Ellen DeGeneres at Tulane's 2009 Commencement Speech

Ellen DeGeneres addresses Tulane University's graduating 'Katrina Class' - 16-May-2009

Thank you President Cowan, Mrs. President Cowan

distinguished guests

undistinguished guests

you know who you are.

Honored faculty, and creepy Spanish teacher.

And thank you to all the graduating

class of 2009, I realize most of you are hung over

have splitting headaches

and haven't slept since Fat Tuesday, but

you can graduate until I finish, so listen up!

When I was asked to make the commencement speech

I immediately said yes

then I went to look up what commencement meant.

Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary, but most of the books in

our house are Portia's and they are all written in Australlian

So, I had to break the word down myself, to find out

the meaning, commencement.

Common and cement.

Common cement.

You commonly see cement on sidewalks, sidewalks have cracks and if you step

on a crack you break your mothers back. So there's that.

But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement.

I thought that you had to be a famous alumi, alumnus, aluminum...

I thought you had to graduate from the school.

I didn't go to college, here, and I don't know if President Cowan knows...I didn't go to college at all...

any college...And I'm not saying you wasted your time or money

but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity.

Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers...

I spent a lot of time here growing up, my mom worked at Newcom, and I would go there

every time I needed to steal something out of her purse.

But why am I here today? Clearly not to steal

you're too far away and I'd never get away with it.

I'm here because of you. I can't think of a more tenacious

more courageous graduating class. I mean look at you

all wearing your robes. Usually when you're wearing a robe at ten in the morning

it means you've given up

I'm here

because I love New Orleans.

I was born and raised here, and spent my formative years here

and like you, while I was living here, I only did laundry six times.

When I finished school I was completely lost. And by school

I mean middle school, but I went ahead and finished

High School anyway. And I really had no ambition

I didn't know what I wanted to do. I did everything

I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender

I was a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners

I had no idea and I thought I'd just finally settle on some job

and I'd make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have

basic cable, maybe not, I didn't really have a plan.

And by the time I was your age I thought I knew who I was, but really, I had no idea

Like, for example, when I was your age, I was dating men.

So what I'm saying is that when your older, most of you will be gay.

Is anybody writing this stuff down?

Parents?

Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life

and the way I ended up on this path was from a very tragic event

I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time

was killed in a car accident

and I passed the accident and I didn't know it was her

and I kept going, and I found out shortly after

that it was her.

And I was living in a basement apartment, and I had

no money. I had no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor

and the apartment was infested with fleas, and I was soul

searching, and I was like why is she suddenly gone and

there are fleas here?

I don't understand and there must be a purpose

and wouldn't it be convenient if we could just pick

up the phone and call God, and and ask these questions

and I started writing and what poured out of me was

an imaginary conversation with God, which was one sided

and I finished writing it and I looked at it, and I said to

myself -- and I hadn't even been doing stand up -- there

was no club in town, and I said I'm going to do this on the

the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson

at the time he was the king, and I'm gonna be the

first woman on the history of the show to be called

over to sit down, and several years later

I was the first woman in the history of the show,

and the only woman in the history of the show,

to sit down, because of that phone conversation with

God that I wrote. And I started this path of standup

and it was successful, and it was great, but it was hard

because I was trying to please everybody, and I had this

secret that I was keeping that I was gay, and I thought that if

people found out they wouldn't like me and they wouldn't

laugh at me, then my career turned into -- I got my

own sitcom, and that was very successful, another level of

success, and I thought what if they find out I'm gay? Then they'll never watch...

This was a long time ago, this was just when we had

White presidents. This was back, many years ago.

And I finally

decided that I was living with so much shame and so

much fear that I just couldn't live that way anymore

and I decided to come out, and make it creative

and my character would come out at the same time

and it wasn't to make a political statement, it wasn't

to do anything but free myself from this heaviness that I was

carrying around, and I just wanted to be honest, and I thought "What's the worst

that could happen? I could loose my careeer..."

I did.

I lost my career.

The show was cancelled after six years without even telling

me, I read it in the paper.

The phone didn't ring for three years

I had no offers, nobody wanted to touch me

at all

And yet, I was getting letters from kids

who almost committed suicide, but didn't

because of what I did

and I realized that I had a purpose

and it wasn't about me, and about celebrity

and I felt like I was being punished

and it was a bad time

and I was angry and I was sad

and then I was offered a talk show

and the people that offered me the talk show

tried to sell it, and most stations

didn't want to pick it up

most people didn't want to buy it because they

thought nobody would watch me

and really when I look back on it, I wouldn't

change a thing, because really it was so

important that I loose everything because I found

out what the most important thing is, is to be true

to yourself

and ultimately, that's what has gotten me to this place

I don't live in fear, I'm free, I don't have any secrets

and I know I'll always be OK because no matter

I know who I am.

So in conclusion, when I was younger

I thought success was something different

I thought, when I grow up, I want to be famous, I want to be a star

I want to be in movies, I want to see the world

drive nice cars, I wanna have groupies.

To quote the Pussy Cat Dolls.

how many people thought it was boobies

by the way?

It's not -- its groupies

but my idea of success is different today

and as you'll grow, you will realize your definition of

success changes.

For many of you, today success is

being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila

for me, the most important thing in your life is to

live your life with integrity

and not to give in to peer pressure to try to be

something that you're not.

To live your life as an honest and compassionate person

to contribute in some way.

so to conclude my conclusion

follow your passion, stay true to yourself

never follow someone else's path

unless your in the woods and your lost

and you see a path, then by all means

you should follow that

Don't give advice, it'll come back and bite you in the ass

don't take anyone's advice.

So my advice to you is to

be true to yourself and everything will be fine

and I know a lot of you are concerned about your future

but there is no need to worry, the economy is booming

the job market is wide open

the planet is just fine

it's gonna be great

You have already survived a hurricane

what else can happen to you?

And as I mentioned before, sometimes the most devestating

things that happen to you will teach you the most

and now you know the right questions to ask

for your first job interview, like, "Is it above sea level?"

so to conclude my conclusion that I've previously

concluded in my common cement speech

I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is like one big

Mardi Gras, but instead of showing people your boobs

show em your brain, and if they like what they see

you'll have more beads than you'll know what to do with

and you'll be drunk.

Most of the time.

So to the class of 2009 I say congratulations

and if you don't remember a thing I said today

just remember, you're gonna be OK

dum-do-do-du-dum

just dance