Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you do not understand,
you can still support us

and stand by us.

Our identity is valid and it exists.

My name is Cami, I'm 22 years old.
I'm non-binary.

I am here to tell you
about the term "non-binary".

Non-binary is an umbrella term
which encompasses all gender identities

That are neither exclusively masculine
nor exclusively feminine.

So it can be agender,

Meaning "without gender", which is neutral.

Or it can be, all gender-fluid identities.

Like if we imagined gender, like a spectrum
with two poles, masculine and feminine

And having a cursor
moving along this spectrum.

So, all who are gender-fluid,
demi-gender, pan gender, etc.

I have never really identified
with femininity.

When I was 18, I already started
questioning my gender identity.

And I met a trans man
who I was with for some time.

We were able to put words together
to describe my identity

Which was non-binary.

And I think that because he had
much more information than I did,

He was able to help me find
the words to describe my identity.

Gender identity, it is what we are,
it is the gender that we feel

That we live, that we experience.

And this gender expression
is what we show to others.

It is the manner
with which we express this identity.

So we can have a gender identity,
let's say, masculine, so we're a man.

And we're going to have
a gender expression that is feminine

With many characteristics
considered as feminine in the society

Like Bilai Hassani, who is a man

With a gender expression
that is feminine.

I came out to my parents
that I was non-binary

And that I wanted to change my first name
at the same time.

I was 20 years old,
that was two years ago.

And uh my mother took it very well.

She was already very aware
of questions surrounding gender identity.

She was quite deconstructed,
and very, very safe.

I felt safe.

Uh my father,
it was a little more delicate.

I took a little more time
to speak to him about it.

And I didn't do it directly.

I sent him a message, in fact,
because it was easier for me to handle.

And uh he reacted quite well.

He said
that he didn't understand everything

But no matter what,
he would be there for me, to support me

And it changes nothing for him,
that he loved me just the same.

As for my grandmother,
it was a little less obvious.

Uh because it was a concept
that was very foreign to her.

She grew up in the countryside,
then moved to Paris.

She lived with my grandfather for 50 years.

Her ways of thinking
were very cis heteronormative.

She never questioned her identity,
nor the identities of others.

When I spoke to her about it,
she was rather astonished.

But uh she was always uh careful,
and did her best around me.

She made huge efforts,
and almost never makes mistakes

In the use of the first name.

I submitted an application
to change my first name in 2019.

I submitted my application to the town hall
in the city where I was living.

I took a file and filled it
with testimonies from my loved ones

To say that they were using
the first name "Cami" to address me.

I asked my school
to provide me with a letter of support, etc.

Then I submitted my file.

I waited a few months.

In fact,
it varies depending on the town halls.

And my change of first name was accepted.

The act of misgendering a person

Is to address this person
using inappropriate pronouns.

Gendering a non-binary person

Who would have explicitly said
to use gender-neutral pronouns like "iel"

Is actually gender-identifying them
as feminine or masculine.

Personally for me

I use feminine pronouns when speaking,
and neutral pronouns when writing.

But it is true that in general

That I tend to say right away

That I prefer to be addressed
using feminine pronouns when speaking.