Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don't understand,

you can still support us.

Our identity is valid and it exists.

Testimonies: Non-Binary Identity

My name is Cami, I'm 22,
and I'm non-binary,

I'm here to talk about
non-binary identity.

Non-binary is an umbrella term

which encompasses all gender identities

that aren't exclusively masculine

nor exclusively feminine.

This can mean someone's agender,

'a' meaning without gender,

which is neutral,

Or it can encapsulate
all fluid identities,

like if we imagined gender
like a spectrum with two ends,

masculine and feminine,

with a slider that can
move along the spectrum

representing all people who're gender fluid,

demigender, pangender, etc.

I've never identified with femininity.

At 18 years old, I was already

asking myself questions about
my gender identity,

and then I met a trans man

that I was dating for a bit,

and we were able to come up with
words to describe my identity,

which is non-binary.

I believe it's because of him

having so much more knowledge
than me

that he was able to help me
find words

to describe my identity.

Gender identity is who we are,

how we feel,

how we live, how we experiment.

Gender expression
is how we present ourselves to others,

the way in which
we express our identity.

So we can have a gender identity,

for example, masculine,

so, we are a man

with a gender expression

that is feminine,
with many gender markers

considered to be feminine
by society

Like, for example, Bilal Hassani,
who is a man

with a feminine gender expression.

I told my parents that
I'm non-binary

and that I wanted to change
my name at the same time

It happened 2 years ago,
when I was 20.

My mom took it well,

she was already familiar
with gender diversity

she had already deconstructed
a bit and was a safe person

I felt really secure

The conversation with my dad
was a bit more delicate though

I spent a bit more time
talking to him about it

And I didn't do it

in person

I sent him a message,

because it felt easier
for me to handle

and he reacted pretty well

he said he didn't understand everything

but that he was always there
to support me,

that nothing changed for him,

and that he loved me the same.

For my grandma,
things were trickier

Because this is a distant concept
for her

She grew up on the countryside.
Then she moved to Paris.

She lived there with my grandpa
for 50 years

She had many cis-heteronormative
ways of thinking

like she never questioned
her identity

or the identity of others.

So when I spoke to her about it,
she was quite dumbfounded

but she has always looked out for

and made sure to behave
respectfully towards me.

She has put in a lot of effort

and she barely makes mistakes anymore
when using my chosen name

I petitioned to change
my first name

In 2019

I submitted an application

To the city council
of the town I was living in

I pulled together a folder

that was filled with testimonies
from those closest to me

stating that they used
my preferred name Cami

when addressing me.

I asked my school to make me
a letter of support, etc.

Then I dropped off the folder

and I waited several months

It actually varies
depending on the council

and I finally received the acceptance
of my name change

Misgendering a person

means to address the person

while using the wrong pronouns,
so gendering the non-binary person

that explicitly stated

that they use gender neutral pronouns,
like 'they'

and then to gender them
with a feminine or masculine pronoun.

When being referred to,
I personally use

She/her or feminine pronouns orally,
and neutral ones in writing

But in general,

I usually say right away

that I prefer to be addressed

with feminine pronouns orally.

If a person doesn't do that themselves

and you want to be sure
about how to gender them correctly

you can always ask them their pronouns

Or wait for them to
refer to themself in front of you

and then follow suit.

Under my past videos

There are many comments

that invalidate our identities

that reject our gender expressions
and identities

I barely read these comments

because I know they are
largely malicious or insensitive

and all they want to do
is hurt me.

I participated in an interview
which stated that

non-binary identity
is a trend

that this identity appeared recently

in the US, like 10 years ago

that it's related to fashion

like unisex fashion, etc.

Which is false.

I think it's also

a really white
and Eurocentric point of view

because in many cultures

you can find many
different gender identities

that were completely erased
during colonization

Oftentimes, we hear that it's problematic

or dumb to keep reconstructing
categories to identify ourselves

or reidentify ourselves, etc.

But I think its very important

to firstly, be able to identify
with a label

or to disassociate with an identity

that was arbitrarily assigned to us.

I think it's also vital

to find ourselves a community

to create connections,
to know we aren't alone

that there is support

that there are other people
who are like us,

that understand us,
who will listen to us

If I had one final thing
to say

It'd be that even if
you don't understand

you can always support
and care for us

you can learn,

deconstruct your thought patterns,

and support those you care about

even if you don't fully understand

the vastness of someone's gender identity.

Secondly, all non-binary people

have different ways of expressing
their identity

there are people who will

medically transition,
who will take hormones

and those who will have operations,
while others won't

it's unimportant the manner
in which we transition or don't

socially, medically, etc.

Our identity, it's still valid
it still exists

and there are many of us.