Coupling season 1 episode 1 part 1/3

So you're really gonna do it.

Oh yeah. This time.

Did he say what he wanted?

Not a word.

Maybe he's gonna propose

You think she knows you're gonna dump her.

She ought to by now. I've dump her last four times I've seen her.

So what goes wrong?

We have sex.

You have sex?

She makes me.

How?

She suggested it.

She suggested it?

Exactly

Evil.

You said you had a fantastic time last weekend

Yeah.

Maybe he's thinking, you know

One swallow doesn't make a summer.

So last time I dumped her. We had like amazing, fantastic, borderline illegal sex.

Then she thinks we're back on.

Well, that's ridicious.

I know. One swallow does not make her my girlfriend.

Maybe you should marry him.

It's not like that. It's very causal.

It's really just sex with a fringe of conversation.

What if he's your last ever man?

What if you've used up your goes?

Remember. Every morning your face has slipped a little bit more.

Since 30, I've had to put a daily limit of facial expressions.

I've only ever smile at single men.

So I can justify the loss of elasticity.

Is that how your minds work all the time?

The only reason I work is so I stop worrying about my hair.

and this's from my beautician.

Which reminds me, facial Wednesday evening.

Yeah, well, just don't count everytime you find a wrinkle.

Do I do that out loud?

You've got a running total in my file.

Sally, does it ever occur to you that

age brings wisdom and greater confidence.

Susan, age brings you more to shave.

So you dump her and then she does the suggesting thing?

Yea, you know, I'll be just about to leave and I'll be thinking I'm finally out.

She just leans over, looks me in the eyes and goes, "I'm wearing stockings"

No. -And she's never wore it before.

Not one in the entire relationship.

I begged.

Yea, but Steve, you're entitled to her stockings.

Am I?

Yeah, you're still in the zone.

The what?

The boy friend zone.

This is a tailing off period.

You still get a load of stuff in her flat.

You might still have a wedding to go to together.

You're under joint headings in your friends' address books.

And that means I'm entitled to see her underwear.

If it's come up, that's the rule of the zone.

Good luck in there, Steve.

You're a strange and disturbing man, Jeff.

Steve

Do you know what I call this kind of woman,

You know, the type you can't get rid of?

Is this gonna be really tasteless?

Am I gonna be ashamed to be your friend?

This is a technical term.

Just a harmless expression.

Alright. Hit me. -Unflushable.

Turn around Jeff, walk away.

You know , 'cause they keep bobbing around.

No. No. You go, Jeff, go! go.

Don't look back. Go!

Hi, Patrick.

Hi Susan

Hi Steve.

Jane.

Until my sister said "No", so I said "Yes".

And then she said "No" again, so I just said "Yes". But then she said "No"

so I said "Yes. Yes.Yes".

How does this story end exactly?

She said I had an answer for everything.

Wise.

And I just said "Yes".

Jane.

Okay, listen to me, okay?

I know I've tried to say this before,

and I know I've never seemed to get anywhere

But this time, Jane, I'm gonna put it very very simply.

It's over between us.

You want us to split up?

Yes.

Yes I do.

I don't accept.

What?

I don't accept it.

No,no,no. You can't not accept it. I'm breaking up with you.

Don't I get a say in it?

Of course you don't.

Well then if I don't get a say in it, then I don't accept it.

Anyway, and my sister just looked at me and she said "No","No","No".

Mary Kelly does not fancy you.

I can tell from the way she acts around. And she finds me attractive.

Is there any form of female behavior you don't interpret as finding you attractive

It's never really come up.

If you two are finished, I thought you wanted to speak to me.

Yea.

Yea, I do. Could you give us a minute?

Mary Kelly thinks you're a complete idiot.

Then why does she keep looking at my eyes when we're talking?

She's lip reading.

We need to talk.

Sure.

About our relationship.

I'm just starting to think it's all getting a bit hot and heavy and,

we both need to back off and cool down.

You know maybe we should just both think about where everything is going,

or whether we're starting to commit more than we intent to.

Or want to.

What relationship?

Then my sister said, "Absolutely not."

So I said, "Absolutely Yes".

Doesn't matter whether you accept it or not.

It's over. You're dumped.

Look. It's not you, okay.

It's me.

Then why am I the one that's getting dumped?

You should be the one that gets dumped.

Exactly.

It's all my fault.

So dump me.

No.

What?

We can work on your problems.

I can't believe you.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

I just never thought it as our relationship as such.

I just thought we're having a bit of fun, a bit of sex.

Yeah, that's what I thought. I mean, that's pretty much

pretty much the way I see things.

Well there you are then. I mean, it's not as if we've been faithful or anything.

Oooops!

You've got to let me out,please!

Look. Why don't we give it a year?

Because if we give it a year, I will end up horribly murdering you

and hacking up your body.

Okay. How long do you suggest?

I'm so sorry. I have no idea.

It's fine.

We weren't seeing each other once a week.

That's not exactly a sex life.

You must be doing a lot of, um, solo flights.

No, I wasn't

Oh come on.

I certainly was not. I was saving it all up for you. -Oh really.

Ooops.

Some relationships are supposed to end.

There're some relationships that the world is better off without.

Remember Crippen?

Here we go. Bring up Crippen again.

You seem to forget the Crippens enjoyed many happy years of marriage

before he murdered her.

Please. Listen to me.

They didn't just give it up straight away. They worked at it.

That's the real lesson of the Crippens.

He killed her, and was hanged for her murder.

Yes. Eventually.

Look, I'm not saying it wasn't good.

I'm just saying it didn't seem like a week's worth.

No, don't look like that.

Not everyone has my level of sex drive.

I mean for start, you're a bloke.

Alright! Alright.

I wasn't going to say anything.

But actually, I've been seeing someone else, too.

You've been cheating on me?

What?

Is this true, Patrick?

But you're cheating on me.

I wasn't cheating.

I wasn't being faithful

You were being faithful. And that's mean you're cheating.

And I thought I knew you.