The Social Psychology of Close Relationships

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XIMENA ARRIAGA: So
the social psychology

of close relationships
is the study

of how we form bonds
with other people,

close bonds with other people.

It can involve the desire to
be with others in a close way.

It can be the
formation of bonds,

the maintenance of those bonds.

It's also how
those relationships

change across time.

And that could be where
they change in their nature.

It could be that they end.

It could be that they become
another type of relationship.

Close relationships
are those where

people have regular
contact with one another

that might be
digitally mediated,

or it could be face-to-face.

And it's where
people, meaningfully,

influence each other,
where they're having

a real impact on each other.

So these are more
meaningful relationships.

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Historically, the field
of close relationships

has looked at a number
of different topics,

starting with whether
we like each other,

whether we're attracted to
each other, initial attraction.

That really was working within
the dominant paradigm back then

of attitudes.

So the idea was that
we can have an attitude

toward another person.

And just as the history of
social psychology changed,

so did the way of framing
a lot of the main topics.

So in the '70s, people
became much more interested

in attributions
and relationships,

which was partly due to the
greater emphasis on social

cognition, and then
schemata in relationships.

It was really in the '80s, where
the relationships feel started

to take a much broader view.

It's not just who you want
to enter a relationship with.

It really is, once you
enter a relationship,

is that going to last?

Is it going to be a
relationship, that's fulfilling,

a relationship
that's worth lasting?

So that led us to look at things
like the formation of commitment

in relationships,
how people learn

to trust their partners, what
are things that they look at

and entrusting their
partners, whether people

are responsive to
each other's needs,

whether they're
supportive of each other.

And what's interesting
is that's not just

a snapshot of the beginning.

It's really looking at
the life of a relationship

and how that affects
each partner,

and in turn, how the partners
want that relationship to last

or not.

And that's opened it up into a
whole host of topics that are

so relevant to our lives today.

So I think an important
topic concerns poverty,

stressors, illness.

How do these strain
relationships?

And then also, how
can our partners

be allies in combating
some of these issues?

There's a variety
of relationships

that we're looking at now--

polyamory, diverse ages, diverse
cultures, diverse backgrounds.

So all of those are
factors that now

are leading us to ask
questions in a different way.

What are the key variables
that will predict

whether my relationship
lasts and whether I'm

going to be pretty happy and
fulfilled in my relationship?

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It's really fascinating to
see how technology has changed

the study of close
relationships, and vice-versa,

how the study of
close relationships

has affected technology.

So technology has been really
important in looking at how

people manage long distance.

We now have many more long
distance relationships

than we did 20 years ago.

So think about in
technology, how

things have changed,
that I can stay connected

with someone who's all
the way across the world

through social media.

I can do that with a
tablet, where the person is

present with me in the room,
even if they're not actually

present with me in the room.

There are all these
ways that technology

has helped us keep our
relationships thriving and going

well.

Technology, also, has been
important in terms of the way

we study relationships.

So there's so many things
we've learned through fMRI that

were not possible 20 years ago.

It's just one example.

Some couples report many
decades into their relationship,

still being madly in
love with one another.

That sounds fine, but
is it really true?

Well, you put them
in an fMRI machine,

and you realize
that, yes, actually,

their neural activation
patterns mimic

those of people that
are passionately in love

in the very early stages
of their relationship.

We can use other methods,
such as sampling people

multiple times in the day
through event sampling.

We can look at
physiological measures.

Another area where technology
has been really interesting

is in thinking about
whether robots, gaming,

virtual reality,
eventually, will create

proxies for our relationships.

Can those venues,
can those platforms

satisfy needs in the same
way that an actual person

might satisfy?

So that's going to
be interesting to see

how that plays out.

Now, close relationships have
also affected technology.

Think of all the
startups that have

to do with how you meet others,
whether it's meeting someone

for a long-term
relationship, meeting

someone for a
short-term relationship,

meeting someone for
a sexual encounter.

All of those were
areas where there

was a demand to meet
other people, to connect

with other people.

And now we have all
of these startups

with apps to be able
to do just that.

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The study of close relationships
is at the forefront

on issues of inclusion.

Think of what issues
of inclusion concern.

It really has to do
with the need to belong.

We are social beings.

We want to be valued by others.

We want to be
accepted by others.

And really, it
does come down to,

can we acknowledge
people for who they are?

And can we accept
them for who they are?

Now, for issues of diversity,
which I think really

is a different kind
of issue, there's

a lot that still can be done in
the area of close relationships.

We're making a lot of
progress in studying

diverse relationships, ones
that formerly were stigmatized,

such as major age differences,
or maybe people that

are from different cultures,
or different religions,

or different ethnicities.

There has been quite a
bit of research on that.

There's not as much research
on the diverse types

of relationships,
so we're learning

much more about
relationships that are just

friends with benefits, or
relationships in which there are

very tenuous bonds, or
relationships in which there

is no sexual behavior.

So that whole variety
of shapes and forms

that relationships
can take is an area

that I think is really
exciting for the future.

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