l wouldn't do that! You don't know where
it's been! lt could be full of germs
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Don't be so ridiculous
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l seem to recognize this writing
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lt looks like yours, Mr. Brown
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No, it's nothing like
mine! ltjust looks like mine
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- Well l'd better open it - l think l'll go
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l haven't finished with you yet
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You will have when you read that letter
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- l beg you pardon? - Nothing
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Good Heavens
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Miss Courtney
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l've never read anything like it in my life
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- l can explain... - Just listen to this
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l'd rather not
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Dear Miss, l'm writing to tell
you of my feelings for you
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You see l thought l'd won... Pardon?
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l want to hold you in my
arms and kiss you
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You did write this letter Mr. Brown
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Well l... Not to you
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lt's the letter you wrote for
that Hungarian student
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- Yes, you see what must have
happened - You don't need to go on
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Obviously he's been
smitten by my charm and beauty
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- Pardon? - l have told
you before Mr. Brown
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l do have a strange
fascination for the opposite sex
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Oh yes very strange
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You may not believe this, Mr. Brown
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But when l was a young
girl l was very plain
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A cup of tea Gladys please
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Everything ok, Mr. Brown?
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Yes! l must have put Zoltan's letter to his
girl friend in my envelop to Miss Courtney
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- He's not going to be very happy
- Why not?
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He's gonna give the letter you write