FIGHTING THE ELEPHANT - Ray William Johnson Video

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Here are the links to the full reviews of the content discussed in this video. Please don't harass the video creators or send them hate-messages. If you like what you see on each of their channels, feel free to subscribe to them.
:) Thanx:

Elephant Hits Man: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZKwkGqDIQY&feature=player_embedded

Dude Passes Out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D5o3PYcJoM&feature=player_embedded

WALL STREET JOURNAL VIDEO:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUIr9f2Fob0

Who is Ray?: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204624204577179073123148432.html#articleTabs%3Dcomments
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUIr9f2Fob0

CQOTD: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgDuoTqjDSs

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"RAY WILLIAM JOHNSON" "Ray William Johnson" RAYWILLIAMJOHNSON video videos VIDEO VIDEOS raywilliamjohnson "ray william johnson" rwj equals three equalsthree =3 "equals three" "equals 3" raywiliamjohnson "ray wiliam johnson" "ray williams johnson" "Elephant Hits Man" "Dude Passes Out" "Who Is Ray?"

[ Screaming ]

>> RAY: So this first video is actually someone's vacation footage.

And I guess this group of friends saw some elephants in the jungle

and they decided to get a little too close.

Solid right hook, Manny Pachyderm.

Now, I like this video because illustrates exactly

how dumb human beings can be.

If you see a elephant out in the middle of nowhere

don't go and f*ck with it!

I mean, you remember that old children's book right?

"Don't Fuck With a 2-ton Animal While It's Eating"

by Shel Silverstein.

Now, this video got over 300,000 views in one week

and let me just say, the friend's reaction is priceless.

No, he didn't hit me.

I just decided to run my face into his trunk

and then throw myself as hard as I could

...on the ground.

I mean isn't the elephant a symbol

for the Republican Party?

I haven't seen the Republican Party

slap anything down this hard

since gay marriage.

So our second video looks like

it's from a college where a group of friends

are actually testing out some party trick.

So they're all gathering around this guy

because for some reason

he passes out every time he gets tickled.

[ Frenetic Laughing ]

>> He passes out when he gets tickled.

>>> He's not passed out yet.

[ Girl Laughs Hysterically ]

>> RAY: Now that's what I call "blacking out!"

You know, my mom tickled a black guy once...

and now I'm not sure who my real father is.

Now this video got 400,000 views in just a week.

And don't worry.

Like, he eventually wakes up

but he seems fine.

You know, when I first saw this video

I was like -- Dah! He passes out when he's tickled.

And then I watched it again

and I'm like -- Jesus Christ, dude

you need a f*ckin' CAT scan.

And how come out of his super diverse group friends

it's gotta be the two white people

holding him down?

Why the white man always gotta

hold the black man down?

I mean, I haven't been tickle-raped like that

since I went to Sesame Street prison.

-- That tickles! --

I mean if "Tickle Me Homo" over here ever gets mugged

he's sh*t out of luck.

Everyone's going to know how to beat this guy in a fight.

[ Screaming and Laughing ]

That has gotta be the most adorable

weakness I've ever seen.

Tee-hee-hee-hee. Ugh.

So as many of you guys know

the Wall Street Journal recently

came out with an article about me.

And you know, I appreciate the support.

I really do.

But they got like, a couple of things wrong.

Now, I normally don't address these things

but today you know, I thought we'd have a little fun

and set the record straight.

So first off, they're suggesting

that I make around $1 million a year

and frankly, this is just not accurate.

And then they call me

"a lone comic with a YouTube channel."

Did they mean "lonely comic?"

I work with dozens of people

across all four of my channels.

I mean c'mon.

Like, this is like very public knowledge.

There are credits at the end of every single video.

I like working with these guys.

They help me make more content

for you.

And then they say,

"some media outlets have described him as 23 years old."

Hey! It's not my fault I exfoliate and sh*t

and look all fly... and stuff!

So Forbes -- one media outlet

wrote that I was 23 years old for about an hour

until I corrected them on it

and then they struck a line through it

indicating that it was wrong.

And they also say that

I often give my audience the finger.

All right, maybe just a couple of times.

But come on guys, both times?

You deserved it.

Also, I apparently sometimes dress up as a penguin.

You know, out of over 300 YouTube videos I've made

I've worn a penguin costume...

once...

...for Halloween.

And maybe this is nitpicking

but they say I spike my hair 2 inches high.

Slow news day, I guess.

We measured and my hair is

two and a quarter inches.

Don't take that quarter inch away from me!

I need it!

And where did this reporter, old Emily Glazer...

Where did she get all this information?

Oh, yeah...

"two people familiar with the situation."

And who are these two mysterious people

familiar with the situation?

Oh, and they also made a video

and then they put it up on their

Wall Street Journal digital network.

I've been making video for five years.

I'm not new at this.

And you guys know I'm not a f*cking sensation.

And then they have the gall

to suggest that I'm "foul-mouthed."

I mean what in the sht @ss fcking cck bstard b*lls

are they talking about?

Okay, maybe they're actually right about that one.

And then they misquote the name

of my iPhone app.

A quick search will reveal

that it is "Pimp Hand Strong."

"Pimp My Hand" sounds like Xzibit

got hold of the Hamburger Helper glove

and bedazzled that sh*t!

So, I love that one of the first things

they say is that this is a "family-friendly show."

Then they review one of my videos.

But as they're talking about the video

you can clearly see here, the caption

"I bet you'd like a bag of penises."

Yes!

Ladies and gentlemen,

we successfully got "bag of penises"

on the Wall Street Journal.

But I really love

what the other reporter says at the end of the video.

So yeah, I guess we have

different interpretations of what constitutes "good digging."

But hey... lucky for us

more people watch Equals Three

than subscribe to the Wall Street Journal.

So let me be 100 percent clear about this.

I actually have nothing against the Wall Street Journal

nothing against the author Emily Glazer

it's nothing personal.

I just want you guys to have the facts

and not these inaccuracies.

I mean that's all.

That's why I'm doing this whole thing...

'Cause I love you guys!

But you know what else reports like Stephen Glass?

The comment question of the day

which comes from username BAM!

And they said

>> Clone!

>>> What, what, what?

>> Can you do the comment question for me?

>>> Fine.

Hi Ray, his comment question of the day is

"who would you clone and why?"

>> RAY: Who would you clone and why?

You can leave your creative responses

in the comments section

BELOOWW

...or on Facebook, Twitter, or Google+!

Thanks guys for sitting through

the most serious episode of Equals Three ever.

I'm Ray William Johnson

and I approve this message.

So tell me guys...

What would Ray William Johnson do?

I bet you'd like a bag of penises.

BAG OF PENISES!

I mean if Wu-Tang Clan is in fact

not something to f*ck with.

Hi, I'm Ray William Johnson.

We're cool, Right?

We're homies.

No, I know we really don't -- these things!

But...

[ Laughter ]

That was funny!

You're good.

No, that's solid.

Good digging.

Why the f*ck am I talking like William Shatner?

I mean, what in sht @ss fcking cnt bstard b*lls are they talking about?

Okay, maybe they're actually right about that one.

What's that?

Yeah, it's getting weird.

Like this video!

Oh, that's good!

-- captioning provided by http://superlativerealtime.com --