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Even if you don't understand,
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you can still support and help.
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Our identity, it is valid
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and it exists.
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My name is Cami, I am 22 years old,
I am non-binary,
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and I'm here to talk
about being non-binary.
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Non-binary is an umbrella term
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that includes all gender identities
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that are neither exclusively masculine
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nor exclusively feminine.
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It can be agender,
so "a" is the lack of gender,
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genderless, which is neutral
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or it can be all fluid identities
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as if we imagined gender
as a spectrum with two poles,
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masculine and feminine.
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We can have a curser that moves.
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All gender fluid people,
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demigender, pangender, etc.
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I have never
really identified with femininity.
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At the age of 18,
I already started questioning
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my gender identity,
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and I met a trans man,
who I was dating
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for some time,
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and together we put
my identity into words
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that was non-binary.
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I believe he had more info
than me,
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which is why he knew how to help me
find words about my identity.
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Gender identity
is what we are.
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It is the gender that we feel, live,
and experiment with.
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And gender expression
is what we show to others.
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It is how we express this identity.
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For example, you can have
a gender identity,
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that is masculine: being a man,
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and having a gender expression
of a woman
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with a lot of qualities
considered feminine in a society.
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Like, for example,
Bilal Hassani, who is a man
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with a feminine gender expression.
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I told my parents I was non-binary,
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and that I wanted to change my name
at the same time.
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It happened two years ago,
I was 20 back then.
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My mom took it well.
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She was already woke on such issues
and super, super safe.
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I felt safe.
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With my dad,
it was a bit trickier.
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It took me a little bit longer
to talk to him about it,
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and I did not do it in person.
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I sent him a text,
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because it was easier for me to handle.
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He took it quite well.
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He said he didn't get fully get it,
but he would be there for me
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and for him, nothing changed,
as he loved me just the same.
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and that he loved me the same.
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For my grandma,
it was a bit trickier
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because it was something
she was not very familiar with.
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She grew up in the countryside.
Later, she moved to Paris.
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She has been with my grandpa
for 50 years.
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She had very cisnormative beliefs,
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which never made her question
her own identity
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or the identity of others.
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When I talked to her about it,
her mind was a bit blown,
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but but she always stayed put
and held herself together
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in the best way possible with me.
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She puts in a lot of effort,
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and she almost never makes mistakes
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in using the preferred name.
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I requested a name change
in 2019.
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I submitted a request
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to the town hall of the city
where I lived.
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I obtained a copy
that I filled out
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with testimonies
from my loved ones
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saying that they would use
name Cami
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when talking to me.
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I asked my school
to write me a letter of support.
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I then submitted my application.
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I waited for a few months.
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Time varies, depending on the town hall.
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And my request of the name change
was accepted.
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Misgendering a person
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means to address them
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with the wrong pronouns,
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so to gender a non-binary person
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that would have specifically said
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to use neutral pronouns,
like ‘they/them’
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and to gender him or her
by using feminine or masculine pronouns.
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I personally use the pronouns
that are considered feminine
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when talking
and neutral ones when writing.
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But it is true that in general,
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I tend to say it right away,
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that I prefer
people to address me
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with feminine pronouns
when speaking/ talking.
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After,
if a person does not do it themselves
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and you want to make sure
to use the right pronouns,
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you can ask them their pronouns
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or wait till that person
self-identifies themselves in front of you
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so that you can address them
with the same pronouns.
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Under the previous videos I made,
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there were a lot of comments
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that invalidate our identities,
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that don’t acknowledge
our gender expressions and identities.
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But to be honest,
I rarely read those comments
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simply because I know
that for the most part,
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they are either malicious
or very, very insensitive,
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and that they will just hurt my feelings.
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I once participated in a report
where you could hear
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that it was only a trend,
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that it only appeared a few years ago,
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10, to be precise, in the US,
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that it really had something to do
with the trend,
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the unisex culture, etc.
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Well, that is completely false.
I think it is also a very white
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and very Eurocentric point of view,
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because in many cultures,
there are multiple gender identities
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that were completely erased
by colonisation,
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to put it quite simply.
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Quite often, we hear
that it is problematic,
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that it is a pain to recreate
more and more cases
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to identify, re-identify, etc.,
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but I think it is super important
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to be able to, in the first place,
identify as something
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in order to unidentify from an identity
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that was imposed on us
arbitrarily.
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I think it is essential
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to surround yourself with a community,
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to to build a rapport,
to know that you are not alone,
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and that there is support out there,
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and that there are other people
like us
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that get us and listen to us.
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If there was one thing I could say,
it would be this:
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even if you don't get it,
you can still support and help.
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You can learn,
you can think outside the box.
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You can get informed
and help your loved ones,
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even if you do not get everything
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about their gender identity.
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Another thing to add
is that all non-binary people
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have a different way
of expressing their identity.
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There are people
who will medically transition,
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who will take hormones,
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who will get a gender-affirming surgery,
while others will not.
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Regardless of the way
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in which we chose to transition or no,
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socially, medically, etc,
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our identity,
it is always valid and it does exist.
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There are a lot of us