The Art of Embracing Loneliness | Thich Nhat Hanh (short teaching video)

Good morning, dear sangha,
today is the 13th of December 2012,

and we are in Full Moon
Meditation Hall, New Hamlet

in the winter retreat 2012-2013.

Last time we spoke about home.

We know that once we are home 
we no longer feel lonely

if you're at home, warm,
comfortable, safe,

fulfilled.

Home is a place where
loneliness disappears.

But where is home?

The Buddha said it very clearly
that home is in us,

and there is an island
that you have to go back to:

the island of self.

This is a practice, not a theory.

Loneliness is the ill-being of our time.

We feel very lonely even if
we are surrounded by many people.

We are lonely together.

There is a vacuum inside of us 
where you don't feel comfortable...

With that kind of vacuum,

we try to fill it up by connecting
with other people.

We believe that when you can
connect with other people,

the feeling of loneliness
will disappear.

And technology supplies us
with a lot of devices

in order to connect...
"stay connected."

We always stay connected,
but we continue to feel lonely.

We check email several times a day,

we send email several time a day,

we post messages,
we want to share and we want to receive.

We get busy during the whole day
in order to "connect,"

but that does not help with
reducing the amount of loneliness in us.

This is what's happening in the present 
moment in our modern civilization.

Our relationship

is not good.

We are not in good relationship
with our partner,

with our brother, with our sister,
with our parents, with our society.

We feel very lonely.

And...

we tried to use technologies
in order to dissipate...

that feeling of loneliness,
but we have not succeeded.

In the tradition of Plum Village,
every time we sit down

on a cushion,

that is to connect with ourselves.

Because in our daily life
we are disconnected with ourselves.

We walk, and we don't know
that we are walking.

We are there, but we do not know
that we are there.

We are alive, but we do not know
that we are alive.

We are losing ourselves.

We are not ourselves.

And that is happening...

almost all day long.

So the act of sitting down
is an act of revolution.

You sit down and
you stop that state of being:

losing yourself,

not being yourself.

And when you sit down,
you connect to yourself.

And you don't need an iPhone
or a computer to do that.

You just need to sit down mindfully
and breathe in mindfully.

And in a few seconds
you connect with yourself.

You know what is going on:

what is going on in your body,

what is going on in your feelings
and your emotions,

what is going on
in your perceptions, and so on.

You are already home

to take care of home.

You have left home for a long time...

and home has become a mess.

So going home means to sit down,
be with yourself and connect with yourself,

and accept the situation as it is.

It is a mess, yes, but I accept it.

Because I have left home
for a long time,

I have allowed things
to happen like that at home,

now I am home, I will...

rearrange everything.

And with my in-breath and out-breath,
my mindful breathing,

I begin to smile at everything,

and I will tidy up my home.

I allow my body...

to release the tension

while breathing in and breathing out.

And the Buddha taught me
how to do that,

how to breathe in and
how to release the tension in my body.

I'm aware of my feeling of loneliness,
of sadness, of fear, of anxiety.

I smile to the feeling of loneliness, 
of fear, of anxiety.

I say:
"My dear loneliness,

I know you are there.
I hope to take care of you."

And you make peace with your loneliness;

you make peace with your fear.

There's a wounded child in you.

You recognize her or him, and
embrace him or her tenderly in your arms.

That is the act of going home
and taking care of home.

Every time you make a step,

whether you are breathing in or 
breathing out, go back to yourself.

Every step brings you home
to the here and the now

so that you can connect with yourself,
your body, your feelings.

And that is a real connection.

And you don't need
a lot of technology to do that.

And this is the revolution,
this is the...

the way to heal ourselves
and our society.

We are losing ourselves.

We are lost.

We have to find ourselves again.
We have to go home.

And Christmas is a time
when we have to practice Going Home.

There is a illusion of connection:

you think with that technology,
with these devices, you can connect.

But you cannot really connect.

How can you connect
with another person...

when you cannot connect
with yourself?

So the teaching of the Buddha,
going home to the island of self...

is the way to heal our society,
to heal ourselves.

With the act of breathing in,

you go inside.

The way out is in.

When you take a step,
you go "in" yourself

because that step brings you home
to the here and now,

helps you to connect with your body.

Your body is your breathing;
Your body is your feet;

Your body is your lungs.

And you are connecting with body,
with feet, with breaths, with lungs...

You are home,
because body is part of your home.

When you spend two hours
with your computer...

you forget entirely
that you have a body.

And without your body
how can you be alive?

So in Plum Village many of us...

program a "bell of mindfulness"
in our computer,

and every 15 minutes
we hear the bell,

and we stop working,
we stop thinking,

we go back to our in-breath,
we enjoy breathing in,

we connect with ourselves
and we smile.

We become alive again.

We know that we have a body,
which is a wonder.

Our body is a wonder.

And "connect" is, first of all,
connect with body.

And then there is a feeling.

Whether that is a feeling of sadness
or anger or loneliness,

it is us.

We connect with
our in-breaths and out-breaths,

and then with that mindful in-breath
we connect with our feelings.

We smile to our feeling.

We say, "Don't worry. I'm home.
I'll take care of you."

And you embrace your feeling with tenderness
whether it is fear or anger or loneliness,

and warm up ourselves
with that kind of practice.

This is an act of going home truly,

and you don't need
a technological device to do so.

Be a home for yourself.

The Buddha said,
"Be an island unto yourself."

"Attadipa saranam" -
Taking refuge in the island of self.

That is the practice
recommended by the Buddha.

When you walk from the parking lot
to your office,

why don't you go home
with every step?

Why would you continue
to think, to worry, to suffer?

Every step can bring you home.
You walk like a Buddha.

You walk like a free person.
And that is possible.

You recover yourself,
you connect with yourself

with every step.

And freedom is possible.

And you are liberating yourself.
You are not losing yourself anymore.

You connect with your body,

you connect with your feelings
with every step.

And every step brings you freedom.

And if you can find a home for yourself,

you can help your partner

to find his or hers

because she is lonely also,
he is lonely also.

And he is looking for home,
for some warmth, some safety.

That is why

once you have got a home

you can go to your partner...

you can go to the other person.

Since you have a home,

you are in a position to help him
to have a home also.

And you are confident

because you know how to:

how to connect with yourself,
how to have a home for yourself.

So that confidence in you
will inspire him or her to do the same.

She can find a home in you,

and then she will lean on that
in order to build a home in her.

But before you can go
to him or her to help,

you have to help yourself first;
you have to connect with yourself.

And when you have been able
to connect with yourself,

then the next step is possible...

will be successful
to connect with the other person.

Without the first step,

the second step is not possible.

And you don't really need
an iPhone or something like that.

You need your eyes to look at him
with compassion.

Even if she is not in the same town,

you can connect with him or her easily

because you are already yourself,
you are already home.

And whatever you say,
whatever you think,

will help her to recover herself.

Then when she is able
to go back to herself,

your relationship becomes
a real relationship

because both of you have home.

And that's why
when you come together

you find home in each other
at the same time, as in each of you.

And this is a collective home
for both of you.

There's a home here, there's a home here,
and there's a collective home here.

This is the base of everything.

If you want to help society,

if you want to help community,

if you want to help your country,
then you have to base on this.

When you have a true home,
you have happiness, safety, fulfillment,

then you are in condition to go...

to another.

whether they are an individual
or they are a society,

or a group of people.

This is the way
prescribed by the Buddha.

Everything has to begin with yourself,

and the teaching, the practice
is very clear.

Every breath, every step, every sitting,

every action like drinking, cleaning,

if done in mindfulness,
help you to go home

and to enjoy the wonders of life
around you and in you.

Your body is a wonder...

and the hill, the clear streams of water,
they are all wonders.

And they have the power to heal.