Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don’t understand,
you can still offer support and guidance.

Our identity is legitimate and real.

My name is Cami, I’m 22, I’m non-binary.

I’m here to talk about being non-binary.

"Non-binary" is an umbrella term.

It includes all gender identities

that are neither exclusively masculine
or exclusively feminine.

This could be agender, a neutre term,

where the letter "a" means without. (add)

Or this could be all fluid identities

like if we were to image gender

as a spectrum with two poles:

masculine and feminine.

We can picture a cursor

moving back and forth between them—

encompassing those who are
genderfluid, demigender, pangender, etc.

I never really identified
with femininity.

When I was 18,

I had already started to ask questions
about my gender identity,

and I met a trans man
who I was with for some time.

And together, we mapped out my identity
as non-binary.

I think it's because

he was more knowledgable than me
on the subject

that he knew how to help me

find the words to express my identity.

Gender identity encapsulates our existence.

It’s the gender we feel, live,
and experiment with.

And gender expression is how we choose
to present ourselves to the public eye.

It’s the way we can express this identity.

For example, we could have
a masculine gender identity

where we are a man,
and we could have a gender expression

that could be feminine
with plenty of markers

that society considers feminine.

Like Bilal Hassani who is a man
with a feminine gender expression.

I told my parents that I was non-binary,

and that I wanted to change my name
at the same time.

I was 20. This was 2 years ago.

My mom took it really well.

She was up to date with
questions of gender.

She was accepting

and a safe space for me.

She made me feel secure.

The situation with my father
was a little more sensitive.

I took a bit more time to tell him
and I didn’t do it in person.

I sent him a message,
which was easier for me to handle.

He reacted rather well.

He said he didn’t understand everything,

but that in any case,
he would be there to support me,

and that it didn’t change anything—
that he would love me regardless.

For my grandma, this was less clear

because this was something new to her.

She grew up in the countryside.

Then moved to Paris.

She lived with my grandpa for 50 years.

She was raised
in a very cis-heternomative mold

where she couldn't ask questions
about self-identity

or about others’ identities.

When I told her,
she was a little taken aback

but she always looked after me
the best she could.

She tries extremely hard,

and rarely misuses my name.

In 2019,

I sent a request to change my name
to the town council

of the town I lived in.

I received a file
that I filled with testimonies

from my close allies,

saying they use the name Cami
to address me.

I asked my school to write me
a letter of support.

Then, I dropped off my file.

I waited a few months—
this depends on each town council—

then my name change was accepted.

Misgendering someone is addressing them

with the wrong pronouns.

Like gendering a non-binary person
who explicitly said

to use neutral pronouns, like 'them,'

with feminine or masculine pronouns.

I personally use pronouns

that are feminine when spoken

and neutral when written.

But, generally, I tend to immediately say
that I prefer to be addressed with feminine pronouns in conversation.