Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don't get it,

you can be supportive and be with us.

Our identity remains legitimate.

It's valid.

Testimonies
Non-binary Gender

I'm Cami, 22 years old,
I'm non-binary.

I'm here to talk about
being non-binary.

"Non-binary" is an umbrella term.

It brings together all gender identities

that are neither exclusively masculine

nor exclusively feminine.

It could be agender,
"a" as in taking away,

without gender, neutral,

or it could be all fluid identities,

like when we imagine gender
as a spectrum with two poles,

one masculine one feminine,

and a slider that we can move,

for everyone who's gender fluid,

demigender, pangender, etc.

I never really self-identified
as feminine.

When I was 18, I already began

to explore my own gender identity,

and I met a trans man,

I was with him for some time,

together we tried
to define my identity.

It turned out to be non-binary.

I think it's because

he was more informed than me,

so he could help me find the words

to describe my identity.

Gender identity is part of who we are.

It's the gender that we feel,

that we live and experience.

Gender expression
is what we show other people.

It's the way we express this identity.

Someone can have a gender identity

that's, for example, masculine,

so they are a man,

and have a gender expression
that's feminine

with more traits
considered feminine in society.

Like Jonathan Van Ness,
who is a man

with a feminine gender expression.

I came out to my parents as non-binary

and said I wanted
to change my name

all at once.

I was 20 years old, it was 2 years ago.

My mom took it well.

She was already familiar with queerness.

She's pretty progressive,
a "safe person".

I felt safe with her.

With my dad, it's a bit more tricky.

I spent more time talking with him

and I didn't do it in person.

I sent him a message,
it's easier for me to manage.

He took it pretty well,

said he didn't get everything,

but he's there to support me anyway,

it won't change anything for him,

he loves me all the same.

For my grandma,
it's a bit less obvious

because it's something
quite far from her world.

She's from a rural area,
then moved to Paris.

She lived with my granddad for 50 years.

Her surrounding were very
cis-heteronormative,

she never questioned her identity
or that of others.

When I discussed it with her,
she was a bit taken aback,

but she always took care
to conduct herself

in the best way possible around me.

She makes an effort.

She doesn't make mistakes
with pronouns now.

I applied to change my first name

in 2019.

I made an application
with my municipal government.

I got a form, filled it out,

with my friends and family
as witnesses

who said they addressed me as "Cami".

I asked my school
for a letter of support.

Then, I submitted my form.

I waited a few months,

this varies by municipality,

and my name change was approved.

Misgendering as person

means addressing a person
using incorrect pronouns,

like gendering a non-binary person

who explicitly asked you
to use neutral pronouns,

like "they/them",

and still addressing them
by feminine or masculine pronouns.

Personally, I use what we call

feminine pronouns when speaking,
an neutral pronouns in writing.

Actually, in general,

I would tell you, right off the bat,

that I prefer to be addressed

by feminine pronouns in speaking.

If someone doesn't tell you,

and you want to make sure
to gender them correctly,

you can ask them their pronouns

or wait for them to gender themselves,

so you can respect their pronouns.

Beneath the videos that I previously made,

there were many comments

refusing to recognize our identities,

denying our gender expression
and gender identities.

Anyways, I rarely read these comments,

because I know most of them
are ill-intentioned

or just so, so wrong

that they will just hurt me.

I was in a tv report,
and in the same program

people were calling it fashion,

saying it appeared only a few years ago,

in the US, 10 years ago,

that it has to do with fashion,

the unisex trend, etc.

That's completely wrong.

I also find it a very white perspective,
very Eurocentric,

because in so many cultures,

there are multiple gender identities,

but they were simply wiped out
by colonisation.

We often hear people say it's problematic
or annoying

to constantly create new vocabulary

to self-identify and reidentify,

but for me it's super important

to first of all
be able to self-identify,

in order to disidentify

with the arbitrary identity
assigned to us.

I think it's also important

to find your community,
bond with people

to know you're not alone,
support is available,

and there are more people like us

who understand
and listen to us.

If I could only say one thing,

I think it would be that
even if you don't get it,

you can be supportive and be with us.

You can learn,
you can deconstruct thought patterns,

you can unlearn things,
support your friends and family,

even if you don't understand
everything about their gender identity.

One more thing:

every non-binary person

has a different way
to express their identity.

Whether they choose medical transitions,
take hormones,

whether they have surgery,
or not,

no matter which way

or whether or not we transition,

socially, medically, etc.,

our identity remains legitimate,
it's valid,

and there's a good number of us out there.