Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don’t understand,

you can still support us
and stand with us.

Our identity is valid and it exists.

[Testimonies:
Non-binary identity.]

My name is Cami
I’m 22 years old, non-binary,

and I’m here to speak
about non-binary identity.

Non-binary is an umbrella term

that encompasses all gender identities

that are neither totally masculine,
nor totally feminine.

It can include agender identity,
meaning “without gender”

which is neutral
or it can be all fluid identities.

Imagine if we placed gender
on a two-sided spectrum

the masculine and the feminine:
you can move across that spectrum.

These include individuals
identifying as gender fluid, demi-gender,

pangender, etc.

I’ve never identified with
a feminine identity.

At 18, I already started
questioning my gender identity

and I was in a relationship
with a trans man

and we were able to put
my identity into words,

which ended up being non-binary.

I think it’s because he had
more information than me

that he was able to help me
figure out my identity.

Gender identity is what we are.

It’s the gender we feel,
we live, and we experience.

Gender expression is
is how we show our identity to others.

It’s the way we express our identity.

For example, someone can have
a masculine identity:

they are a man,
and they can have a gender expression

that is feminine, with many traits
that society considers feminine.

For example, Bilal Hassani, is a man
with a feminine gender expression.

I told my parents that I was non-binary
and that I wanted to change my name.

I was 20 years old,
this was two years ago.

My mom took it well.

She was very well-informed
on matters of gender.

She was pretty open and very safe.
I felt safe telling her.

With my dad, things were more delicate.

I took longer to come out to him
and I didn’t do it in person.

I sent him a text,
because it as easier for me to manage.

He reacted pretty well.

He told me that
he didn’t understand everything,

but that he was there to support me,
and that it changed nothing for him,

he loved me anyways.

For my grandma, it was a little tricky,
because it was a foreign concept to her.

She grew up in the countryside
and then moved to Paris.

She lived with my grandpa for 50 years.

She lived in a very
cis-heteronormative society,

where she never questioned her identity,
or that of others.

When I told her, she was a bit lost,

but she always did her best
at being understanding with me.

She makes a lot of effort and rarely
deadnames me.

I applied to change my name in 2019.

I applied to my city hall.

I completed an application
with statements from my loved ones

who explained that they used the
name “Cami” when speaking to me.

I also asked my school
for a letter of support.

After that, I submitted my application.
I waited a few months,

it depends on the city hall,
and then my name change was approved.

The concept of misgendering someone
is addressing a person

and not using their preferred pronouns.
For example:

Gendering a non-binary individual

who had explicitly told you that
they preferred gender-neutral pronouns,

such as “they/them,” and using
masculine or feminine pronouns, instead.

I use feminine pronouns when speaking
and neutral ones when writing.

It’s true that, generally,
I have a tendency to tell everyone

that I prefer them to use
feminine pronouns when they address me.

If a person doesn’t do this and you want
to be sure to use to correct pronouns,

you can always ask which ones they use
or wait for them to tell you,

in order to respect their identity.

There have been many comments
on videos I’ve appeared in

that invalidate our identities and negate
our gender expression and identity.

I read very few of these comments,
because I know that most of them

are written by people
who are malicious or very inconsiderate

and they just do it to hurt me.

I’ve participated in a story in which
people said that my identity was a fad,

appearing in the United States
in the last 10 years,

and that it really had to do with fashion,
such as unisex clothing.

That’s totally false. I also thing that
it’s a very white

and Eurocentric point of view,
because in many cultures,

there are numerous gender identities
that have been totally erased

during colonization.

Often, we hear that it's problematic
and difficult to create

more and more categories
to identify or reidentify ourselves with,

but I think it’s very important to have
a way to identify ourselves with something

to move away from the identity
that was assigned to us at birth.

I also think it’s necessary because
it enables people to find their community,

to create links, to know that we are
not alone, that there is support,

that there are others like us,
that will understand and listen to us.

If I had one thing to say
it would be that,

even if you don’t understand us
you can still support and stand with us.

You can learn, you can undo
normative thinking.

You can inform yourself and help
your loved ones,

even if you don’t understand

everything to do with
their gender identity.

Secondly is that non-binary people
express their identity in different ways.

There are some who may
medically transition, take hormones,

or undergo operations, but others won’t.

Regardless of the way someone transitions,

or not, socially,
medically etc.,

our identity is legitimate. It exists and
we are many.