Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don't understand

You can always support

and show up for our identity

It is valid and it exists

My name is Cami, I'm 22 years old

I am non binary

and I am here to talk to you

about nonbinary people

Non binary is an umbrella term

for all gender identities

that aren't exclusively masculine or feminine

so this includes agender

'a' as in the lack of, or without gender

and it is neutral

it can also include all fluid identities

say, we think of gender as a spectrum

with masculine and feminine on opposite ends

we can have a cursor that moves on it

so this would include everyone genderfluid

such as demigender, pangender etc.

I have never identified with femininity

At 18 years old I was already

questioning my gender identity

and I met a transgender man

whom I dated for a while

and we were able to figure out my identity

which is nonbinary

and I think that because he knew

a lot more about this than me

He was able to help me find the words

concerning my identity.

Gender identity is what we are

It is the gender that we feel

with which we live

and experiment

and the expression of gender is

that which we show to others

it is the way in which we express this identity

so we can have a masculine gender expression

that is, a man

and we have an expression of gender that is feminine

with lots of aspects perceived as feminine in society.

For example, Bilal Hassani

who is a man with feminine gender expression.

I came out to my parents as non-binary

as the same time, I told them that I wanted to change my first name

I was 20 years old, so it has been two years

My mom took it really well

she was already quite informed

on the topic of gender

she was open and very very accepting, I felt safe

With my father it was a little more of a delicate matter

I took a little bit more time to talk to him about it

I didn't do it in person

I actually sent him a text message

because it was easier for me to do

and he reacted pretty well

He said he did not understand everything

but that he was there for me regardless

and that it changed nothing for him

he loved me the same

For my grandmother it was a little less clear

As it was something very unfamiliar to her

She grew up in the countryside

Before moving to Paris

Where she lived with my grandfather for 50 years

She was in a very cisheteronormative bubble

Where she had never questioned her identity

or the identity of others

so when I spoke to her about it

she was a little surprised

but she still tried her best

and insisted on treating me in the best possible way for me

She put in a lot of effort

She hardly ever calls me by my old name

I applied to change my name in 2019

I applied at the town hall of the city in which I lived in

I submitted a file that I filled with testimonies of loved ones

to prove that they referred to me by Cami

I asked my school to write a letter of support etc.

Then I submitted my application

i actually waited a few months

It varies across town halls

And I was accepted to change my first name

The act of misgendering a person

Is addressing a person via incorrect pronouns

So to gender a nonbinary person

who has explicitly said to use neutral pronouns

such as the pronoun "iel"

And to just gender them by he/him and she/her

Me personally I perfer she/her pronouns in conversation

and they/them pronouns for writing

And it's true that I generally tell people immediately

that I prefer to be refered to by she/her in conversation

If the person doesn't tell you their pronouns themselves

and you want to be sure you're gendering them correctly

You can ask them their pronouns or wait until the person refers to themselves

to catch how they gender themselves

In videos I previously did

there were many comments that invalidate our identities

and didn't accept our gender and identity expression

me, I don't read many comments

Precisely because I know

that they're often ill intended or tone deaf

And that they will just hurt me

I already participated in a documentary

in which we heard people calling it a trend

that appeared a few years ago and ten years ago in the U.S.A.

That it was tied to trends and unisex fashion etc.

That is not true at all

and I think it's also a very white and eurocentric view

Because we find diverse gender identity in many cultures

that due to colonisation were completely erased

In fact, we heard so often that it's problematic

or annoying to establish labels

Boxes to identify and re-identify oneself

But I believe it's super important to be able to identify as something

To change identities arbitrarily assigned to us

I think that its necessary to find community

Create connection and know we aren't alone

that there is support

and others like us

who understand us

who listen

If I had to say one thing, it would be

That even if you don't understand

you can always support and show up

you can learn

and deconstruct these ways of thinking

you can educate and help loved ones.

Even if you don't understand the extent of what the gender identity entails.

A second point is that all non binary people

have different ways of expressing themselves

There are people who medically transition

those who take hormones

those who have surgery - others don't

and that no matter the way

in which we do or do not transition

socially, medically etc,.

Our identity is still valid

It has the right to exist

and we are many.