Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don’t understand,

you can still support and care for us.

Our identity is still valid and it exists.

[TESTIMONIES: Non-binary Identities]

I’m Cami, I’m 22, I’m non-binary

I’m here to talk about being non-binary.

Non-binary is an umbrella term

that covers all gender identities

that are neither exclusively masculine

nor exclusively feminine.

It can include agender, being neutral

or without gender,

or it can include all fluid identities,

imagining gender on a spectrum

with two poles: masculine and feminine.

You may have a gender that shifts.

All people who are gender-fluid,

demigender, pangender, etc. are included.

I never really identified with femininity.

By 18,

I started questioning my gender identity,

and I met a trans man

who I dated for a while.

Together we found words for my identity,

which was non-binary.

I think it’s because of him having a lot

more insight than me that he could help me

find the words surrounding my identity.

Gender identity is who we are; it’s gender

that we feel, live and experiment.

And gender expression,

it’s what we show to others.

It’s the way we express that identity.

You can have a masculine gender identity,

for example: so you’re a man,

and you have a feminine gender expression

with traits deemed feminine by society.

Like Bilal Hassani, for example, is a man

with a feminine gender expression.

I told my parents that I’m non-binary and

I wanted to change my name all at once.

I was 20, so it’s been 2 years now.

My mom took it quite well. She was

already well versed in gender diversity.

She analysed her views and was very safe.

I felt secure.

I was a little more delicate with my dad.

I took a bit longer to talk to him

and I didn’t do it in person.

I messaged him,

since it was easier for me to manage.

He took it well. He said he

couldn’t understand at all, but that he'd

still be there to support me regardless

and that it changed nothing for him.

He didn’t love me any differently.

For my grandma, it was a little trickier

since it wasn’t something she'd heard of.

She grew up in the country-side,

moving to Paris and living

with my grandpa for 50 years.

She was in cis-heteronomative patterns,

never questioning her identity

or anyone else’s.

When I told her, she was taken aback,

but she was always careful to treat me in

the best way she could.

She makes a big effort, she almost never

makes a mistake using my chosen name.

I requested my name change in 2019.

I made a request at city hall in my town.

I made a file, filling it with testimony

from those close to me to note that

they called me by Cami.

I got a letter of support from my school,

and I submitted it. It took a few months,

(the wait depends on the city hall),

and I got an acceptance to change my name.

The act of misgendering someone is when

you address them using the wrong pronouns.

So it's gendering a non-binary person who

explicitly asked for you to use

neutral pronouns, like “they”, by using

feminine or masculine pronouns.

Personally, I use feminine pronouns

verbally and neutral pronouns in writing.

But I tend to say that I prefer feminine

pronouns when speaking right away.

If they don’t tell you their’s in response

and you want to ensure you gender them

correctly, you can ask them their pronouns

or wait for them to refer to their

own gender to follow their gendering.

The videos I made in the past have plenty

of comments invalidating our identities,

denying our gender expressions and

identities. After that, I stopped reading

most comments since I know that, for the

most part, they’re malicious or really

misinformed, and just want to hurt me.

I once took part in a report where

you'd hear that "it's a fad",

"it just popped up in the last 10 years

in the USA", "it's about fashion",

"Unisex fashion", etc.

That is completely untrue.

I think that's a super white and

eurocentric point of view since we see

numerous gender identities in plenty of

other cultures that were totally erased

during colonisation, period.

We often hear that it’s problematic,

it’s uncomfortable having to reshape boxes

and add more boxes, to identify yourself,

reidentify yourself, etc., but I think

the ability to identify with something

in the first place and to disidentify with

an identity that we were assigned

arbitrarily is super important.

I think it’s also necessary

to find yourself in a community to

make connections, to know

you’re not alone, there is support,

there are others like us,

who understand us, who listen to us.

If I could say one thing, I think it would

be that even if you don’t understand,

you can still support and care for us.

You can learn, deconstruct your thought

patterns, re-educate yourself, help those

close to you, even if you don’t understand

the full scope of their gender identity.

A second thing is that each non-binary

person has a different way of expressing

their identity. There are those who will

medically transition, who will use hormone

replacement therapy, who will undergo

gender-affirming surgery, and those

who won’t. Regardless of the way you

decide to transition or not,

socially, medically, etc.,

our identity, it’s still valid, it exists,

and we’re here to stay.