Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don’t understand,
you can still offer support and guidance.

Our identity is legitimate and real.

My name is Cami, I’m 22, I’m non-binary.

I’m here to talk about being non-binary.

"Non-binary" is an umbrella term.

It includes all gender identities

that are neither exclusively masculine
or exclusively feminine.

This could be agender, a neutre term,

where the letter "a" means without.

Or this could be all fluid identities

like if we were to image gender

as a spectrum with two poles:

masculine and feminine.

We can picture a cursor

moving back and forth between them—

encompassing those who are
genderfluid, demigender, pangender, etc.

I never really identified
with femininity.

When I was 18,

I had already started to ask questions
about my gender identity,

and I met a trans man
who I was with for some time.

And together, we mapped out my identity
as non-binary.

I think it's because

he was more knowledgable than me
on the subject

that he knew how to help me

find the words to express my identity.

Gender identity encapsulates our existence.

It’s the gender we feel, live,
and experiment with.

And gender expression is how we choose
to present ourselves to the public eye.

It’s the way we can express this identity.

For example, we could have
a masculine gender identity

where we are a man,
and we could have a gender expression

that could be feminine
with plenty of markers

that society considers feminine.

Like Bilal Hassani who is a man
with a feminine gender expression.

I told my parents that I was non-binary,

and that I wanted to change my name
at the same time.

I was 20. This was 2 years ago.

My mom took it really well.

She was up to date
with questions of gender.

She was accepting

and a safe space for me.

She made me feel secure.

The situation with my father
was a little more delicate.

I took a bit more time to tell him
and I didn’t do it in person.

I sent him a message,
which was easier for me to handle.

He reacted rather well.

He said he didn’t understand everything,

but that in any case,
he would be there to support me,

and that it didn’t change anything—
that he would love me regardless.

For my grandma, this was less clear

because this was something new to her.

She grew up in the countryside.

Then moved to Paris.

She lived with my grandpa for 50 years.

She was raised
in a very cis-heternomative mold

where she couldn't ask questions
about self-identity

or about others’ identities.

When I told her,
she was a little taken aback

but she always looked after me
the best she could.

She tries extremely hard,

and now rarely misuses my name.

I sent a request to change my name

in 2019,

to the town council
of the town I lived in.

I received a file
that I filled with testimonies

from my close allies,

saying they use the name Cami
to address me.

I asked my school
to write me a letter of support.

Then, I dropped off my file.

I waited a few months—
this depends on each town council—

then my name change was accepted.

Misgendering someone is addressing them

with the wrong pronouns.

Like gendering a non-binary person
who explicitly said

to use neutral pronouns, like 'them,'

with feminine or masculine pronouns.

I personally use pronouns

that are feminine when spoken

and neutral when written.

But, generally, I tend to immediately say

that I prefer to be addressed
with feminine pronouns in conversation.

If someone doesn’t do this themselves,

and you’d like to be sure
how to address them,

you can ask what their pronouns are,

or wait until the person
uses gendered terms, and copy them.

There were many comments
on videos I’ve previously made

that invalidate our gender identities,
that deny our expressions of gender

and our gender identities.

After, I read very few of them,

just because I knew
that for the most part,

they were malicious
or very, very insensitive,

and that they would only hurt me.

I already participated in a report

where we heard
that we're the effect of a trend.

That it appeared a few years ago
in the U.S., 10 years ago,

and that it was
strongly linked with fashion,

like unisex fashion, etc.

That’s not true at all.

I think that it’s a super white
and eurocentric view,

because, in short,
within the majority of cultures,

we can find numerous gender identities,

that were completely erased
during colonization.

Often, we hear that it’s problematic,

it’s annoying to recreate boxes upon boxes

to identify, reidentify, etc., with,

but I think it’s vital, first of all,
to be able to identify with something,

to redefine an identity

that was arbitrarily assigned to us

I think it’s necessary
to surround yourself with a community,

to create relationships,
to know that you aren’t alone,

that there’s help,

that there’s other people
who are like us,

that they understand us, and listen to us.

If I could only say one thing,
I think it would be:

Even if you don’t understand,
you can still offer support and guidance.

You can learn,

you can deconstruct the blueprint.

You can teach yourself.

You can help those close to you,

even if you don’t understand
all aspects of their gender identity.

A second thing is

that all non-binary people
have different ways

of expressing their identity.

Some people will have medical transitions,

some will take hormones,

some will have operations,
or other steps…

Regardless of how we can transition
or not,

socially, medically, etc.,

our identity is legitimate and real.

And we are numerous.