Margaret Cho - Assassin Part 1/8

welcome to the scene

thank you

I wanted to find a name for Cho that was the most volatile, provocative, incendial name

like what would make, you know, me just gonna go crazy

oh, she talks about everything

she's real. she puts it out there and she tells it as it is

but people are really frustrated politically, people are really angry about what's going on

if people don't wanna hear us, don't listen, because she's so damn funny

people feel powerless, and usually that's when somebody wants to hire an assassin

she's such an assassin. I'll kill you Margaret

hi Margaret, thank you so much for having your show on my 21 birthday

i'm so excited to be here

we're 2 white little straight girl, and she's incredible

I don't acknowledge the difference between us

Maragaret, I love you so much. You're so gay

this is mommy. are you gay? if you don't pick up the phone, that means you're gay

the hesitation, and this wierd sensitivity people have towards culture

and they don't wanna say anything, they don't wanna offend people

but because I am the member of so many different minorities

it's what gives me carte blanche

she speaks her mind, and she stands up for all the little people and... I don't know, she's great

she's so pretty, I love her

because, you know, woman, because, you know, asian-american, I'm like...

you know, so intranged in gay cilture in so many different ways

she's funny and inspitarional at the same time

which is hard to put in one person

that sorta gives me a lot of freedom to move about

there's nothing she won't say

exactly. she will say anything and doesn't care about who likes it and who doesn't

and it's just awesome to know somebody like that

to comment on things and not worry so much about any kind of repercussions

like oh, you're not supposed to say that because you're not one of us

but i am, you know, because I'm always gonne be one of us we're always gonna be one of us

I just have like that kind of membership in every club

and now, the one, the only Margaret Cho

ruth daniels, everybody

thank you

come on

thank you

thank you, it's so fantastic to be here

and we've been travelling everywhere which has been all over the world

and England is fucking boring!

it's where white people begin the whitening process

it's amazing how dull it is

I was listening to the news, and I couldn't believe it

Londoners on the isle of Louis will be forced to sell the property against their will

it's not like american news

american news is like...

SISTAAAAH

someone is having a flying lesson, aaaah

somebody has a fucking flying lesson, everything shuts down

everyone has to be evacuated, SISTAAAAH

it's like, we're at this level of hysteria were it's always fucking freaking wows about something

you know it's the news who does it

you can't even watch the news because there's always the scroll happening underneath the news also

it's just keeping you in this fucking level of panic

oh, I gotta go outside and turn off the gas

you like, uhhh

it's shit, like you don't need to know, like there's a finger on somebody's chilli

and the scroll is like: "have you ever found a finger in your chilli?"

go on, see you on dot com!

always fucking something

like the runaway bride!

bitch, don't get married

just say, I don't

you don't have to, like, pretend you got kidnapped

you don't have to cut off your hair

throw your sweats all over the place

get on a bus to Albuquerque for no reason

tell everybody you got abducted by a hispanic man

see, this is why they need to outlaw straight people getting married

it's just, like crazy

at least I got some reprise from the fucking pope

look, I had enough from the pope

the pope... the pope who really held on

he really held on

he wouldn't... he wasn't going anyway, he was just hanging on

and the press could not wait for him to die

they were just like waiting for him to die, that whole saturday

but he wouldn't die all day

they were fucking waiting like... he's not dead yet!

but he might be when we come back from this comercial

but the pope who was so sick he couldn't even come to the window

he was so sick that all he could do was manage a blaaaargh

but even that blargh was anti-gay

you know, like

the pope talks so much shit

the pope was castigating the media for making gays look normal

yeah, you are real good judge

a nooormal

with your gold dress

and your matching gold hats

living up in the Vatican with 500 mens

surrounded by the finest antiques in the world

queen, please

you live like Versace did

and now they have... they found a new pope

I don't know how they do that, they put all the cardinals together

and they play... Vatican Idol

they look arround to see who has the most liver spots

oh, that guy

and that guy goes on and puts on a dress to judge people

being pope is a lot like being a drag queen