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Hi, my name is Darla (?) and I'm a producer here at Pixar Animation Studios
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You know, Pixar is made of just crazy combination of people
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there's mad scientist and dancers and animators and all kinds of unique individuals
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most of those unique individuals weren't the most popular in high school and junior high
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they just weren't, it's just the way it works
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thanks godness we hung around and found each other and created this familiar tribe
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of people, that's created this unprecedented team that makes movie magic
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and so, because of that, because of where we all came from
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we want to share a message of hope with all of you
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I knew at a young age that I was very different
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I started out as a sort of a top boy and I liked to play with the boys and I liked to play with the boys things
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I walked wrong, I talked wrong, I wasn't interested in the right things, I loved show tunes
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I brought my sister's doll to show and tell
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I remember just... just feeling not sure how to do it
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I was able to kind of compartmentalize being gay
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I always felt like if I don't want this hard enough maybe it will go away
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it was sort of all I can do just keep it under wraps, keep it hidden
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one day I was at a dinner table and I was kind of just joking and I made
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like this gesture
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and my brother said dude that's really gay
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and [I was like] no it's not
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and then my parents were like yeah, it's kinda gay !
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I really was faced with this idea that I was really getting me in trouble
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I felt like if I was a lesbian my father wouldn't love me anymore
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so I had a choice to make: would I be true to myself or would i live a life of lies
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I couldn't be myself and show... as much of myself as I could
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there's a sense of invisibility when you're gay because you don't wanna step out
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you don't wanna show too much, not everybody is [...] on Glee
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all my friends from my catholic elementary school got to go to an all girls catholic high school
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but my mother wouldn't let me go, she wanted me to go to a public school, so that I'd be around boys
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the name of the game was I guess to fit in
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when it got thought I put on a show
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every time I had to go on a field or on the cord I was felt ostracized from the rest of the team
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all of the people on the stand were like dike, lesbo and get off the field
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I got harassed verbally and phisically
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they called me faggot and pushed me around
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it escalated to be pretty violent, not only inside the campus of the school, but outside
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I was completely scared and confused
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I thought that being gay meant being alone and being isolated
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and constantly living in fear
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it got to the point where I was so scared of everything and of everyone that I wouldn't actually talk to anyone
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and that was very very terrifying
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and just really really sad, sad feeling. I didn't wanna be alone
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I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to make sense out of the world
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I felt full of self hatred
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I started getting these thoughts that if I'm not around no one would really miss me
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no one would really care
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someone interrupted me from jumping off the roof of my dorm
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I am so grateful to that person today
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because things got so much better
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and I wouldn't have known if they hadn't stopped me
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I would have missed so much of my life
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I would have missed an entire future that was genuine
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I would have missed an authentic way of living
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making your own friends for the firts time
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making or discovering new music
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going to birthday parties with my daughter friends
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a dance group which was super cool I got to travel with them
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walking in to a gay bar and feeling like you really belonged
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I would have missed great friends, great relationships
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I'd lost amazing experiences that you can have with a friend
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I would have missed meeting Colin, my amazing cube mate
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I would have missed my nieces being born, who are the cutiest things ever
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finding my dream job, finding my dream city, finding my dream partner
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the first time I ever got to dance with my boyfriend in public
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meeting the love of my life
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meeting my wife
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getting to experience what that kind of relationship is like
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I don't think I'd be as close to my family now
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I wouldn't, you know, seen my mother come around
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when my mom and I talked about it I felt this huge sense of relief
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you feel it, you don't [...] stay inside your head you're actually feeling it right here
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that was just ... blew me away
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coming out was just like the beginning
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my life is the kind of life I didn't even know it was an option
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I finally started thinking about what being gay was gonna be for me
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I just started by realizing that I had to love myself first
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and it took a while, I think.. just [...]
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I found a new me and it was the right me, this time
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I sort of found that I wasn't alone and that my situation was not that different
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I started to meet people who gave me so much acceptance and love
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people that I wouldn't completely missed out on had it not been for the fact that I was gay
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I got to get married with the love of my life
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we just made six years last week and
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we have a cat
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and we have a lovely little one bedroom place that is ours
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and I get to walk up those nine steps,
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open the door, know that he's home and
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I get to kiss him and hug him when I walk in the door
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and that, that brings me so much joy
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it's been one of the biggest blessings of my life, I've met such wonderful people,
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it made me such a stronger person to be gay and there's nothing I would do
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nothing I would do to change that now
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don't let anyone tell you you're less than zero just because you're gay
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there are lots of people out there who care about you and want to see you live
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so please stay strong and stay in it, it gets better
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tell yourself over and over again that you're ok
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because you are
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and know that... that no matter how hard things can seem
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that you're connected to everybody else going through that same thing
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you will find your place and it will get better, I promise
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I can definitely tell you and I didn't believe it, I didn't think it would ever get better
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but it really really does get better
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focus on the future, don't focus on the problems that you're going through right now
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focus on the greatness of your life that is going to become
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find someone, anyone that you can confide in that you think will support you
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and help you and love you unconditionally
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and if that person is not helpful then drop them immediately and go to another person
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know that somewhere out there you can make a connection with someone else who feels just like you do
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similar to how you do and wants you around
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and wants to give you a big hug and tell you that everything is alright
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and that it does get better
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if I could just come through the screen right now and just give you a big hug and tell you it get better
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I would totally do that
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I promise you that it not only gets better
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but it's so... it's so much more than you could possibly imagine
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it's so beautiful, the things that life has waiting for you
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it will get better, it gets better
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it gets better
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it gets really better
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everything gets better
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it gets better, it gets great