Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don’t understand,
you can still support and stand by us.

Our identity is still real and valid.

[Non-binary Stories]

My name is Cami, I’m 22

And I’m here to talk about
my non-binary identity.

Non-binary is an umbrella term
for any gender identity

that isn’t exclusively masculine
or exclusively feminine.

That could be agender

“a” indicating
the absence of gender

which is neutral

Or it could be a fluid identity.

If we imagine gender
as a spectrum

with two poles:
masculine and feminine

A fluid identity might
move around that spectrum.

This includes people who are gender fluid,

demigender, pangender, etc.

I never really identified with femininity.

At 18, I was already
questioning my gender identity

and I met a trans man
who I dated for a while.

Together, we put my identity into words:
non-binary.

I think that because he was
much more informed than me

He was able to help me
find the words to describe my identity.

Gender identity is who you are.

It’s the gender you feel,
that you live, that you experience.

And gender expression
is what you present to the world.

It’s the way you express your identity.

For example, you could have
a masculine gender identity:

So you’re a man,

And your gender expression
could be feminine,

with lots of markers
that society thinks of as feminine.

For example,

When I came out to my parents
as non-binary,

I also told them that
I wanted to change my name.

It was two years ago,
when I was 20.

My mom took it very well.

She was already well versed
in gender identity

She’d done enough unlearning.

I felt safe with her.

Telling my dad was a bit trickier.

It took me longer to talk to him,
and I didn’t do it in person.

I sent him a message
because it was easier for me to manage.

He reacted quite well.

He said he didn’t understand everything
but that he supported me no matter what,

that it didn’t change anything for him,
and that he loved me just the same.

It was harder for my grandmother
because it was very foreign to her.

She grew up in the countryside
before moving to Paris.

She lived with my grandfather
for 50 years.

She lived in a very
cisheteronormative environment

where she never questioned
her gender identity or anyone else's.

When I told her,
she was a bit out of her depth.

But she always made sure
to interact with me

in the best way she could.

She tries really hard.

She almost always
uses my chosen name now.

I applied for a legal name change
in 2019.

I applied to the town council
where I was living at the time.

I sent in a folder that I filled
with statements from friends and family

confirming that they used the name Cami
to refer to me.

I asked my school for a letter of support.

Then I submitted my application.

I waited a few months.

Wait times vary by municipality.

And my name change was approved.

Misgendering someone

is using the wrong pronouns
to refer to someone.

So for a non-binary person

who explicitly asked you
to use "they/them" pronouns

misgendering them would be using
she/her or he/him pronouns for them.

Personally, I use "feminine" pronouns
when speaking

and neutral pronouns when writing.

In general, I tend to say right away

that I would like to be referred to
with feminine pronouns in conversation.

If someone doesn’t say it unprompted

and you want to be sure
to gender them correctly

you can ask them
what their pronouns are

or wait and see
how they refer to themselves

and follow their lead.

On previous videos I’ve made,

there were lots of comments
that invalidated our identities

and denied our gender expressions
and gender identities.

I don’t read many of these comments

because I know that most of them are
hateful or extremely tactless,

and they’re just going to hurt me.

I participated in a previous report

where I heard people say that
non-binary identities were just a trend,

that it only appeared a few years ago,
10 years ago in the U.S.,

that it was actually about fashion,
particularly unisex fashion, etc.

That is completely false.

I also think it’s an exceptionally
white and Eurocentric perspective.

We see many cultures
that recognize several gender identities

that were completely erased
during colonization, essentially.

Quite often we hear that it’s problematic
or annoying to create labels upon labels

to define and redefine our identities.

But I think it’s super important
to identify with something

so as to separate ourselves

from identities
that were arbitrarily assigned to us.

I think it’s also necessary
to find community,

to create connections,
to know we’re not alone,

that we’re supported,

that there are other people like us
who understand us, who hear us.

If I could say just one thing,

I think it would be that
even if you don’t understand,

you can still support and stand by us.

You can learn

And you can deconstruct
your ways of thinking.

You can ask your loved ones,
and you can help them

even if you don’t completely understand
what their gender identity means.

In addition, all non binary people
express their identity differently.

Some will transition medically,
take hormones, get surgeries

while others won't.

Regardless of whether and how
someone transitions,

socially, medically, etc.,

Our identity is still real and valid,
and there are a lot of us.