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Have you ever talked with a friend
about a problem only to realize
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that he just doesn't seem to grasp
why the issue is so important to you?
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Have you ever presented an idea to
a group and its met with utter confusion?
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Or maybe you've been in an argument
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when the other person suddenly accuses you
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of not listening
to what their saying at all?
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What's going on here?
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The answer is miscommunication,
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and in some form or another,
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we've all experienced it.
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It can lead to confusion,
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animosity,
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misunderstanding,
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or even crashing a multimillion
dollar probe into the surface of Mars.
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The fact is even when face-to-face
with another person,
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in the very same room,
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and speaking the same language,
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human communication is incredibly complex.
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But the good news is
that a basic understanding
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of what happens when we communicate
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can help us prevent miscommunication.
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For decades, researchers have asked,
"What happens when we communicate?"
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One interpretation,
called the transmission model,
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views communication as a message that
moves directly from one person to another,
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similar to someone tossing a ball
and walking away.
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But in reality,
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this simplistic model doesn't account
for communication's complexity.
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Enter the transactional model,
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which acknowledges the many
added challenges of communicating.
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With this model, it's more accurate
to think of communication between people
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as a game of catch.
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As we communicate our message,
we receive feedback from the other party.
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Through the transaction,
we create meaning together.
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But from this exchange,
further complications arise.
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It's not like the Star Trek universe,
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where some characters
can Vulcan Mind Meld,
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fully sharing thoughts and feelings.
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As humans, we can't help but send
and receive messages
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through our own subjective lenses.
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When communicating, one person expresses
her interpretation of a message,
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and the person she's communicating with
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hears his own interpretation
of that message.
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Our perceptual filters continually shift
meanings and interpretations.
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Remember that game of catch?
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Imagine it with a lump of clay.
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As each person touches it,
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they shape it to fit
their own unique perceptions
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based on any number of variables,
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like knowledge or past experience,
age, race, gender,
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ethnicity, religion, or family background.
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Simultaneously, every person interprets
the message they receive
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based on their relationship
with the other person,
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and their unique understanding
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of the semantics and connotations
of the exact words being used.
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They could also be distracted
by other stimuli,
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such as traffic,
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or a growling stomach.
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Even emotion might cloud
their understanding,
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and by adding more people
into a conversation,
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each with their own subjectivities,
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the complexity of communication
grows exponentially.
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So as the lump of clay goes back and forth
from one person to another,
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reworked, reshaped, and always changing,
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it's no wonder our messages sometimes
turn into a mush of miscommunication.
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But luckily, there are some
simple practices
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that can help us all navigate our daily
interactions for better communication.
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One:
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recognize that passive hearing
and active listening are not the same.
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Engage actively with the verbal
and nonverbal feedback of others,
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and adjust your message to faciliate
greater understanding.
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Two:
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listen with your eyes and ears,
as well as with your gut.
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Remember that communication
is more than just words.
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Three:
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take time to understand as you try
to be understood.
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In the rush to express ourselves,
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it's easy to forget that communication
is a two-way street.
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Be open to what
the other person might say.
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And finally, four:
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Be aware of your personal
perceptual filters.
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Elements of your experience,
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including your culture,
community and family,
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influence as you see the world.
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Say, "This is how I see the problem,
but how do you see it?"
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Don't assume that your perception
is the objective truth.
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That'll help you work toward sharing
a dialogue with others
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to reach a common understanding together.