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Even if you don’t get it,
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you can still support and help us.
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Our identity is still valid, it is real.
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My name is Cami, I’m 22,
and I am here to tell you about
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my nonbinary identity.
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It is an umbrella word for
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all gender identities that are not
exclusively male nor female.
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This includes agender identity
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– “a” for the absence of gender,
which is neutral –,
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as well as all fluid identities,
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as if gender was a spectrum
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with two poles: male and female.
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Fluid identity can move around
that spectrum.
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This includes people who are gender fluid,
demigender, pangender, etc.
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I've never really related to femininity.
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At 18, I already started
questioning my gender identity.
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I met a trans man
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that I dated for a while.
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Together, we found words
to express my identity:
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nonbinary.
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I think that because he was
much more informed than me,
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he was able to help me
find the words for my identity.
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Gender identity is what you are,
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it’s the gender you feel,
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the one you live, you experience.
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Gender expression is
what others see in you,
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it’s the way you express your identity.
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For instance, you can have
a male gender identity:
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therefore, you are a man.
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But you can also have
a female gender expression,
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with markers society perceive as female.
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For example, Bilal Hassasni is a man
with a female gender expression.
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I told my parents I was non-binary
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and that I wanted to change my name
at the same time.
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I was 20 years old, two years ago.
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My mother took it very well.
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she was already well-informed
about gender identity.
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She was open-minded and very safe.
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I felt safe with her.
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Telling my father was a bit touchier.
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It took me longer to tell him,
and I did not do it in real life.
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I sent him a message because
it was easier for me to do.
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He reacted well enough:
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he said although
he may not get everything,
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he'd still be there no matter what,
nothing would change for him,
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and that he loved me just the same.
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It was a bit harder for my grandmother
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because it was foreign to her.
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She grew up in the countryside
before coming to Paris.
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She lived 50 years with my grandfather.
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She was used to
cisheternormative environments
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where she never questioned her identity
or anyone else’s.
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When I told her she was quite stunned,
but she always made sure
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to treat me the best way possible.
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She tries her best,
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she almost always uses
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my chosen name.
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I applied for a legal name change
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in 2019.
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I applied to the town hall
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where I was living at the time.
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I filled out an application form
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with testimonies from my friends and family
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attesting they used the name Cami
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to refer to me.
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I asked my school to write a support letter, etc.
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Then, I submitted my application.
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I waited a few months. Waiting period varies by municipality.
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My name change was approved.
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Misgendering someone means
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referring to somebody
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with the wrong pronouns.
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It is when a non-binary person
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explicitly says
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they go by neutral pronouns such as "they/them"
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but you use she/her or he/him anyway.
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I personally go by
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female pronouns in speaking, and neutral ones in writing.
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But generally speaking,
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I tend to tell right away
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that my preferred pronouns are
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she/her in speaking.
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If someone doesn’t directly tell their pronouns
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and you want to gender them correctly,
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you can ask for their pronouns
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or wait for them to gender themselves
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and follow suit.
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On previous videos I made,
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a lot of comments
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negated our identities,
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denied our gender expressions and identities.
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I try to not read these comments
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because I know most of them are
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ill-intended or very clumsy,
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and they will only hurt me.
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I participated in a documentary saying
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gender identity was part of a trend,
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that it came up around
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10 years ago in the U.S.,
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that it also connects to the fashion industry,
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unisex fad, etc.
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This is completely false. It feels like
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an ultra-white, ultra-Eurocentric viewpoint.
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Many, many cultures
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acknowledge different gender identities
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that were completely erased
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during colonization.
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Quite often, people say it is problematic
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or counter-productive to label yourself
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to define and redefine your identity.
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I do believe it is very important
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to be able to identify with something
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so you can cut loose from an identity
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that was arbitrarily assigned to you.
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I think we must be able
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to relate to a community
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in order to bond with others, to not be left alone,
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to feel supported,
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to meet other people just like us
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who get us, who listen to us.
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If had one thing to say,
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it would be: even if you don’t get it,
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you can still support and help us.
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You can learn, you can deconstruct
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your ways of thinking.
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You can research, help your loved ones,
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even if you don’t realize
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the significance of their gender identity.
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Another thing: each non-binary person
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express their identity differently.
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Some people might engage in
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medical transitions, take hormones,
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get surgeries; others might not.
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Regardless of whether and how they transition
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– socially, medically, etc. –,
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our identity is still valid, it is real,
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and there is a ton of us.