Learn about being non-binary: Cami's testimony

Cami, a 22-year old who does not identify with traditional genders, shares their experience and sheds light on being non-binary. They debunk stereotypes and guide us on how we can support non-binary persons.

Even if you don't understand it,

you can still support us
and take care of us.

Our identities continue to be legitimate,
and they exist.

[Testimonies: Being non-binary]

[Cami, 22, student]
My name is Cami,

I am 22 years old,
I am non-binary,

and I'm here to talk to you
about being non-binary.

"Non-binary" is an umbrella term

that encompasses all gender identities

that are neither exclusively masculine
nor exclusively feminine.

This can represent "agender",
"a" meaning subtraction,

without a gender or being neutral

or it can represent all
fluid gender identities;

we can imagine gender as
a spectrum with two sides,

masculine and feminine,

and we have a cursor that moves.

So we have people
who are genderfluid,

demigender, pangender, etc.

I never really identified with femininity.

At 18 years old, I began to ask myself
questions about my gender identity,

and I met a transgender man
who I was with for some time,

and we were able to put my identity
into words,

which was "non-binary".

I think it's because he had a lot more
knowledge than me

that he was able to help me find the words
regarding my identity.

Gender identity is what we are.

Gender is what we feel, live,
and experiment with,

and gender expression is what we show
to others.

It's the way we express this identity.

For example, you could have a
gender identity,

such as masculinity,

identifying as a man;

and you can have a gender expression
that is feminine

using markers that are considered
feminine in society.

An example is Bilal Hassani,

a man
with a feminine gender expression.

I told my parents that I was non-binary

and that I would like to change my name
as well.

I was 20 years old, so it's been 2 years.

My mom took it very well.

She was already very aware
of topics surrounding gender.

She had dismantled these ideas,
and was a safe person.

I felt secure.

With my dad,
it was a little more delicate.

I took a little more time
to talk to him about it

and I didn't do it in person.

I sent him a message,
because it was easier for me to manage.

He reacted pretty well;
he said he didn't understand everything,

but regardless,
that he would be there to support me,

and that nothing would change for him,
that he would love me the same.

With my grandmother,
it was a bit unclear

because it was something
very foreign to her.

She grew up on the countryside,
then she went to Paris.

She lived with my grandfather
for 50 years.

She was in cis, heteronormative
environments

where she never questioned
her own identity

or the identities of others.

When I spoke about it with her,
she was a bit stunned,

but she always ensured that
she was on her best behaviour

with me.

She has made enormous efforts;

she rarely makes mistakes
with my name now.

I put in a request
to change my name

in 2019.

I sent the request in

to the city hall of the town
that I was living in.

I received a form
that I filled out

with testimonies of my friends

that say they use the name Cami

to refer to me,

and I asked my school to write a letter
of support.

Then, I submitted my case document.

I waited a few months.

This wait varies with city halls.

And then I received an approval
for my name change.

Misgendering someone

is when you address someone

using the incorrect pronouns,

so gendering a non-binary person

that has already explicitly stated

that they use neutral pronouns,
like "they",

and you gender them
as masculine or feminine.

I personally use feminine pronouns
when speaking,

and neutral pronouns
when writing.

Generally,

I do have the tendency
to say right away

that I prefer that I be referred to
with feminine pronouns when speaking.

If a person doesn't do that,

and you would like to know for sure
how to refer to them,

you can ask them for their pronouns

or wait for the person
to refer to themselves

so you can follow suit.

In the videos
that I have done previously,

there were a lot of comments

that invalidated our identities,

that denied our gender expressions
and our gender identities.

Afterwards, I've read fewer
of these comments,

mainly because
for the most part,

they're malicious,
or very insensitive,

and they're just going to
hurt my feelings.

I've participated in a report
where we heard that

being non-binary
was a result of fashion;

that this just appeared
in the past decade

in the US,

that this is closely related to fashion,

like unisex fashion, etc.

This is completely false.

I think that this is a hyper-White,
hyper-Eurocentric point of view

because in many cultures,
there are many gender identities

that were totally erased
by colonization, simply put.

Frequently, we hear that
this is problematic

or annoying to create more
and more boxes

to self-identify with,
to re-identify with, etc,

but I think
that it's super important

to even be able to self-identify
with something

in order to un-identify
with an identity

that was arbitrarily assigned
to us.

I think it's necessary
to find a community

to create a bond,
to know that you're not alone,

that you have support,

that there are other people
like us,

that understand
and listen to us.

If I had one takeaway for everyone,

I think it would be
that even if you don't understand it,

you can still support us
and take care of us.

You can learn,
you can deconstruct

your current way of thinking.

You can teach yourself,
help your friends,

even if you don't understand everything
about gender identities.

A second thing would be
that all non-binary people

have a different way
of expressing their identity.

There are people who are going to

transition medically,
take hormones,

undergo operations,
and others won't,

and regardless of the way
we transition or not,

socially or medically,

our identities continue to be legitimate,
and they exist,

and we are a thriving community.

[COSMOPOLITON]