Does Jungto Society Offer Programs for Children?

<Does Jungto Society
Offer Programs for Children?>

(Questioner) Hello,
It's nice to see you in person

and not on the weekly class videos.

I'm sorry,
I'm supposed to stand up.

I have a question.
I have a 9 years old son.

He is a real good kid
but I did notice that he took after me.

He has my temper
and will blow up.

He has a very hard time
to control himself

and it's getting worse
as he's getting older.

I was wondering if there are any
Buddhism courses for children in Korea.

If Jungto Society works with children
or has a family program

in which it deals with children.
And if we can talk about it.

It would be great.
Thank you.

(Sunim) I actually a subject matter
of children expert

who is dealing with young people.

As I got older, my focus shifted to
deal with college students.

I got even older.
I dealt with young people.

I'm much older.
So, I deal with middle aged people.

If I get a little bit older,
I'll be dealing with retirees.

In the beginning,
When I started this path,

I actually dealt a lot with
middle school age kids.

That's how it is but my question to you
is that you're living fine right now, right?

(Questioner) Though, I started
my Buddhism course last year.

I'm in Buddhism too now.

I did ask my son recently
how he found me to be

and he did say that I am calmer.

I'm hoping to introduce him to do
more of the Buddhism practices.

But when I ask him to do
meditation with me,

he gets very angry because he says
breathing makes him angry.

(Sunim) In a ways, But you're still fine
overall, right? your life.

(Questioner) I'm very much in peace.

(Sunim) Does your son take after you?

(Questioner) Yes,
he has my temper.

(Sunim) Therefore, your son
will live as well as you will.

If you had a lot of challenges.
You had to deal with as a result of

your temper to get to where you are today.
Your son will walk the same path.

If you got better and
had more peace of mind,

because you encounter Buddhist teaching,
your son will do the same

but about 40 or 50 years from now.
So, no worries there.

Just because you like
somebody right now,

you can't demand that
or impose that on your kid.

Right now, you appreciate
these teachings

because you have went through
a lot of experiences.

Your son has not gone through
this journey, yet.

There's no way for him to think
to judge that this is good.

In fact,
if you're imposing on it,

then it's going to kind of
have a counter effect.

In other ways,
if you impose it too much insist on it,

it becomes more of a source
of trauma for him,

then you actually shut that door for him.

But if your practice
gets better, deeper

and you improve as a person,
then your son's going to watch it

and experience it and see that.
So, later on,

when he faces
his own difficulties,

he might recall that
this worked for you

and he might try it.

Don't ask your son to meditate
or get into Buddhist teaching.

The most effective way is for you
to actually engage more deeply

in your own practice.

But at the same time,
you might want to seek

or at least get a professional opinion
for your son.

And if the professional medicine,
a doctor says,

there's some issues there,
then you can get it treated

Because early discovery of any symptoms
is always easier to deal with.

If the doctor says, he falls within
the normal range,

although, he might be
a little temperamental,

then he'll be fine.

I mean, he'll have to deal with
certain things but he'll be fine.

In that situation,
You becoming calmer

is a great example for your son.

Because as a kid,
he's very influenced by his circumstances.

There's good or bad,
There is an old saying in Korea,

you've got to be careful
how you drink water in front of kids.

Because kids always imitate you.

If you improve more
and you develop more of a peace of mind,

you know that you're greatly
influencing your son.

Those of you here with young kids,
below teenagers,

if you instead of demanding
your kids do something,

Self transformation is
the biggest instruction

or lesson learned for your kids.

Because kids, they tend to imitate.

Of course, they always rebel against
any criticism that you lay on them.

For example,
say come back early.

They'll always ask, "how come
mom, dad always comes in late."

If you tell them dinner at 6,
for example.

They'll thinking, "how come
you didn't eat at 6 last night."

This is how kids act.

You have to do things
together with your kids.

If they do something wrong,
don't scold them.

You just don't do it for them.

If you scold them,
you create this injury within them.

But if you do
whatever they want you to do,

then he doesn't develop their discipline.

You need a wisdom,
a balance in which you don't scold them.

At the same time, you don't do
every thing that they ask you.

Kids do not learn just because
you say something once.

If you have to repeat
yourself 10 times

but they still don't understand,
repeat yourself 11th times.

We often think
our kids are little adults.

I told you I'm not going to tell
you again, I told you twice already.

That kid is no longer a kid
If he acts that way,

then he should be an adult.

If you bring that perspective
then you should not have any problems.

(Questioner) Thank you
for advocating for mental health as well.