Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don't understand, you can
always support us and be with us.

Our identity is real and it exists.

My name is Camille, I'm 22 years old.

I'm non-binary and I'm here to talk to
you about nonbinarity.

Nonbinarity is an umbrella term that
includes all the gender identities

that are neither completely masculine
nor completely feminine.

That can be "ungendered" or without
gender which is neutral,

or it can be all the gender fluid
identities, including those

who are gender fluid, demigendered,
pangendered , and so on.

If you imagine gender as a spectrum
with two poles - masculine and feminine -

and a cursor that could be anywhere
between them, it would include everyone

who is gender fluid, demigender,
pangender and so on.

I never really identified with femininity
and when I was 18,

I'd aleady started to question my own
gender identity.

I met a trans man I was with for awhile
and together, we found the words

for my identity, which was non-binary. And
because he knew more about it than I did,

he could help me find the words for
my gender identity.

Gender identity, it's who you are, the
gender that you feel, that you try out.

And gender expression is what you
show to others.

It's the way you explain your identity.

So you can have a gender identity, for
example masculine, so you're a man.

But your gender expression could
be feminine

with lots of markers that our society
considers as feminine.

For example Bilal Hissani, who is a man
with female gender expression.

I told my parents I was non-binary and at
the same time,

that I wanted to change my first name.

I was 20 years old so it was 2 years
ago and my my mom took it very well.

She was already totally up to speed
about questions of gender.

She was sufficiently deconstructed and
I felt very safe, very secure with her.

My dad, that was a little more delicate.
I took more time to talk to him about it.

And in fact I didn't really do that -

I sent him a message because it was easier
for me to handle. And he reacted well.

He said he didn't understand everything
but he'd always be there to support me,

and it that it didn't change anything for
him, he loved me just as much.

For my grandmother, it was loss obvious
because it was a foreign concept to her.

She grew up in the country,
then went to Paris.

She was with my grandfather for 50 years
and was very much cis-heteronormative,

where she never questioned her
identity or that of others.

So when I talked to her about it,
she was a bit surprised,

but she always did the best she
could with me.

She tried really hard. She almost never
made mistakes in my first name.

I'd made a request to change my first name
in 2019, through my town's city hall.

I filed out an application form with
statements from my family and friends

sayimg that they called me Cami.

I asked my school to write a letter
of support, and so on.

Next, I submitted the application.
I waited a few months.

In fact, that varies from city to city,

but my request to change my name
was accepted.

To misgender someone is to speak to them
using the wrong pronouns,

which thus genders a non-binary person
who would have explicitly said

to use neutral pronouns like iel.

And instead people use pronouns that
identify them as feminine or masculine.

Personally, I use feminine pronouns in
speaking and neutral pronouns in writing.

Generally, I say up front that I prefer
that people use feminine pronouns

when they speak to me.
If they don't do that on their own

and you want to be sure that you
indentify their gender correctly,

you can ask them their pronouns or
wait until they identify their gender

so you can follow their lead.

In the videos I made earlier,
there were a lot of comments

that invalidated our identities, that
denied our gender expressions

and our gender identities. After, I read
very few of those comments because I know

that they're usually malicious or very
insensitive. And they just bring me pain.

I've already taken part in a report where
you could hear that it's just a fad,

that it appeared a few years ago.
In the United States, about 10 years ago.

It was related to fashion, like
unisex fashion and so on.

That's completely false and I also think

it's a point of view that's totally
white and absolutely Eurocentric.

Because in so many cultures, there are

several gender identities that were
completely erased during colonisation.

Often enough, we hear it's problematic or
awkward to create more and more categories

for people to self identify and re-self
identify. But I think it's so important,

in the first place, to be able to self
identify with something in order to

de-self identify with an identity
that was arbitrarily assigned.

And I think it's also necessary to find a
community, to create a link,

to know we're not alone, that there's
support, that there are other people

who are like us, who understand us,
who listen to us.

If I have only one thing to say, it would
be that even it you don't understand,

you can always support us and be with us.
You can learn.

You can deconstruct your
patterns of thought.

You can help your friends and family,
even if you don't entirely understand

the impact of what their gender
means to them.

A second thing is that all non-binary
people have different ways

of expressing their identity.

Some will have medical transitions,
some will take hormones,

have operations, other things. And
no matter how they transition or not,

socially, medically and so on,
our identity is legitimate and it exists.

And there are many of us.