Mind Your Language Season 2 Episode 4 Many Happy Returns

There you are love
Thank you

Sugars on the table

Give us a cup of tea, Glad

One of these days Sid,
you'll actually buy one

And I'll drop dead of shock

- Buy one?
- Yes

Free tea is one of the
perks what goes with the job

There 'Ow are you fixed
for a quick touch?

- I beg your pardon?
- I mean money

I'm a bit glacier mint

You're always skink Sid!
I'm sorry! No

- Hello lads - Hello Sid

How are you, my old Japan?

- Japan?
- My old Japan

Your rhyming slang meaning friend

Not Japan!
China, china plate - mate

Jelly good

- I don't suppose any of you could...
- No Sid

- It's only till pay day
- No understand

- Sorry please
- It's alright

Gladys, give us that pack of
cards from under the counter

I'll get some money somehow

What are you going to do?

A little game of find the lady

Nobody might want to play

They'll be enough to play when
I give them the old come on

Come on what?

- You know I've got a
quid till pay day - Yeah

If I get somebody to win that, it
can't stop! It never fails

Now all I've got to do now
is find a mug

- Coffee please
- Hello mug... Max

- Max, would you...
- No Sid

No, no! I'm not trying to tap you

- I thought you might fancy a game
of cards - I don't like to gamble

Don't be silly! It's just a bit of fun!
Come and sit down! Enjoy yourself

This is called Find the Lady!

The lady is a queen! Now there's a
queen and there's the other 2 cards

What I do is I shuffle them about

And the object is to see if
my eyes could deceive your eyes

The quickness of my hands
deceive your eyes

- Where is it? - There

Oh you're right! Very good! You
have good sharp eyes, haven't you?

Sure I have

You would have another go! Yes?

- Where is it? - This one

Twice on the turn! You are
very very good, aren't you?

- Pretty smart, eh? - No
one's ever beaten me twice

I'll tell you what! If we had any
money, you'd have one two quids now

- Two quids? - Yeah

- Do you want to try again?
- Hockay

- Only this time, I bet a pound
- I thought you said you don't play

My father he teach me
two rules of gambling

First rule,
always bet on a certainty

- You want this pound? - Yes,
there's nothing wrong with that

Why not?

Now there's the queen!
There's the cards!

- Where is it? - This is the lady

Three times on the trot!
That's fantastic!

I like this game Sid

- Do you like it? - Yes

- Good! Double or Quits?
- Quits

What?

- I dont want to play
anymore - But you can't do that

The second rule my father tell me!
Always quits when you're winning

Good evening please

Ah Ranjeet! You're late! I
thought you weren't coming!

You missed first half of the session

A thousand apologies but I am
falling asleep on the underground tube

I am going right past
my getting off stop

- And not waking up until
Cockiefosters - Cockiefosters?

- Perhaps you're working too hard
- I am working three times too hard

What do you mean?

Well my proper job is working on
the underground railway tube

And I'm working the
early morning shaft

- I think you mean shift
- That is correct

I am working from six o'clock morning
time until two o'clock afternoon time

Then I'm doing other job for garage

Pumping the petrol until
six o'clock evening time

Even allowing for the
time you spend here

You could still have eight hours sleep

Oh no, when I am leaving here,

I am working in public house
until after the midnight

I think you're overdoing it Ranjeet

All work and no play
makes Jack a dull boy

This Jack,
is he having three jobs also?

It's just a saying!
Why are you working so hard?

I'm saving up for the airplane

- You want to buy an airplane?
- No, no

Just a ticket, to Punjab

You're not leaving us, are you?

Only for one weekend

My mother is being sixty
years old this week

So I am giving her the
big surprise of myself

I am now having the
money for the airplane ticket

Two hundred and thirty
English pounds

That's a lot of money
to carry about Ranjeet

You could get mugged
on your way home

You are speaking absolute wisdom

- Here, you keep for me
- Me?

Most definitely,
then if I am being mugged

The mugger man will not find money

- It's too big a responsibility
- Please

You keep for me until tomorrow

- Then I buy ticket
- Very well

Thousand thank you

Right! Come along everyone!
We have a lot of work to do

Quickly now! Go on

Right! Now, for the rest of this
evening, we're going to have a debate

Can anyone tell me what the
word debate means

And I don't want to hear anybody say
debate is what you put on the fishing line

Can anybody tell me what a debate is?

Come along! Su Lee, what
is parliament noted for?

Collupt poriticians making unjust
raws to oppless working crasses

Agreed! We call that debating

Quite simply it means to
discuss or dispute a given subject

That is what we are going to do

Do you understand what we
are talking about Zoltan?

We're going to have a debate,
an argument

- Fight?
- No, no

Not with fists, with mouth

- Kiss
- No, with words

Just do your best to follow us

Now the first thing we need to do

is find somebody to chair the debate

- I'm good at that
- Have you done it before?

Sure, every Saturday, I
go to chair my football team

I'm talking about chair, not cheer

- Scusi
- Right

I shall be the Chairman

- Now what subject shall we debate?
- Girls

Girls is not a subject

Subjects for debates are
in the form of questions

For example, should men and
women have equal pay for equal work?

Should capital punishment
be brought back?

Should Enoch Powell be deported?

Thats the general idea

For our debate, I think we'll
take the subject of Television

Is Television a good or bad
influence on the community?

Now we need two proposers
and two opposers

In other words, two to
speak for good and two for bad

- How about you Juan?
- Por favor

- Good or bad?
- Sometimes I'm good

Sometimes I'm bad

Not talking about you personally Juan!

Do you think television is good?

Sometimes good, sometimes bad

Make your mind up Juan

In a debate,
you can't sit on the fence

Not sitting on fence!
Sitting on chair

Look forget I asked you

- What you ask me?
- Forget it

How can I forget if I don't remember

- Never mind
- Alright

- Taro you can be the 1st proposer
- Ah so

Now we need a lady, Jamila! You
can be the 2nd proposer

Now two opposers

- Ali, How about you?
- Yes please

And Danielle

- Am I good or bad?
- Bad

I like being bad! Because
when I am bad, I'm very good

Just remember, we're talking
about television

Now, pay attention everyone

Taro will speak first with the proposition
that television is good for the community

- Go ahead Taro
- Ah so

Television is very goodo for everyone

More people watcho,
more people buyo

And Japan make besto television

Japan make besto everything

- Cars, cameras, radios...
- Thank you Taro

Remember you're speaking about
television not doing a commercial for Japan

Ah so

Television is goodo for teaching

I learn many English words
from televisiono

Like 'what a gay day'

And 'Don't forgeto fruito gums mum'

Thank you Taro

Danielle, would you please
present your case against television

Oui

I think television is very bad

Because it makes people stay up
at night

Instead of going to bed to make love

Not everybody wants to go
to bed to make love

That's right! Sometimes, it's
much better to make love outside

In Sweden,
we make love everywhere

I think we're getting...
You do that?

Getting off the subject!
Now, come along!

Make love much better proposition
than television

Stick to the point please Danielle

I think television is very bad
for the eyes

Yes and also bad for the legs

- Legs? - Sí

My brother Miguel, he had
bad legs from his television

Juan, how can your brother have
bad legs from his television?

He dropped it on his foot

I shouldn't have asked

Carry on Danielle

I cannot think of anymore to say
after this

Jamila, would you like to present your
case for the good of television?

I like very much television

The television makes people
happy with many good programs

Like Carnation Street

- Coronation Street
- Yes

Last week, I am watching
This Week

How can you be watching
this week last week?

This Week is the name of
a programme, Ranjeet

A thousand apologies

And also, television is for free

- You have to buy the licence
- What licence?

- Haven't you got a television
licence? - No, no need licence

- I'm sorry Jamila but you do
- No

Look Jamila, it's an
offence not to have a license

If the detector van comes
round you could be heavily fined

- No
- Don't argue Jamila! It's the law

- Not for me - Why not for you?

No have television set

Watch next door!
They have licence

Thank you Jamila

- Ali, your turn
- Jolly good

I am thinking television is very bad

Because it is showing too
much of the violence

- A good point
- Thank you

Last night, I am seeing
somebody being drowned, then shot

And then having their heads
chopped off

What was that? The Professionals
or Starsky and Hutch?

Tom and Jerry

Excuse Mr. Brown, can you
spare me a moment?

Just a minute Miss Courtney

We're running in the middle of
an interesting debate

- Could you wait just a minute
please? - Certainly not

- Very well! Giovanni, out here
- Certainly sir

- Would you take the chair?
- Sure

- No I mean will you chair the debate
- Scusi

Let Ali finish, then throw it open! Give
everybody a say then take a vote

If I'm still not back by then, you
can dismiss the class and go home

Hokey

Okay, you heard what Professori said

Ali's to finish

We have a talk, we have a vote

- Then we go home, ok?
- Alright

- You finished Ali?
- No I haven't

- I was... - You finished

Anybody wanna talk?

Ok, we take a vote

Everybody thinks Tv's okay,
put up hands

Everybody who think Tv's
not ok, put up the hands

We call it a draw!
Class dismissed

Going somewhere?

Would you care for a drink
Miss Courtney?

No thank you Mr. Brown

I want to get to the Post
Office to catch the last post

I wonder if you'd post a letter for me

- Yeah certainly
- Good

This is the one

- Good night Mr. Brown
- Good night

- Another day done, Sid
- Worse luck

- I'm always glad to get home - You
wouldn't be if you lived with my missus

- Oh hello
- What's the matter?

Here! It's full of bees and honey

- I wonder whose it is
- I know whose it is now

Don't you think you ought to
take it into the police station?

Don't be ridiculous!
It's finders keepers!

Enter!

Mr. Brown

- Hush
- Don't you shush me

Miss Courtney,
I'm in terrible trouble

You certainly are!
You're ten minutes late!

Worse than that! I lost 230 pounds that
Ranjeet gave me to look after

- How on earth did you manage
to do that? - I have no idea

It must have fallen out of my
pocket! I've looked everywhere

I went to the police to ask
if anyone had handed it in

They just laughed

- What am I gonna tell
Ranjeet? - The truth Mr. Brown

You'd better do it in private

You can use my office!
I'll send him to you

I suppose the direct approach
would be best

Ranjeet, I've lost your money

No, that's too harsh! I
should soften the blow a bit

Ranjeet, come in

Have a seat!
Would you like a cup of tea?

Ranjeet, I have something to tell you

- Are you sitting comfortably?
- No, I'm standing up

Ah Ranjeet, come here and sit down

Have a cup of tea

- There isn't any tea
- I'll go and get you a cup

Miss Courtney said you have
something to tell me

Yes Ranjeet, I am human,
you are human

And human beings are fallible!
I am fallible, you are fallible

Oh no, I am Punjabi

What I am trying to say Ranjeet is...

I've lost your money

Did you hear me?

The money you saved to go and
visit your mother! I've lost it

Ranjeet

I'm sorry Ranjeet

- Good evening
- Hello Sid

You look as if you've lost a
hundred quid and found ten p.

There's many a true word
spoken in jest

Come on! Cheer up

- Have a cigar
- No thanks

- Things can't be that bad
- They're worse

Look at me! Yesterday
I hadn't got change for 1/2 p

Today, I could lose
a tenner and not notice

You couldn't lend me two hundred and
thirty pounds, could you?

No chance

That's all there was in the envelope

- What envelope? - The envelope
I found outside the school

- You thief
- What are you talking about?

That was Ranjeet's money!

- You still got it?
- Yeah

Why didn't you hand it in?

- Wait, what are you doing?
- Ranjeet, we found your money

Praise to the Holy Guru

I will be able to be visiting
my mother

Oh, she'd be so happy
to be seeing me

There's only one hundred and
thirty pounds in here

That's right

- Where's the other hundred?
- Here

- What is this? - A betting slip

I put in on Rainbows end on the
6:15 in the night race at Windsor

6:15! We can still make it lads! Come
on everybody quickly! Quickly

Mr. Brown, what is going on?

We're just taking an early tea
break in the betting shop

6:15 at Windsor

The horses are lining up for
the start and they're off

Come on Rainbows End

And right away it's
Ernies Boy in the lead

Followed by Debs Delight, Golden
Wonder and Skylark

Then come Royal Peacock
and Slimline

Where is Rainbows End?

And bringing up the rear is
Rainbows End

And that's the order at the bend

With Debs Delight closing a little and
Skylark now overtaking Golden Wonder

Royal Peacock is dropping back

And who's this coming
through on the inside

- Rainbows End?
- Slimline

And as they come into the straight

It's still Ernie's Boy,
Debs Delight and Skylark

And here's Rainbows End making
a run on the outside

Come on Rainbows End

And with four furlongs
to go its Ernies Boy

Debs Delight and Rainbows
End now in third place

Ernies Boy is pulling away slightly

But Rainbows End has overtaken Debs
Delight and is challenging strongly

Two furlongs to go and Rainbows
Ends is gaining on Ernies Boy

They're neck and neck as
they come to the post

And at the finish it's
Rainbows End by a nose

How much are you winning?

At five to two, that's
two hundred and fifty quid

Hundred for you and the rest for me

Come on! Let's go draw it

One moment,
there's a stewards inquiry

The red flags gone up

Oh blimey, it's a Russian horse

Rainbows End's been disqualified for
bumping and has lost

We are losing and I won't
be able to visit my mother

Poor Ranjeet

He was so much looking
forward to seeing his mother

He will see his mother

But he was going to be
catching plane on Saturday

How can he be getting one
Hundred pounds before then?

We'll get it for him

Even if we have to beg,
borrow or steal it

Yes, yes!

Excuse please

Thank you

You want photograph!
Very cheapo

Three for one poundo

You buy pretty violets for
your pretty wife

- You want pretty violets for your
pretty wife? - No, thanks duckie

Get your salami sandwiches here

All made with French bread

Shoeshiner! Shoe shine! Twenty p's

Come on! Shoeshiner

Come on young man! Have your fortune
told! Madame Jamila will tell your fortune

Have your fortune told
by Madame Jamila

Please do cross my palms with fifty p.

Come on now! Where's the lady?

That's not the lady, i'm telling
you! That's the lady here

I'll do one more for you to
show you can be wrong

You can't be wrong all the time

- Giant balloons, 25 p each
- 25 p. On balloon

There's one for you

Mr. Brown, please hold! Please hold

- Good evening Miss Courtney
- Good evening Mr. Brown

I hear you managed to raise
the money for Mr. Singhs fare

Yes, he'll be at the airport now

How is he going by plane or balloon?

- You heard about that!
- Yes

If there haven't been someone on
the roof to catch my legs

Heaven knows where I'd be now

Where you usually are Mr.
Brown, with your head in the clouds

- Good evening class
- Good evening Mr. Brown

Firstly, may I say thank you for
all your efforts yesterday

To help me raise the fare for Ranjeet

No, no! It was a remarkable effort

I wish I could say that
for your homework

- I'm not happy with your answers
- We are also not happy with the questions

I got an idea

You're not happy, we're not happy

So if you not give us homework,
we both be happy

Silence

Look, in the future, you will
be given extra homework

And I hope to see some improvement

Some of you are simply not trying

For example, Max

The opposite of anti-meridian is
not uncle-meridian but post-meridian

What you're laughing about Giovanni

Your answer to the question write a sentence
using a metaphor was unbelievable

But I did write a sentence using
a metaphor

Yes, last night I found my
girlfriend in a metaphoradream

- Ali
- Yes please

For your information,
a polygon is a term

used to describe figures
with angles and sides

and has nothing to do with
the disappearing parrot

Mr. Brown, Miss would
like to have a word with you

Ah, new pupil

Would you like to sit over there?

No sit! Look for Ranjeet

Well I'm afraid he's not here!
He's gone this weekend to visit his mother

As a surprise for her birthday

That is terrible

- Why, what's the matter?
- I am his mother

I came over for my birthday
to surprise Ranjeet

You're his mother?