Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don't get it

you can always support and be an ally.

Our identity is valid, and it exists.

[Music]

My name is Cami, I'm 22,
I'm nonbinary,

and let's talk about
nonbinary identities.

Nonbinary is an umbrella term

comprising all gender identities

that aren't wholly masculine
or feminine.

That could mean agender

-so "a-", without gender, neutral-

or it could mean any fluid identity.

You can imagine gender

as a two-sided spectrum:

masculine and feminine,

with a slider that moves between them.

Including people who are
genderfluid,

demigender, pangender, whatever.

I never really identified with femininity.

At 18, I had already started

to question my gender identity

and I met a trans man

who I dated for a while,

and together, we tried

to put words to my identity

which as nonbinary.

I think, because he knew more than me,

he knew how to help me find the words

to describe my identity.

Gender identity is what we are.

It's the gender we feel

that we live, that we experiment with.

And gender expression,

that's what we show others.

It's the way we express that identity.

You could have a masculine gender identity

for example:
you're a man,

and you could have a gender expression

that is feminine,

with many markers society deems feminine.

Like, for example, Bilal Hassani,

who is a man
with a feminine gender expression.

(*Hassani now identifies as genderqueer
using he/she pronouns)

I came out to my parents as nonbinary

and said I wanted to change my name
all at once.

I was 20, so...two years ago.

My mum took it well.

She was already well-versed
on the topic of gender.

She had deconstructed her preconceptions
and was very safe.

I felt safe.

My father was a bit more complicated.

I took my time talking to him

and I didn't do it uhm...IRL.

I sent him a message because
it was easier that way.

He reacted pretty well.

He said he didn't get it at all, but,
as always,

he would be there for me
and this didn't change anything for him,

he loved me as much as ever.

For my grandma,
it was a little trickier,

because this was a totally new
new thing for her.

She grew up in the countryside.
Then she moved to Paris.

She lived with my grandpa for 50 years.

She was wound up in a very
cisheteronormative world,

where she had never had to
question her identity

or the identities of others.

When I told her about it,
she was bewildered,

but she's always tried
to do the best she can with me.

She makes a huge effort,

almost never messes up my new pronouns.

I applied for a name change in 2019.

I applied at city hall in the city
I lived in.

I took out a file, filled it in
with testimony from my relatives

saying they used the name Cami
to refer to me.

I asked my school to give me
a letter of support and stuff.

Then I submitted my file.

I waited a few months.

-it varies between locations-

and I was approved for a name change.

Misgendering means referring to
someone using the wrong pronouns.

Like gendering a nonbinary person
who has explicitly stated

"use neutral pronouns like '(s)he'",

and gendering them with masculine
or feminine pronouns.

Me, personally, I use feminine pronouns
in speech and neutral in writing.

And in general, I tend to tell people
right away

that I prefer to be addressed
with feminine pronouns in speech.

Then, if they don't tell you themself,

and you want to be sure to
gender them correctly,

you can just ask for their pronouns

or wait for them to mention their gender
around you to follow their example.

In other videos I've done previously,

there were a lot of hate comments
invalidating our identities

denying our gender expressions and
our gender identities.

I don't read those comments much,

just 'cause I know, overall,
they're malicious,

or very very insensitive,

and they would only hurt me.

I once participated in a report
that tried to frame it as a trend,

to say it started just recently in the US,
about 10 years ago,

that it was really about fashion,
about unisex fashion trends or something.

That's totally false.

I also think that's a really white view,
super eurocentric,

because in so many cultures,
we actually see many gender identities

that were completely erased
during colonization, to be frank.

So often, we hear that its problematic,

that is a pain to create labels
and more labels

to identify and reidentify, etc,

but I think it's super important
to be able to just identify as something

to distance ourselves from an identity
that was assigned arbitrarily.

I think we need to find community,
and build bonds,

to know we're not alone,
that there is support,

and other people who are like us,
who understand us,

who hear us.

If I could say one thing,

I think it would be that,
even if you don't get it,

you can be an ally.

You can learn,
you can deconstruct thought patterns.

You can relearn,

you can help your loved ones,
even if you don't understand

all the nuances of their gender identity.

Another thing is that all nonbinary people

have a different way of expressing
their gender identity,

that there are people who will
transition medically,

who will take hormones,

some will have operations, others won't,

and no matter how
we do or don't transition,

socially, medically, anything,

Our identity is always valid. It's real.

And we are everywhere.