Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don't understand,

you can still
support and stand with us.

Our identities are real
and valid

[Testimonies- non-binary identities]

My name is Cami, I'm 22 years old
and non-binary

and I'm here to speak
about non-binary identities.

Non-binary is an umbrella term

for all gender identities

that are not exclusively masculine
or feminine.

So this includes agender:
the absence of gender

or it can include all
gender-fluid identities.

If we imagined gender was a spectrum

with two ends: masculine and feminine,

Some people move along the spectrum.

There are people who are gender fluid,

demigender, pangender, etc.

I never really identified
with femininity.

At 18, I had already started questioning
my gender identity,

and I met a trans man

that I dated for a while

and together we labelled my identity:
non-binary.

I think it's because he was more
knowledgeable than me,

he was able to
help me find the words

for my gender identity.

Gender identity is
who we are.

It's what we feel,

live, and experience.

Gender expression

is what we show to others.

It's how we choose to
express that identity.

It's possible to have a gender identity,

for example, masculine:

where you are a man,

but your gender expression

can be feminine, with many traits

considered stereotypically feminine
in society.

For example, Bilal Hassini
is a man

with a feminine gender expression.

I told my parents
that I was non-binary

and that I wanted to
change my name

at the same time.

I was 20 years old,
this was a couple years ago.

My mother took the news well.

She was already familiar
with queerness.

She was progressive and
I felt sad with her.

It was a more delicate situation
with my dad.

It took me a bit longer
to tell him

and I didn't do it

in person.

I sent him a message,

because it was easier for me to cope with.

He reacted quite well.

He told me that he didn't
understand everything

but he would always support me.

It wouldn't change how he viewed me,

he would love me the same.

It was harder for my grandmother
to understand

because it was a concept
she was unfamiliar with.

She grew up in the country
then moved to Paris.

She was with my grandfather for 50 years.

She was in a very cis-heteronormative
environment,

where she never questioned her identity

or the gender identity of others.

She was a bit taken aback
when I told her,

but she always tried to

be respectful around me.

She makes tremendous effort

and rarely messes up and uses
my dead name.

I applied for a name change

in 2019.

I submitted a request
to my local city hall.

I filled out a document which included

testimonies of those close to me

confirming they address me by

the first name "Cami".

I asked my school for a letter of support.

After submitting all the documents,

I waited several months,

- the wait time varies amongst city halls,

and my name change was approved.

Misgendering someone

means you're addressing them

using the wrong pronouns.

So you're gendering
a non-binary person

who already explicitly stated

that they use neutral pronouns:
"they' them"

and you're gendering them
as male or female.

Personally, I use female pronouns
when speaking,

and neutral pronouns when writing.

But in general,

I tend to tell people right away

that I prefer being addressed with

feminine pronouns when speaking.

If someone doesn't tell you themselves

and you want to ensure you're
gendering them correctly,

you can ask them their pronouns

or wait for them to gender themselves
and follow suit.

On the videos I've made in the past,

there were a lot of comments
invalidating our identities,

and not acknowledging our gender
expressions and identities.

I rarely read those comments

because I know that they are
malicious or insensitive

and they're meant to cause me pain.

I've done a documentary where they

said non-gendered people were
following a trend

and they've only been seen in the

United-States within the past 10 years;

that it's related to fashion,
unisex fashion.

That's completely false. I think that is

a very white and European viewpoint

because in most cultures

we can find many different
gender identities

that were completely erased
due to colonisation

Often enough, we hear that it's
problematic and uncomfortable

using labels to identify and
re-identify, etc.

but I think that it is super important

to be able to identify ourselves
as something that distances

from the identity

that we were assigned arbitrarily.

I think you need to find a community

to create a bond,
to know that you're not alone,

that you have support,

that there are other people like us,

that understand us, that listen to us.

If I could say one thing,

it would be that even if you don't
understand,

you can always support and be an ally.

You can learn, you can unlearn
ingrained ways of thinking,

you can educate yourself, you can
help your loved ones,

even if you don't understand

everything related to their gender
identity.

My last point is that all
non-binary people

have different ways of expressing
their identity,

there are those who transition medically,
that take hormones,

and undergo gender-affirming surgery,
or not,

regardless of the way we transition,
or not, - socially, medically, etc.

our identity is valid, it exists
and our numbers are growing.