-
Hello It's nice to see you in person and not on the weekly class videos.
Oh, sorry, I'm supposed to stand.
So I have a question. I have a 9 year old son and he's a really good kid but I did notice that he took after me and has my temper and will blow up and then has a very hard time controlling himself and it's getting worse as he's getting older.
And I was wondering if there are any Buddhism courses for children in Korea
-
or if Jungdo Society works with the children of the families that are part of the program.
If you've dealt with children, if you can talk about it, that would be great.
Thank you.
-
Actually it was a subject matter experts in dealing with young people.
-
So as I got older, my focus shifted demographic focus shifted to college aged kids
-
and then I got even older.
So in later 20s after college,
-
I'm much older. So I deal with middle aged people.
If I get a little bit older, I'll be dealing with retirees
-
in the beginning. When I started this path, I actually dealt a lot with middle school age kids.
-
That's how it is but my question to you is that you're living fine right now right
-
though I started my Buddhism course last year.
I'm in Buddhism too now and I did ask my son recently how he found me to be and he did say that I am calmer.
So I'm hoping to introduce him to more of the Buddhism practices.
But when I ask him to do meditation with me, he gets very angry because he says breathing makes him angry
-
in a ways. But you're still fine overall right your life
-
very much at peace
-
my son your son takes after you.
-
Yes, he has my temper
-
so therefore your son will live as well as you will.
-
You had a lot of challenges you had to deal with as a result of your temper to get to where you are today your son will walk the same path
-
and if you got better, had more peace of mind because you encounter Buddhist teaching, your son will do the same but about 40 or 50 years from now.
So no worries there
-
because you like somebody right now you can't demand that or impose that on your kid
-
right now you appreciate these teachings because you have went through a lot of experiences that your son has not gone through this journey yet there's no way for him to think this is our judge that this is.
In fact, if you're imposing on it, then it's going to kind of have a counter effect
-
in other ways if you impose it too much, insist on it becomes more of a source of trauma for him then you actually shut that door for him.
-
But if your practice gets better, deeper and you improve as a person, then your son's going to watch it and experience it and see that.
So later on when he faces his own difficulties, he might recall that this worked for you and so he might try it.
-
Don't ask your son to meditate or get into Buddhist teaching.
The most effective way is for you to actually engage more deeply in your own practice.
-
But at the same time you might want to seek or at least get a professional opinion for your son.
-
And if the professional medicine, you know, doctor says, you know, there's some issues there, then you can get it treated
-
because early discovery of any symptoms is easier to deal with.
Always
-
if the doctor says he falls within the normal range, although he might be a little temperamentals, then he'll be fine.
I mean he'll have to deal with certain things but he'll be fine.
-
That situation. You becoming calmer is a great example for your son because as a kid, he's very influenced by his circumstances.
-
She's tonger than that
-
whether that's good or bad.
-
There is an old saying in Korea saying that you've got to be careful how you drink water in front of kids because kids always Im teach you.
-
So if you improve more and you develop more of a peace of mind, you know that you're greatly influencing yourself.
-
So those of you here with young kids, below teenagers if you instead of demanding your kids do something, self transformation is the biggest instruction or lesson learned for your kids because kids, they tend to imitate
-
and of course, they always rebel against any criticism that you lay on them.
For example, say, come back early they'll always ask how come mom, dad always comes in late
-
if you tell them dinner at 6 for example,
-
they'll thinking, how come you didn't eat at 6 last night This is how kids act.
You have to do things together with your kids.
-
So if they do something wrong, don't scold them you just don't do it for them.
-
If you scold them, you create this injury within.
But if you do whatever they want you to do, then he doesn't develop that discipline.
-
You need a wisdom, a balance in which you don't scold them at the same time you don't do everything they ask of you.
Kids do not learn just because you say something once.
And if you have to repeat yourself 10 times that you still don't understand, repeat yourself 11th times.
But we often think our kids are little adults.
I told you I'm not going to tell you again I told you twice already that kid is no longer a kid.
If he acts that way then he should be an adult.
-
So if you bring that perspective then you should not have any problems.
-
Thank you and thank you for advocating for mental health as well.