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Even if you don’t understand,
you can still support and stand by us.
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Our identity is still real and valid.
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[Non-binary Stories]
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My name is Cami, I’m 22
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And I’m here to talk about
my non-binary identity.
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Non-binary is an umbrella term
for any gender identity
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that isn’t exclusively masculine
or exclusively feminine.
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That could be agender
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“a” indicating
the absence of gender
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which is neutral
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Or it could be a fluid identity.
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If we imagine gender
as a spectrum
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with two poles:
masculine and feminine
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A fluid identity might
move around that spectrum.
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This includes people who are gender fluid,
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demigender, pangender, etc.
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I never really identified with femininity.
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At 18, I was already
questioning my gender identity
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and I met a trans man
who I dated for a while.
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Together, we put my identity into words:
non-binary.
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I think that because he was
much more informed than me
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He was able to help me
find the words to describe my identity.
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Gender identity is who you are.
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It’s the gender you feel,
that you live, that you experience.
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And gender expression
is what you present to the world.
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It’s the way you express your identity.
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For example, you could have
a masculine gender identity:
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So you’re a man,
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And your gender expression
could be feminine,
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with lots of markers
that society thinks of as feminine.
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For example,
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When I came out to my parents
as non-binary,
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I also told them that
I wanted to change my name.
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It was two years ago,
when I was 20.
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My mom took it very well.
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She was already well versed
in gender identity
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She’d done enough unlearning.
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I felt safe with her.
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Telling my dad was a bit trickier.
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It took me longer to talk to him,
and I didn’t do it in person.
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I sent him a message
because it was easier for me to manage.
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He reacted quite well.
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He said he didn’t understand everything
but that he supported me no matter what,
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that it didn’t change anything for him,
and that he loved me just the same.
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It was harder for my grandmother
because it was very foreign to her.
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She grew up in the countryside
before moving to Paris.
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She lived with my grandfather
for 50 years.
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She lived in a very
cisheteronormative environment
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where she never questioned
her gender identity or anyone else's.
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When I told her,
she was a bit out of her depth.
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But she always made sure
to interact with me
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in the best way she could.
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She tries really hard.
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She almost always
uses my chosen name now.
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I applied for a legal name change
in 2019.
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I applied to the town council
where I was living at the time.
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I sent in a folder that I filled
with statements from friends and family
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confirming that they used the name Cami
to refer to me.
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I asked my school for a letter of support.
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Then I submitted my application.
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I waited a few months.
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Wait times vary by municipality.
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And my name change was approved.
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Misgendering someone
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is using the wrong pronouns
to refer to someone.
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So for a non-binary person
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who explicitly asked you
to use "they/them" pronouns
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misgendering them would be using
she/her or he/him pronouns for them.
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Personally, I use "feminine" pronouns
when speaking
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and neutral pronouns when writing.
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In general, I tend to say right away
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that I would like to be referred to
with feminine pronouns in conversation.
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If someone doesn’t say it unprompted
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and you want to be sure
to gender them correctly
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you can ask them
what their pronouns are
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or wait and see
how they refer to themselves
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and follow their lead.
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On previous videos I’ve made,
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there were lots of comments
that invalidated our identities
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and denied our gender expressions
and gender identities.
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I don’t read many of these comments
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because I know that most of them are
hateful or extremely tactless,
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and they’re just going to hurt me.
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I participated in a previous report
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where I heard people say that
our identities are just a trend,
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that they only appeared a few years ago,
10 years ago in the U.S.,
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that it was actually about fashion,
particularly unisex fashion, etc.
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That is completely false.
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I think it’s also an exceptionally
white and Eurocentric perspective.
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We see many cultures
that recognize several gender identities
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that were completely erased
during colonization, essentially.
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Quite often we hear that it’s problematic
or annoying to create labels upon labels
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to define and redefine our identities.
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But I think it’s super important
to identify with something
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so as to separate ourselves
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from identities
that were arbitrarily assigned to us.
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I think it’s also necessary
to find community,
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to create connections,
to know we’re not alone,
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that we’re supported,
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Not Synced
that there are other people like us
who understand us, who hear us.
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If I could say just one thing,
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I think it would be that
even if you don’t understand,
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you can still support and stand by us.
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Not Synced
You can learn
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And you can deconstruct
your ways of thinking.
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You can ask your loved ones,
and you can help them
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even if you don’t completely understand
what their gender identity means.
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In addition, all non binary people
express their identity differently.
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Some will transition medically,
take hormones, get surgeries
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while others won't.
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Regardless of whether and how
someone transitions,
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socially, medically, etc.,
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Our identity is still real and valid,
and there are a lot of us.