Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don’t understand,
you can still be there for us.

Our identity is valid and real.

I'm Cami, I'm 22, non-binary.

I'm here to talk about
non-binarity.

Non-binarity is an umbrella term
for gender identities

beyond male/female.

That could mean being agender,

“a” as in absence,
no gender, being neutral.

Or identities that shift.

Imagine gender as a spectrum
with male and female poles.

Some people move along the spectrum.

Like genderfluid, demigender,
pangender people, and so on.

I never really felt
connected to femininity.

At 18, I began questioning
my gender identity.

I met a trans man I was with for a while,

and together, we found words
for my identity: non-binary.

He had more knowledge than I did,

so he helped me find the words.

Gender identity is who we are.

It’s how we feel and experience.

Gender expression is what
we show to others.

It's how we express our gender identity.

Someone might identify as male,

but express their gender
in a feminine way

with markers seen as feminine in society.

Like Bilal Hassani, a man
with a feminine gender expression.

I told my parents I was non-binary.

I also said I wanted to change my name.

I was 20, so that was two years ago.

My mom took it really well,

as she was already aware of gender issues.

She was open-minded and supportive.

I felt really safe.

With my dad, it was a bit harder.

It took me longer to tell him.

I didn’t tell him in person.

I messaged him, it was easier that way.

He took it pretty well.

He didn't fully understand,
but he'd still support me.

It changed nothing for him,
he still loved me.

It was tougher with my grandma

because this was all new to her.

She grew up rural and moved to Paris.

She lived with my grandfather
for 50 years.

Her world was cis-heteronormative,

never questioning gender identities.

When I told her, she was a bit shocked.

But she always tried
to treat me the best she could.

She’s made a huge effort.

She almost never gets
my chosen name wrong now.

I requested a name change in 2019.

I applied at the town hall
where I was living.

I picked up a form and filled it out

with testimonials from loved ones
who used “Cami” for me.

I also got a supporting letter
from my school.

Then I submitted everything
and waited a few months.

It depends on the city, honestly.

But mine was eventually approved.

Misgendering someone means
using the wrong pronouns to address them.

If a non-binary person asks for
neutral pronouns like “they”

and you call them he or she,
that’s still misgendering.

Personally, I use feminine pronouns
when speaking, neutral when writing.

I usually mention my pronouns upfront.

I prefer people use she/her
for me when speaking.

If they don’t do it first,

and you want to get it right,

you can directly ask someone
or wait to hear the pronouns they use.

On videos I’ve posted before,

there were lots of comments
denying our identities,

rejecting our gender expressions
and identities.

I don’t read them much,

because most are just mean-spirited
or just really awkward.

They only end up hurting me.

I was in a documentary
where they said it was just a trend.

That it started in the U.S.
about ten years ago,

and was really just tied
to unisex fashion.

That's totally false.

I think that’s a very white,
Eurocentric point of view.

Many cultures had multiple genders.

They were completely erased
during colonization.

People often say it’s problematic

or annoying to create new labels
to name or rename your identity.

But it's really important to first
identify with something

to break away from the identity
assigned to us at birth.

Belonging to a community helps you
connect, realize you're not alone,

and find support from others
who understand you.

If I had one thing to say,

it'd be that even if you don't understand,

you can still support and stand by us.

You can learn, unlearn patterns,
and rethink things.

You can question your views,
and help your loved ones.

Even if you don’t grasp the full
meaning of their gender identity.

Lastly, all non-binary people express
their identity differently.

Some medically transition, take hormones
or get surgery. Others don’t.

Whether you transition
or not, socially or medically.

Regardless, all our identities
are valid and real.

And there are so many of us.