Découverte de la non-binarité : le témoignage de Cami

Even if you don’t get it.

You can always support us
and by an ally.

Our identity is legitimate.

It exist.

I'm Cami, I'm 22 years old
I'm non-binary

and I'm here to talk to you
about non-binary identities.

"Non-binary" is an umbrella term

that groups
all gender identities

that are neither
exclusively masculine

nor feminine.

So, you could have agender

"a" being without gender
neutral per say

or it can be
all fluid genders.

If we were to imagine
gender as a spectrum

with two ends

- masculine and feminine -

we could see a cursor,
moving

including all, gender fluid,
demi-gender, pangender, etc.

I never really identified
as feminine.

At 18,

I was already questioning

my gender identity

and I met this trans man

with who I was with
for some time

and we were able
to find the term

for my identity,
which was non-binary.

And I think that

because he was
more informed

than me
that he knew

how to find the terms

on my identity.

Gender identity,
it's who we are.

It's the gender we feel inside.

It's what we live,
what we experience.

And gender expression

it's what we show people.

it's the way
we express our identity.

So we can have
a gender identity

for example: masculine

and we have a man

that would express his gender

as feminine,
with many features

that are "feminine".

Take for example:
Bilal Hassani

that identifies as a man

and expresses himself
in a feminine way.

I told my parents

that I was non-binary

and that I wanted
to change my name

at the same time.

I was 20,
so 2 years ago.

And um

My mom took it well.

She was already exposed
to gender questioning

accustomed to the idea
enough to be a safe space.

I felt safe.

My dad was more sensitive.

It took me a bit more time
to talk to him about it

and I didn't do it

in person.

I sent him a message

because it was easier
for me to do

and he took it well enough.

He didn't understand everything

but in any case,
he would be there for me

and that
it didn't change anything

that he loved me
either way.

For my grandmother,
that is a different story

because it was an
"out-of-reach" topic for her.

She grew up
in the countryside

then moved to Paris.

She stayed with my grandfather
for 50 years.

She lived in a very
cis heteronormative world

where she never questioned
her own identity

or the identity of others.

So, when I told her,
she was flabbergasted

but she maintained
her composure

the best way she could
with me.

She makes a lot of effort.

She barely makes mistakes

when using pronouns.

I applied to change my name

in 2019.

I applied at the town hall

where I lived.

I filled out an application
with statements

from my loved ones

to prove of them
using the name Cami

when addressing me.

I asked my school
to complete a reference letter

etc.

Then I sent in my application.

I waited a couple of months

- it depends
on each town hall -

and the application
got accepted.

To misgender someone

is to address them

by using the wrong pronouns.

So gendering
a non-binary person

that would have explicitly
indicated their preference

to use neutral pronouns
such as they/them

and gendering them
by using she/him pronouns.

Me, personally

I use feminine pronouns
while speaking

and neutral in writing.

But, really, in general

I have the tendency
to say right away

that I prefer
to be addressed

as she/her while speaking.

After, if the person
doesn't say it

and you prefer being sure
to gender them correctly

you can ask
for their pronouns

or wait till they say it
themselves

in order
to gender them correctly.

In past videos
that I did

there were a lot
of comments

that invalidated our identities.

That didn't value
our gender expression

and our gender identities.

And then um

for me, I barely read
those comments.

Obviously, because,
for the most part

they're malicious

or even
truly negative and hateful

and they'll just make me sad.

I participated
in a reporting

in which they said

that it was a fashion statement.

That it only appeared
some years ago

in the States,
about 10 years ago.

That it was
a true fashion statement

also unisex fashion, etc.

That's completely false.

I also think that

um

that it's a big big Caucasian

and a super European,
Eurocentric point of view.

Because there are,
in many cultures,

different gender identities

that have been erased

during colonialism
obviously.

Often enough,

you can hear people say
that its problematic

or that it's annoying

creating boxes within boxes

to identify, reidentify, etc.

But I think
that it's super important

to be able, in the first place,

to identify yourself to something

and to un-identify
from an identity

that was arbitrarily assigned
to you.

I think that it's necessary

to find your community

to build connections

to know your not alone

that there's support

that there are other people
like you that exist

that understand you,
that will listen.

If I only had one thing to say

I think I'd say

that even if
you don't get it

you can always support
and be an ally.

You can learn
and desensitize yourself

of ideologies and ways of thinking.

You can educated yourself

help your loved ones

even if you don't understand it

everything regarding
their gender identity.

The second thing would be that

every non-binary person

has a different mean of expressing
their identity.

That there are people

that will medically transition

that will take hormones

that will do operations, or not.

And regardless of the way
in which we'll transition, or not

socially, medically, etc.

our identity is legitimate.

It exist.

And we are many that exist.