The Internet is Exhausting Now

[singing] Now we just have to wait!

[Upbeat music]

I had to stop my dance party for this.
I hope you're happy.

Anyone else notice lately how terrible
the internet's getting?

Like, why do I have to keep logging
into things?

I know it's more secure, I just don't like
that things log me out in 2 seconds.

Why are we doing that?
What are we doing?

No more logging into things, please.

My Bitwarden is overflowing.

Also, my algorithm on like Instagram and
stuff is either terrible music

with terrible people in the comments,

or images that are like "2014 Ariana
versus 2024 Ariana."

Thoughts?

This is when the celebrity was 18

and this is what they look like now
at 55.

Thoughts?

"The pose is so cringe though."

"Those poses and facial expressions
are super cringe."

Fellas, is it cringe to stand still
and smile on a red carpet

where you're supposed to be posing
for a camera?

You'll see a lot of the accounts we're
reviewing today

use celebrities as like engagement bait,

and a lot of them will do it to like
promote their own businesses

as if they worked with the celebrity,
but obviously they didn't.

But also tied to this is the whole
like beauty industry just turning into

"wellness influencers" begging you to buy
the thing they're definitely using

on their face every day

and suddenly I only see "buy this, use
this, don't use this,

it's gonna fry your hair off, eat eggs,
don't eat eggs they give you cancer,

use this it'll cure your acne, don't use
this it'll make your acne 10 times worse

and it'll burn off your flesh until you're
just muscle and bones."

[overlapping voices]

And I know the very masculine men
who watch my videos

are probably thinking right not that
this video might not be for them.

Um, no I think you'll like this one.

I think you'll get something out of this
whether you directly relate or not.

I had to go cut my bangs cuz
they were pissing me off.

Maybe take this as a like an insight
into enemy territory,

like a little glimpse into the fuckery
that is a women's Instagram algorithm.

As quickly as the average man's algorithm
turns into like Alpha male shit

because you looked up one workout video
and now it thinks you want to learn about

crypto and brainstorming-

[man in video:] When was the last time you
sat down with a blank piece of paper

and just like brainstormed?
Ever heard of that?

I got a problem? Problem at the top.

Give me a fucking hundred solutions for
that problem.

Oh, I don't know what to-

Chill the fuck out. What's gonna happen?
Relax, G. Relax, G.

[Gabi:] -that's how fast my algorithm
turns into over analyzing my face

because a like a makeup video.

[classical music plays]

I've been seeing more beauty stuff lately
on Instagram

and it's, first of all, it's overwhelming
and exhausting.

[man from video:] Relax, G.

[Gabi:] but it also made me pay a lot more
attention to things like my posture,

my jawline, and not liking how I looked.

Mission accomplished.

Now I've been on YouTube for a little
while now,

and naturally I feel like when you're on
camera this much and you have to stare at

your own fucking face this much,

you kind of naturally want to look
better.

So what a lot of people do, whether
they're celebrities or not,

is they get things like botox, but I don't
want botox in my face

cuz I don't like needles in my face.

It has nothing to do with how I feel about
botox, trust me.

If I could, ooh, I would snatch this shit
up.

But I just have to lose weight,

I just have to get my color palette done so
I don't look gray and washed out I guess.

I just have to drink more water.

I found out I've been drinking half the
amount of water I'm supposed to be drinking

as the average woman.

I just have to lose weight! Wait, I
already said that one.

I just have to do these facial massages
every day.

My nail came off? Me having such like
mishaps with my beauty today

has been quite the metaphor for this
video.

God, being a girl is exhausting.

And like, looking better can mean you feel
better,

unless your nails keep popping off
and your bangs won't cooporate,

but there's nothing wrong with wanting
to look better to feel better,

but sometimes social media just
takes everything way too far.

"SZA's aesthetic transformation before
and after.

In honor of SZA performing with Kendrick
Lamar tonight, at the Super Bowl,

let's see her aesthetic before and after.

Any guesses on what you think she's
gotten done?

Tox, filler, surgery."

You know, me and botox, we're on a
first name basis.

Botox. I just call her tox.

"Comment below."

Does anyone see what the fuck, like,

is anyone honoring Kendrick Lamar by
posting a before and after of his face?

So what surgery do you think he's gotten
done to look better?

Uh, really cool that he performed at the
Super Bowl, though,

yeah that's like cool and stuff.

In honor of SZA, we're gonna psychoanalyze
the shit out of her face.

It is, it's such a big cycle of poop.

It's kinda like the, you know you have a
water cycle?

This is the poop cycle. This is absolute
craziness that we do this.

"Celebs that would look better with
90s brows"

And we go through Jennifer Connelly,
Gal "Cadot," Zendaya.

"Is this satire?" I'm afraid not.

"Millie Bobby Brown hasn't aged; she's
just not using the most flattering color palette.

"Wearing the wrong colors has always been
known to make you look older."

See how much more radiant and youthful she
looks with the right colors and styling?

Dude, if someone used this picture of me
as an example of, like,

how to be ugly and not ugly, I would lose
my mind.

You couldn't have chosen a picture where
she, like, looks ready for the camera?

Come on guys.

"Let the damn woman live! Let her try new
makeup and hair.

She's so young. We all did it.
Good grief."

You would think this might be a one-off,
but this is like- there's a lot of these.

Like why are we so hyperfocused on the
color of her fucking hair?

What year is it?

"Much better, she needs better beauty
advisors."

Okay, guy, really? [laughs] Like-

Now here's an image of a side-by-side of
Ariana Grande and Audrey Hepburn.

A comparison that the person who owns this
account made, not Ariana,

and so, uh, let's compare these two women
that have nothing to do with each other.

"With the big difference that Audrey was
natural beauty and Ariadna is not."

"Audrey had class, with natural beauty."

You know, like Ariana didn't make this
comparison, right?

Instagram loves putting images of like two
people side-by-side

who have nothing to do with each other

and will not put, like, a mean caption
or anything,

but they know what they're doing.

It's giving so much "let's create something
to be mad about."

[man in video:] Relax, G.

I guess also I've been wanting to get my
fashion and personal "brand" cohesive,

and I just want to feel put together.

So, that means I've been seeing a lot of
color palette videos.

A culmination of your skin's undertones,
your natural hair color,

your facial features, can mean that you're
a warm summer, cool autumn, dark winter.

You can also be high contrast, medium
contrast, or low contrast.

What the fuck does any of this mean?

I'm assuming it's kinda like the contrast
of your hair and your skintone,

whether there's a lot of contrast.

For example, I have pretty dark hair and
pretty light skin,

so I would be high contrast.

And we'll get to the color palette stuff,
but like seeing Sabrina Carpenter's

amazing glow-up (I'm just going to try to
sneak Sabrina Carpenter into every video

apparently) like seeing those gorgeous
befores and afters of these celebrities,

and how they snatched their color palette
and makeup and branding,

makes you think like "oh, what kind of
glow-up could be in store for me

if I just tried a little harder?"

I remember when I was kid, there was this
common thing about how green eyeshadow

was supposed to be really nice looking for
your dark brown eyes,

it's supposed to bring them out,

and I tried it, and that shit looked
horrible. Fucking J-14 lied to me.

But overall growing up I didn't really pay
that much attention to fashion, specifically.

I did pay attention to those
eyebrows, though.

Definitely paid way too much attention to
those eyebrows.

But like actually seriously thinking about
fashion and stuff is a

very new thing to me, I promise.

It's not that I wasn't interested in
fashion,

it was that I always had such a difficult
time and no budget

finding clothes that fit me properly and
didn't make me look bad.

It was just too much work so I kinda gave
up.

Like it feels like I've just been putting
in the effort for like aesthetics.

For example, I've been living here for
like a year and so,

and I just refuse to buy a light stand.

Here's a picture of my current setup.

You'll see I have two photo strips taped
onto the wall. One of them's falling off.

And they're both from Creator Clash from
like two years ago. I just haven't decorated.

At least in front of me, the only thing
I've decorated is what's directly behind me.

And like a few other things in the house.
But I'm working on it.

But so the eyebrow thing, that was a
trend in 2016,

and obviously yada yada beauty standards
are changing,

I don't need to give you a fucking essay
on that.

But lately, it has felt that we've- we're
like back in the early 2000s, apparently.

With the level of thin-ness that is now in
trend.

[girl in video:] I used to think there was
just fat and skinny.

Apparently, there's a lot of things that
can be wrong on your body.

[girl 1:] My hairline is so weird.

[girl 2:] My pores are huge.

[girl 3:] My nail beds suck.

[girl in video:] I have really bad breath
in the morning.

[girl 2:] Ew.

[Gabi:] After this whole big body positivity
movement,

we're literally doing this again.

Actually, we were always doing it, but I
feel like it kind of got better,

but then it kinda got worse again,

and now we're in the worst part of
the timeline.

[man in video:] Is it just me, or does
history feel like it's repeating itself?

How toxic body standards of the 90s
promoting fad diets and supplements

that didn't actually work has now been
replaced by "wellness."

75 hard, or I need to drink bone broth
every morning or why this type of sea moss

is the best for your smoothie.

The list goes on and on.

[Gabi:] Adele, Lizzo, Selena.

Fitness is in. And man, have I been
feeling that trend.

And like, of course just cuz Lizzo has
talked about body positivity in the past,

and loving her plus sized body, that doesn't
mean she can't lose weight in general

if it makes her feel better, but I'm
saying that all of this is culminating

into the trend that fitness is in.

But then people will say with their
whole chest that you should be

confident and comfortable in your own body
and feel beautiful,

but then the second that you are actually
confident and feel beautiful in your body

and find yourself attractive, it's
suddenly back to "oh, no. Not like that."

"She really thinks she's hot? Wow."

And now we wonder why there's an
Ozempic epidemic.

An Ozempi-demic.

Clearly, the cast of Hairspray, the movie
musical, has suffered from this trend as well.

"Have y'all ever seen Hairspray?"

"Wow, a tribute to a musical about a plus
sized character with no plus sized representation."

"Goundbreaking."

"You can't pay tribute to Hairspray and
be fatphobic at the same time."

It's not like being plus sized is a core
part of the story.

I mean, quite frankly, I'm just not quite
sure if I'm boy pretty or girl pretty.

Or even deer pretty or fox pretty.

What about wolf pretty or predator pretty?

No, that's actually a thing. I was saying
that as a joke.

There is, there's predator pretty and
prey pretty.

Do I have upturned eyes or downturned
eyes? I literally don't know.

Do I have a cupid's bow or a double
lip line?

Do I need glycolic acid? Do I need
hyaluronic acid?

Do I need retinol? No I shouldn't use retinol;
this is how I get Korean glass skin.

It feels like we're getting even more
analytical, like, scientific about it.

Like now we're analyzing color palettes;
which is fine in small doses.

If some of these things bring you joy and
make you feel more confident,

that's awesome. I like it.

But I've noticed this really annoying
trend of doing this to celebrities,

as if they're dress-up dolls for you to
literally go in and Photoshop

what kind of surgery they need done.

[woman in video:] So, if I was Natalia's
injector, this is what I would do.

[Gabi:] "Giving the Kardashians their old
faces back."

Dude, oh my God that one doesn't even-
that's not even the right angle.

That looks horrendous and it's not because
of their faces.

Oh, see, that's not even the right angle
either. That doesn't even-

And also, you're not taking into
consideration like the lighting or

how they did their make-up at the time.

Like, now they have professional stylists
and like make-up artists

for this photoshoot in particular that
has been highly re-touched,

and you're just pasting on like terrible
old pictures of them.

Not that they look terrible, like the
pictures themselves are not of the same quality.

Like, what is- I don't really understand
the point.

Hey, guys, it's Gabi here, and let's
revert Gabi Belle's face,

before the tons and tons of ugly deforming
surgeries she's gotten to look better

because everyone kept making fun of her
for being ugly as a celebrity in the first place.

Like, I don't know. Is this not kind of
mean?

In the same vein, people also dress up
celebrities and give them a makeover

with the guise that you're just trying to

"give an example of how they'd correctly
follow their color palette"

without any regard about how they didn't
ask for this or want this.

"Sticking to your color palette and making
the right subtle changes can work wonders.

Darker, softly arched eyebrows; winged
eyeliner and a bold lip;

purple is definitely Ariana's color;
warm bronw hair color.

Ever noticed how Ariana Grande looks
stunning in her color palette

but something feels off when she's not?"

"She had such a glow down"

"Glow up or glow down?"

"Most of these are glow downs, especially
Billie, Ariana, and Leonardo."

"She be trying way too hard to act cool
and gay."

"Shit's mad weird and annoying. Her style
got shittier, too."

I've noticed all these pages really
favor making everyone look the same

and also taking away their personal
style.

"What if Lily-Rose Depp wanted a
makeover?"

"Transforming Alabama Barker into an
ethereal girl."

"Dissolve some of the lip and get chin
filler to slim the face."

I'm Googling "Alabama Barker age."

She's 19, and you are saying that she
should get chin filler.

And then people turn around and ridicule
women who get these fillers

when people keep telling them that they
need to get the fillers.

She was born in 2005. That is not chin
filler age.

"Proof you don't need to spend a lot of
money to have a glow up."

"What if we gave Grimes a makeover
while keeping her personal style?"

Yup, you definitely kept her personal
style.

My camera battery died and kombucha
spilled all over my desk

and now my desk is really sticky and
things just keep going wrong.

But God damnit I'm going to finish filming
this video. We perservere.

Oh, that wasn't plugged in. Oh, that wasn't
recording on my audio. [screams quietly]

Also, what if Lily-Rose Depp didn't
want a makeover?

You ever think of that?

"Sabrina Carpenter is not a warm
spring."

I know you were all thinking it, but thank
God my suspicions were debunked.

"Warm tones are too overpowering for her."

"Silver compliments her undertone better."

"Better in cool tones."

"Let's tone the hair to ash blonde."

I feel like I've seen every single one of
these Instagram

color consultants always make people's
hair ash blonde.

Never blonde, blonde's always too strong.

They always tone everything to the middle,
to the average.