Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don't understand,
you can still support and uplift us.

Our identities continue to be legitimate
and to exist.

I'm Cami,
I'm 22 years old, I'm non-binary,

and I'm here to talk about
non-binary identities.

Non-binary is an umbrella term
that includes all gender identities

that are not exclusively masculine
or exclusively feminine.

So, it represents both agender,
"a" meaning subtraction,

without gender, which is neutral
and also all the fluid gender identities

like if we imagine gender as a spectrum
with two sides, masculine and feminine,

and a cursor that moves.
So, all the people who are

genderfluid, demigender, pangender, etc.

I never really identified with femininity.

When I was 18,
I started to ask myself questions

about my gender identity
and I met a trans man,

who I was with for some time,
and we finally put my identity into words

which were non-binary.

I think it's because he had
way more info than me,

that he knew how to help find
the words for my identity.

Gender identity is what we are.

It's the gender we feel, live,
and experiment with

and gender expression
is what we show others.

It's how we express that identity.

So, you could have,
for example, a gender identity

that is masculine: so a man,
and you could have

a gender expression that is feminine

with a lot of markers
deemed to be feminine in society.

Like Bilal Bassani,
who is a man with a feminine

gender expression.

I told my parents
I was non-binary and that

I also wanted to change my name.

I was 20, so that was 2 years ago,

and my mom took the news very well.

She was already up-to-date
with gender issues.

She had deconstructed those concepts
and was very safe.

I felt secure.

With my dad,
it was a little more delicate.

I took a little more time to talk to him
and I didn't do it in person.

I sent him a message because, in fact,

it was easier for me to handle
and he reacted pretty well.

He said he didn't understand everything
but in any case

he would be there to support me
and that it changed nothing for him,

that he loved me the same.

With my grandma,
it was a little tricky because

it's something
that's very unfamiliar for her.

She grew up in the countryside.
Then, she moved to Paris.

She lived with my grandpa for 50 years.

She lived in contexts that were so
cis and heteronormative,

she never really asked herself questions
about her identity or others'.

So, when I talked about it with her,
she was shocked,

but she's always looked out
and wanted the best for me.

She's making a lot of effort,

she rarely makes any mistakes
with my name now.

I made a request to change my name
in 2019.

I submitted the request to the city
I was living in.

I obtained a form
that I filled with evidence

from my friends that proved they use
the name Cami when referring to me.

I asked my school to write
a letter of support.

Then, I submitted my form.
I waited a couple of months.

The time varies from city to city.

And I got my name change accepted.

The act of misgendering someone,
is to address that person

by using the wrong pronouns for them.

So, using gendered pronouns
for a non-binary person

who explicitly said to use
neutral pronouns like "them"

and to refer to them
with feminine or masculine pronouns.

Me, personally, I use feminine pronouns

when speaking
and neutral ones when writing.

But, it's true that in general,
I have a habit of saying right away

that I prefer to use
feminine pronouns when speaking.

If a person doesn't do that

and you want to make sure
you're using the right pronouns,

you can ask for them or wait
until the person refers to themselves

and follow their lead.

In the videos I've made previously,
there are a lot of comments

invalidating and denying
our gender expression and identity.