Asking vs. Telling

Hi. I'm Bob Hoglund, Senior faculty member of the Willaim Glasser Institute

and president of the Bob Hoglund Incorporated.

The following clip was filmed at Loyola Marymount University in 2007.

This is one of a series of clips to introduce a Choice Theory or

Reality Therapy concept or application.

For more information, please visit my website, bobhoglund.com,

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find out about training opportunities, download podcasts or articles or find out other valuable information.

Thanks for watching. I hope you enjoy the clip.

And I can tell you there are many, many teachers in workshops that get upset

with me for this analogy.

You know, I'm looking around this room, and I see some people that look like

they could lose some weight.

I'm looking around the room, and I see some people that look like they

could be getting a little more exercise. I'm looking around the room, and I see people

that obviously should be getting more sleep.

You're some pretty unhealthy looking people.

Now, as I say those things, what are you--what's going on in your head?

Seriously, a couple of you answer.

"How dare me!" Yes? Same thing?

[laughing]

Come on! There's got to be more. I know you guys were more upset than that.

I can take it.

Woman: Speak for yourself!

Bob Hoglund: Okay. Speak for--oh, what do you mean? Let me...

Okay, some people with say, "Yes, you're right."

But the majority of people, even if they think that you're right--

Are you still defensive?

But watch what happens if I ask you--

How many of you believe that you would be healthier if you either

ate more healthily or lost a little bit of weight?

How many of you believe that getting some sleep on a regular basis would be good for you?

How many of you believe that if you could exercise more regularly

or like in my case for many years, I just ran and ran and ran

and I never worked on my upper body.

But it's when we ask people to decide for themselves how they want to live their life.

And even with my students. Again, out of context, some of these things sound weird.

But kids would come into my room and other students would say,

"Do I have to really do this work?"

And the other students would say, "No, it's your choice."

But what's the implication? You're not going to get credit if you don't do it.

But what's the difference if I'm standing over them saying, "You gotta do it!"

It's not different than saying, "You gotta lose weight!"

And, you know what? Let's go back to that 14-7 where the kid cut the number of referrals in.

"I want you to lose 7 pounds tonight.

It's not going to be good enough because you should have lost 14."

If we can't do it with diet and exercize, why do we expect a 6 year old, an 8 year old,

a 10 year old, a 12 year old, a 16 year old to change immediately?

And quite honestly, that keeps me humble somtimes when I'm talking to the kids.

If I can't even keep my own weight, my own exercize routines,

who am I to talk about their study habits when maybe they're not that good

with something? Or they don't have somebody at home to help them with that work?

The question is, is that work important to them and

if it is, how can we help them keep moving?

So, evaluation questions.

You'll notice that were non-critically to help people evaluate.

The minute I put criticism in there, you balked.

When I asked, the whole expressions changed.

And so you're asking people to place a value or importance on a thought, a choice

[voice over]: ...or a behavior.