The Internet is Exhausting Now

[singing] Now we just have to wait!

[Upbeat music]

I had to stop my dance party for this.
I hope you're happy.

Anyone else notice lately how terrible
the internet's getting?

Like, why do I have to keep logging
into things?

I know it's more secure, I just don't like
that things log me out in 2 seconds.

Why are we doing that?
What are we doing?

No more logging into things, please.

My Bitwarden is overflowing.

Also, my algorithm on like Instagram and
stuff is either terrible music

with terrible people in the comments,

or images that are like "2014 Ariana
versus 2024 Ariana."

Thoughts?

This is when the celebrity was 18

and this is what they look like now
at 55.

Thoughts?

"The pose is so cringe though."

"Those poses and facial expressions
are super cringe."

Fellas, is it cringe to stand still
and smile on a red carpet

where you're supposed to be posing
for a camera?

You'll see a lot of the accounts we're
reviewing today

use celebrities as like engagement bait,

and a lot of them will do it to like
promote their own businesses

as if they worked with the celebrity,
but obviously they didn't.

But also tied to this is the whole
like beauty industry just turning into

"wellness influencers" begging you to buy
the thing they're definitely using

on their face every day

and suddenly I only see "buy this, use
this, don't use this,

it's gonna fry your hair off, eat eggs,
don't eat eggs they give you cancer,

use this it'll cure your acne, don't use
this it'll make your acne 10 times worse

and it'll burn off your flesh until you're
just muscle and bones."

[overlapping voices]

And I know the very masculine men
who watch my videos

are probably thinking right not that
this video might not be for them.

Um, no I think you'll like this one.

I think you'll get something out of this
whether you directly relate or not.

I had to go cut my bangs cuz
they were pissing me off.

Maybe take this as a like an insight
into enemy territory,

like a little glimpse into the fuckery
that is a women's Instagram algorithm.

As quickly as the average man's algorithm
turns into like Alpha male shit

because you looked up one workout video
and now it thinks you want to learn about

crypto and brainstorming-

[man in video:] When was the last time you
sat down with a blank piece of paper

and just like brainstormed?
Ever heard of that?

I got a problem? Problem at the top.

Give me a fucking hundred solutions for
that problem.

Oh, I don't know what to-

Chill the fuck out. What's gonna happen?
Relax, G. Relax, G.

[Gabi:] -that's how fast my algorithm
turns into over analyzing my face

because a like a makeup video.

[classical music plays]

I've been seeing more beauty stuff lately
on Instagram

and it's, first of all, it's overwhelming
and exhausting.

[man from video:] Relax, G.

[Gabi:] but it also made me pay a lot more
attention to things like my posture,

my jawline, and not liking how I looked.

Mission accomplished.

Now I've been on YouTube for a little
while now,

and naturally I feel like when you're on
camera this much and you have to stare at

your own fucking face this much,

you kind of naturally want to look
better.

So what a lot of people do, whether
they're celebrities or not,

is they get things like botox, but I don't
want botox in my face

cuz I don't like needles in my face.

It has nothing to do with how I feel about
botox, trust me.

If I could, ooh, I would snatch this shit
up.

But I just have to lose weight,

I just have to get my color palette done so
I don't look gray and washed out I guess.

I just have to drink more water.

I found out I've been drinking half the
amount of water I'm supposed to be drinking

as the average woman.

I just have to lose weight! Wait, I
already said that one.

I just have to do these facial massages
every day.

My nail came off? Me having such like
mishaps with my beauty today

has been quite the metaphor for this
video.

God, being a girl is exhausting.

And like, looking better can mean you feel
better,

unless your nails keep popping off
and your bangs won't cooporate,

but there's nothing wrong with wanting
to look better to feel better,

but sometimes social media just
takes everything way too far.

"SZA's aesthetic transformation before
and after.

In honor of SZA performing with Kendrick
Lamar tonight, at the Super Bowl,

let's see her aesthetic before and after.

Any guesses on what you think she's
gotten done?

Tox, filler, surgery."

You know, me and botox, we're on a
first name basis.

Botox. I just call her tox.

"Comment below."

Does anyone see what the fuck, like,

is anyone honoring Kendrick Lamar by
posting a before and after of his face?

So what surgery do you think he's gotten
done to look better?

Uh, really cool that he performed at the
Super Bowl, though,

yeah that's like cool and stuff.

In honor of SZA, we're gonna psychoanalyze
the shit out of her face.

It is, it's such a big cycle of poop.

It's kinda like the, you know you have a
water cycle?

This is the poop cycle. This is absolute
craziness that we do this.